The Silly Slutsky Family Blog

The Incident Report

2011-11-27T06:02:00.001-05:00

And so it begins. Jeff and I barely survived parenting Mitchell through his teen years at Columbus Academy. Now, we are taking on triplets in round two of kindergarten at a Jewish day school. The dynamics have shifted slightly, with me working full time I feel as if I am missing out on the precious moments. I actually miss hearing the stories and little blurbs during the carpool drive home.

Jeff gets the benefit of this special time now. While I am pretty sure he plugs into his i-pod and tunes the kids out, I doubt he realizes the gems that come from their mouths during drive time. Perhaps, if I was still doing the transporting, I could have prevented the latest communication from the kindergarten teacher. Maybe I would have anticipated the direction things were going?

When the communication is written as a formal incident report, you know the matter has escalated from a poor judgement call from a 6 year old, to a disciplinary situation. This is exactly what happened last week with Eli.

Here are the highlights from the e-mail I received from the teacher:

Dear families,
I wanted to let you know about an incident that occured at recess this afternoon. The first grade teacher on duty brought this issue to our attention. Eli and Rachel were seen hiding behind a tree and kissing. We ask that you please discuss this incident with your child and let them know that we need to keep kissing only for at home. We are currently battling many illnesses here at school, and I have instructed the class several times before about the spread of germs and how kissing should only be for our families at home, not our friends at school. Hopefully this will be enough to encourage them to not repeat this action again in the future. Thank you for your support!

O.M.G. I was stunned. I knew that Eli had a kindergarten crush on Rachel. He talks endlessly about her, he draws her picture all the time, and he calls Rachel his girlfriend, but I honestly thought it was all innocent and sweet. Apparently, Eli is in advanced kindergarten where you can hide behind a tree and smooch your girl. Oy vey. Perhaps if I was still doing the pick up after school I could have seen this coming and done something to prevent the whole scenario. I have some serious Mommie guilt all right.

As much as I giggled a little bit, I was worried that Rachel's parents would be pissed off. This is an Orthodox school for crissakes. (pun) I mean when Aaryn dated Ephraim, they did not even hold hands, there was no touching at all until marriage. Holy crap, this was like a major league offense to the religious Jewish folks.

I figured Rachel's mom and dad would either have a sense of humor, or we would be going to Jared. Thankfully, I noticed that Rachel's mom was making light of the situation in the form of a status update on Facebook. She wrote: "Just got an email from the kindergarten teacher letting me know that Rachel was kissing a boy at recess on the mouth. Fantastic." So I chimed in. And we were good.

Then, I posted a similar status on my facebook and almost all the comments compared Eli to little Mitchell, which brought the whole subject full circle. Anyone who knew Mitchell in kindergarten had to put their two cents in, and join the conversation. The apple doesn't fall from the tree I am afraid. Oh my hell how I fear my future.

Jeff and I had a discussion with Eli. We talked about appropriate behavior at school and we made sure he understood that kissing is okay when you are older. For now, he needs to focus on playing at recess, not kissing at recess.

I am sure this is the first of many incident reports to come our way. I am glad that the first one made me giggle out loud. I only hope I am laughing in the future. If anybody is going to Jared it is going to be my husband, not my SON!

Photographic Proof

2011-11-26T20:36:00.006-05:00

My kids know how to create their own fun. Given the limited access they have to electronics and devices, it is a wonder they can operate computers and handhelds. Give them a few minutes with my i-phone and they can document their boredom using the camera feature.

I happened to glance at my iphone photos. I saw that I had 442 images saved, which seemed ridiculously high. Upon further inspection, I realized, I had a few photos taken by my four budding Ansel Adams.

Here are some of the choice shots

I now have stored on my i-phone. Courtesy of the kids, I have these priceless photos as photographic proof that technology is no match for the group mentality that is raising multiples. And they have never been instructed on how to use the camera feature. They just figure this stuff out without much guidance. It scares me.

I think I need to keep better track of my personal belongings.

Enjoy.

What leftover Halloween Candy?

2011-11-25T20:02:00.007-05:00

To further illustrate that I am completely certifiable, here is my latest hair brained scheme to use up all of the leftover Halloween candy bars.

I am sick and tired of seeing buckets full of chocolate, fun-sized candies just sitting around. Lest I have a nervous breakdown and stuff my face full of fun sized candy bars, I had to use them or lose them. Know what I mean?

Despite my new and improved schedule, it was time to take action!

I recycled the candy. I went all green. I unwrapped the various chocolate, peanut and caramel themed bars. With so many Baby Ruth, Milky Way, Snickers and 100,000.00 bars at my disposal, I made some delicious gluten free shortbread cookie bars. These turned out amazing, and since I used aluminum foil pans, they transported easily to work, where I could share the delights with my friends.

It is awesome to keep the co-workers guessing. Free time? Who needs sleep?

These tasted like I worked hard. Cue the smoke and mirrors again because these took 10 minutes but tasted like they took much longer.

These shortbread and candy topped cookie bars were simple to create and I felt accomplished killing two birds with one high fat, high sugar stone. I made the cookie bars according to the package directions usingthe Bob's Red Mill Shortbread cookie mix that I scored at Big Lots. I baked them half way through, all pressed into the greased tin foil pans,removed them from the oven, decorated them with the chopped up candy bars, and

continued baking them until they were golden brown along the edges.

After I cooled them in the fridge overnight, I chopped them into jagged pieces and served them on a silver platter.No one could tell they were gluten free, or that they were a means to recycle the candy bars my kids mooched from Aunt Shell's generous neighbors on Halloween.

Talk about a win-win. The kids gobbled up the cookies I made. They had absolutely no idea I had re-gifted their stash of candy bars.

What leftover candy bars? Huh?

Several of my co-workers wanted the recipe and I was quick to whip out my iphone to share the step by step, pre-packaged mixing directions, using candy as a decoration.

Enjoy the cookies, kids- they are freshly baked and ready for the illusion that I am keeping my shit together. Homemade cookies mean life is good. And so it is!

I am a Big Fraud

2011-11-24T17:18:00.001-05:00

This is a post that has been in draft mode for too long. I have tried to update the blog with the latest and greatest, but there has been a lack of greatness and a shortage of attention to detail. Since some of you have asked what is going on over here, I felt it necessary to get caught up, even if it is not all sunshine and roses.

Up until recently I have had my act semi together. I have been a full time mom, blogger, wife, gluten free chef, school transportation engineer, laundress, photographer, stylist, and bargain hunter and a half assed scrapbooker. With all these full time jobs it was wonder I was able to sustain the optical illusion that I was even close to being superwoman.

The truth is, now that I have a full time job on top of the above work load, I have lost my mojo. I am a fraud. Anyone who believes I am keeping my shit together is delusional. I am the first one to tell it like it is, and it is not good over here.

Let's see.... since my random hiatus from blogging, I have had more than my fair share of blog worthy events. I have not posted any details of the drama because no one likes a pity party. This blog is a breezy, sarcastic look at my crazy life and believe me, it has been so crazy that it is actually, unbelievable.

Even if I tried to blow smoke up your ass with sunshine, rainbows and leprechauns, I could not pull it off. Without admitting all the behind the scenes, real life chaos, I would be further perpetuating the fraud and illusion. I am all for smoke and mirrors when it comes to dressing slimmer or looking like you spent a fortune when you are on a budget, but these revelations are beyond sarcasm and witty rapport.

It is time to come clean. Without further delay, I have not been updating the blog in a timely manner because I am overwhelmed.

I am working full time at Saks because I HAVE TO WORK. Jeff lost his job over a month ago, and it means I am working to provide us with health benefits and a safety net. As much as I love working at Saks, the simple truth is, I wish I did not HAVE TO work there, but I am glad I do.

I feel like a total fraud when my co-workers marvel at my ability to show up for work on time, dressed to the nines with hair and make-up, knowing I have a big family to manage. These co-workers are easily fooled because they only see the pretty side of the story. The not so pretty picture is at home, where there are dirty breakfast dishes left in the sink all day, laundry piled up in various stages in the utility room, and stacks of unopened mail awaiting moderation. This is in addition to all the coupons I have printed and clipped, but have yet to file in my binder. Now that we are minus Jeff's paycheck, it is even more crucial that I keep up with the coupons and savings. My house is more disorganized than ever before, if that is even possible.

Let's not forget that my position is 37.5 hours a week in the store. Add to that the drive time to and from (45 minutes a day), traffic and weather related delays, extra promotional events after hours in the store, and the upcoming holiday season of extended retail hours. This leaves little down time for blogging, baking and being the old Helene.

While I am working outside the home, there are areas that are suffering. This includes the dogs; that are pissing and shitting all willy nilly in the house because they are accustomed to going outside when ever they pleased while I was around. But now that I am gone all day, they wait as long as possible, and then they go. Inside. They go, I am gone, it is gross.

Factor into the insanity that Argenida has decided to go home to Panama from December 5-28 to see her family and spend Christmas with them. While I respect her need to see them, the timing is completely wrong with relation to my schedule during the holidays. This basically means that I am working ridiculous hours, the kids are on break from school for two of the three weeks Argenida will be away, and I am sans a child care provider during my busiest time of the year. Jeff has been picking up the slack and I am grateful for his contribution. He does not micromanage tasks in his sleep like I do, and there are obvious differences in our parenting style.

I totally know that I could never be a single parent. As much as I bitch and moan about his lack of interest in organization in the household duties, Jeff is doing the best he can under the circumstances. Sadly, his best is not even close to being good enough to keep us current while I am working.

This shift of responsibilities is happening while Jeff is actively seeking a new job. As seen on the dining room table, which now resembles a small employment center. There are stacks of resumes, a printer, a laptop, envelopes, stamps, and all kinds of lists of applications and correspondence. Clearly, the goal is for him to get interviews, that lead to a position. For the last three weeks he has been fortunate enough to have interviews in Atlanta and Dallas- leaving me to shuffle kids to and from school somehow. Jeff's absence has further confirmed that I could not be a single parent for more than a week, ten days tops.

I am at my wits end. The kids are eating Amy's GF Frozen macaroni and cheese for dinner on a regular basis, the carved Jack-o-lantern is rotting on the front porch, and any free time I get is spent trying to pick up the pieces in small doses. I have given in to the fact that I am a complete fraud on the world wide web.

In short, I am getting caught up and coming clean with the cold truth of the matter. It would be easier to make some shit up, lie and continue to play nicely on the blog, but quite frankly, I do not have the time or energy to do it. So there you have it. No cutesy photos of matching multiples, no recipes for homemade meals, no fake smiles and paragraphs with poetry and puns.

It is out there. I am giving up the dream of having a clean house, a face that is well rested and free from under eye bags, and a enough disposable income to actually use my employee discount.

Phineas and Ferb Live in a Technicolor Yawn

2011-11-04T22:08:00.011-04:00

Nana and Papa bought the kids tickets to see Phineas and Ferb live at the Palace Theater. Because Phineas and Ferb on the Disney channel is not annoying enough, they created a live show in a musical theater format to further torment parents everywhere. Myself included.

Since this was my kids first experience with live theater, I had coached them on what to expect. They handed their tickets to the ticket taker. They listened to the usher as she showed us the way to our floor seats.

I made them pose for the mandatory photos to commemorate the day. Perhaps someday, they will lovingly recollect on the show that got them hooked on live theater? Fingers crossed.

While Jeff was busy in Atlanta, Argenida and I schlepped the kids downtown for the 3:00 show. After we paid for parking and took all four to the bathroom, we entered the lobby where dollar signs flashed before my eyes. I knew there would be a plethora of made in China crap for sale, but honestly, even I was stunned at the pure onslaught of options. Every where we looked they were hocking Phineas and Ferb merchandise,

and by merchandise I mean overpriced plastic shit and cheap tee shirts. Disney knows how to market to their target audience, literally.

What I did not prep them on was the unexpected intermission about 11 minutes into the show. This is what I sawbefore the overwhelming smell of fresh hurl was wafting through the theater. A kid a few rows up had projectile ralphed all over the place causing a panic and forcing parents and kids into the aisles. This was the obvious difference between the hell that is watching Phineas and Ferb on television, versus being in a crowded auditorium with others. There is no substitute for the special effects of real spew.

As one of the staff members sprinkled puke soaker pellets and sprayed disinfectant all over, the custodial team did the hard clean up. I asked permission
to take these photos for proof that I survived Phineas and Ferb live with a random 3D effect in technicolor yawn. The gal in the photo laughed when I explained that I needed photographic proof that my husband, "OWED ME BIG TIME" for these good times, ohhhh, good times indeed.

I wondered back into the lobby during this brief hiatus only to find the mother of the vomitroid child gabbing with the ushers. When I overheard her say, "Well, they sent him home from school this morning because he threw up twice, but he kept his lunch down just fine until a few minutes ago." Ummmmmm, really? I wanted to chime in and tell her I was giving her my recently awarded "MOTHER OF THE YEAR" trophy, but instead, I bit my tongue and dreamed of febreeze, sunshine, rainbows, lollipops and unicorns. It was either that or slam her absurd face into the evil parent eliminator designed by Dr. Doofenschmertz. I made the right call.

In all fairness to the cast and production team, the show itself

was decent. Given the content and target audience, it was a nice way to introduce kids to all things live, dancing, stage and set, in person.

The voice overs were painful. If you thought Candace has a whiny ass drawl on Disney, it is magnified and amplified in the live show, not in a good way. Somethings never change, and the nails on the chalkboard that is all things Candace is made worse with a wireless mike.

I was mildly disturbed when Candace belted out her solo song, ESS- EYE-EMMM-PEE, S-i-m-p, squirrels in my pants.

It was part hip-hop, part rap, and pure torture.

So if you are reading this when high hopes of someday taking your brood to see a Disney Live show, here are my two cents. Have someone else fund the experience, talk endlessly in advance about expectations, take all the patrons to the bathroom before the show starts, be prepared to fork over a small fortune if you are generous enough to by the limited edition souvenir toys. Souvenir is the french word for rip off. So, forget a fire drill....you will need to know where to go in the case of a projectile barfing scenario.

Enjoy the show!

In case you are curious, I did consult the Urban Dictionary for various terms to use in this post. When I entered vomit into the home page search engine, I smiled at all of the thesauraus like choices.

upchuck
barf
vomit
hurl
ralph
purge
puke
hork
buick
spew
regurgitate
throw up
toss your cookies
lose your lunch
toss a sidewalk pizza
tango with the toilet
make modern art in the toilet
have a technicolor yawn
expunge the contents of your stomach
bare your guts to the world
become a multicolored organic fountain
revisit your breakfast
vomit your victuals
drive the porcelain bus
perform peristaltic pyrotechnics
paint the town red.. and green and orange and pink
have to say "that tasted better going down than coming up"
burp to the ninth power
make the janitor get out the ol’ sawdust bucket
find out just how acidic your stomach contents are
greet your guts
pray to the porcelain god

YOU ARE WELCOME!

Highway to Hell

2011-11-03T21:34:00.001-04:00

Jeff took off for Atlanta this morning before the kids and I faced our journey with I-70. It is days like today that even I question my sanity. You are not alone in doubting my ability to pull this kind of hair brained scheme- I myself, wondered if we would make it back without permanent damage to my brain.

I started the morning early, finding the kids all snug as a bugs in a rug. Despite the peaceful slumber, we had about 700 miles and one time zone to go before nightfall, so I had to gettum up and move em out. By myself.

In my head, the lyrics from AC/DC were burned on my brain. How could I not be singing this as I tackled the drive?

I'm on the highway to hell
on the highway to hell
I'm on the highway to hell
on the highway to...HELL
highway to hell
I'm on the highway to hell
highway to hell
highway to hell
highway to hell
momma, highway to highway to hell
And Im going down, all the way down
Im on the highway to hell

We had a long way to go, and a short time to get there. I was not driving this,I was in the Oy Vey mobile with a stack of red box movies and a shit load of Halloween candy. In retrospect, it was not a total recipe for disaster. It is amazing what kids will do in order to get candy and watch pure drivel on DVD.

We stopped for fuel in Terre Haute, Indiana where I made a contribution to my retirement fund. As I bought the powerball ticket, I selected a quick pick rather than my own special numbers and explained the concept of the lottery to the kids. As we drove east, we discussed what we would do with 254 million dollars. Of course I did the whole blah blah blah about charity and helping others before the kids were spending the whole kit and caboodle. Eli would move to Hawaii, CJ would buy 1000 dogs, Natalie would take an airplane to Disney and Charlotte would go to Panama. Me? I would never, ever, drive to and from Kansas City by myself with four kids. And that is what got me through the rest of the trip on the Highway to Hell.

Political Play TIme

2011-11-02T20:26:00.011-04:00

And so the election and political schtick has started. There are all kinds of concerns with the possible candidates for our next President, and every night I catch up on the news while shaking my head in disbelief. The scandals and endless revelations are fodder for Saturday Night Live and when appropriate, I am not above joining in on the good time.

It is with this in mind, that I had my own little fun today, when I took the kids to Paradise Park

in Lee's Summit, Missouri. As the kids explored and did all kind of imaginary creative play, I took photos for the blog and memory pages.

With my warped sense of humor intact, I sat down with my children and played in the animal kingdom. There were stables, farms,
and all types of plastic animal figures to pose. This was not some facebook Farmville bullshit either, we really pretended to own and operate a farm.

When I saw there were other wild animals too, I had to make my own political statement. With elephants and donkeys readily available, it only seemed natural (un-natural?) to pose the figures accordingly.I played democrats and republicans. Then, as I cracked myself up, I took plastic animal porn photos and promptly texted them to my friends.

If you ever wondered what kind of parent I am, now you know and now you have the proof. I am all about creative play, political awareness and poking fun at my own expense.

Paradise Park- the destination for family entertainment, and political play with plastic animals. Ahhhhh, yes, it is an election year and I have to keep my sense of humor afloat.

The Holiday of Gluten, HFCS and Food Dyes

2011-11-01T23:19:00.003-04:00

Let's call it what it is really is a holiday of gluten, HFCS and dyes, also known as.....Halloween. This is the one holiday that brings out the worst in food treats. Every kid in America is out trick or treating for crap. My kids were certainly not an exception. I am all for eating healthy, and this includes devouring pure sugar laden goodies, IN MODERATION.

I made sure each of my four beggars had a different colored bucket. This was done out of necessity,to prevent confusion. When you know your bucket is green and you see a sibling swiping something from the green bucket, it is crystal clear that you have been wronged. Color coding baby bottles, tee shirts, and hats is so six years ago. Now we have territory to mark with individual colors.

When the Kansas City Chiefs play Monday Night Football ON Halloween, there is reason to celebrate. The enthusiasm and spirit of trick or treating was overshadowed by the need to get home in time for kick off. Look at the genius set up in the cul-de-sacright by Aunt Shell's house. This projection screen television was showing the game on the garage doors of the house, while keg beer was being poured for the "chaperones". New Albany can't compete with these die hards. Aunt Edye and Uncle Marc
served spankikopita appetizers, fire pit smores and wine- the chumps. Just kidding Edye. In Kansas City it is, "Trick or treat, are you ready for some football?"

Here is a good look at the stash of candy that was brought back to Aunt Shell's house after about 45 minutes.
I did my best to eliminate the absolute forbidden sugar and dye products like Pixie Sticks, Lik-M-Aid and Fun Dips, and filtered the collection to let them have chocolate bars, and other gross, commercialized, over processed individually wrapped delicacies. Here is the way the pile was broken down to separate the items from CJ's bucket into two piles, one pile for dye/gluten freeand the other pile for donation to the "wheat people." I figure they do this once a year, and I will turn my cheek for a couple of days every fall. We don't go bonkers for Valentine's day, we do not do Easter baskets, and aside from Latkes and Brisket, they don't get anything remotely close to this at Hanukkah. See kids, I allowed you ingest junk on Halloween. See, I really did!

As a parent that is concerned for my child's safety and well being, I had a duty to examine the candy they collected. I did my best to check for razor blades and tampering. It was a difficult job because, I swear there were many Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and almost all of the Godiva Gems were "suspicious" looking. I quickly segregated those and personally tasted them to be sure they were okay for my angels. What's a mom to do? I would never turn to x-ray machines in the local ER like my parents did back in the late 1970's. I am the guinea pig of all Godiva chocolates. Period, Case Closed.

To top off an already unbelievable evening, the Chiefs won in overtime. Oh the insanity of it all.

In hindsight, planning an 11 hour car trip with four kids, no aupair or nanny and ONE PARENT for the return drive just days after Halloween is a mistake. What a huge undertaking after the ghouls have eaten this kind of mind blowing junk. I am gearing up for the job, and no amount of suspicious Reeses or Godiva chocolates deter me.

I will claim my glass of wine and my Mother of the Year trophy, as I safely pull into the driveway with four hopped up hooligans. Until then, I hope your holiday of gluten, HFCS and Food dye was like the KC Chiefs on Monday Night Football....a WINNER!

A New Zoo Review

2011-10-31T23:31:00.001-04:00

Okay, Okay, so with this title, I am showing my age. I am sure some of my readers will remember the show, the new zoo review- you know who you are. The rest of you will just think I am being all witty and cute.

Good times my friends, good times.

With our reciprocal Columbus Zoo membership plus two guest passes from Nat and Rachelle, we took Nana with us and hit the Kansas City Zoo.

It was the most glorious weather, crisp and clear- ideal for wearing Fall Clothes without a pesky coat, hat, gloves and other warming gear.

I made sure that I sandwiched this adventure in the middle of our time in Kansas City. I knew there would be a ton of walking,

roaming up and down hilly paths, and I needed to be sure these kids would get their own monkeys out. I made sure they got enough exercise to make up for the two days of sitting in car seats and watching red box movies.

The review of the Kansas City zoo can be seen in the happy faces of my kids as we explored every inch of the newly remodeled facilities. I admit the face lift was overdue and now this is a really amazing Kansas City destination.

My own little animals enjoyed

seeing everything and were most impressed by the sky ride over Africa where you could get a birds eye view of the exhibit below.

I would have been good to just sit my fat ass down to ride the sky ride repeatidly, but the kids wanted to make time for the carousel

and other fantastic sights during our review of the new zoo.

We had fun and that is the bottom line when you are taking kids anywhere. This concludes my 2011 new zoo review, not to be confused with the 1970's version of my youth.

"I should have taken the baby back ribs"

2011-10-30T20:52:00.012-04:00

This marks our annual mecca to Kansas City for the birthday party we jokingly call, Grandma-palooza. When you are 101 years old, you can say and do pretty much anything you want. And get away with it. An entire weekend is dedicated to you, and like it or not, you are forced into mandatory family fun.

Aunt Nat and Aunt Rachelle treated the kids to a special morning of all things cowboy and horses. They chartered a pony riding stable for a hour

and the kids just rode and rode taking turns on each of the beautiful ponies. CJ told Nana he was a natural at riding horses. Where does he get these comments?

Again, we used the outdoor scene to try to capture a more recent photo of all the kids, but alas, we just decided to say, what the hay, and move along. Instead, I got as many candids

as I could and will make some digital pages for the memory books.

We went to visit the birthday girl in her play room. The great grandkids sure enjoy all of Grandma's toys and puzzles.They have no concept of the community center room, they just think that Grandma has a vast selection of amazing toys. We took photos of each of us with the birthday girl- when you have multiples, I have been told that in the future they will each wish that they had special photos of themselves

without the whole posse. I get that concept, and I try to snap individual images lest I pay for their therapy sessions, times four! I made sure to showcase that 101 is the new 85- no botox, no photoshop- these are indeed, my genes.

Nana and Papa took the whole fam damily

out for dinner in honor of Grandma's big day. The kids were mildly freaked out by the taxidermy in the room, so I did my best to remedy the situation. The rest of the meal was typical of dining out with 6 kids, two cranky senior citizens and over tired parents.

You might wonder what a 101 year old lady orders for her meal. Here is the choice of the 100 year old, plus one,7 ounce filet mignon prepared medium, side of chardonnay cream with lump crab meat, grilled asparagus, and a loaded baked potato. As it was presented to her, she leaned into me and said, "I should have taken the baby back ribs." This is classic Grandma. Classic.

With six helpers to blow out the candles, the above mentioned meal was concluded with peach cobbler ala mode.

Yes, she ate it all washed down with a few glasses of her beloved Sprite.

Next year, G-d willing, when we have a change of scenery for the big # 102, I will remind her to take the baby back ribs.

The Night of the Tired Parents

2011-10-29T23:17:00.000-04:00

We drove to Kansas City starting around midnight. Jeff and I experimented with the departure time and I can honestly say, we won't be doing it this way ever again. While we arrived in KC first thing in the morning, we were all cranky, tired and whining. Thankfully our day started at the Hallmark Visitors Center at Crown Center.

At the Children's Kaleidoscope, the art projects were free flowing and the fun was on going. The only that would have made it better for the adults would have been a nap station and or massage therapist. Cest La Vie.

As you can see, the cousins reunited as if time had stood still since summer.

They just pick right up where they left off, and are glad to see each other. We made several attempts to get a fantastic photo of the six grandchildren,

but like most tries, it was unsuccessful.

We went non-stop all day. There was lunch at Jason's Deli, followed by outdoor playgrounds, parks and more recreation. The evening meal was at Sweet Tomatoes where kids ate free if they were dressed in their Halloween costumes. We totally took advantage of that one, times SIX.
The Scooby Doo gang, the unicorn, and the police officer were the stars of Sweet Tomatoes, which really isn't setting the bar all that high, you know.

To top off our action packed start to the change of scenery, we went to Night of the Living Farm

at the Deanna Rose Farmstead. The kids trick or treated and mooched all kinds of swag from various participants. There were face paintings, hayrides

and pumpkin tossing contests. By far the highlight of the evening was tossing real pumpkins through a white pvc pipe,

onto a trampoline and into a pen. Candy is good but getting to wield gourds onto a bouncy surface is sublime.

This is how Jeff and I felt all day.
It is what I found in the hotel bed after I showered the kids and put them into jammies. Normally, I would have to lay down next to them to settle them and get them to sleep, but tonight, I excused myself to change my clothes and 3 minutes later they were all out like a light.

Next year, we will time our trip more appropriately, leaving early in the morning and arriving after lunch. Otherwise, we experience the day and night of exhausted parents.

And remember, even though I am taking vacation time off at work, travel with four kids for 11.5 hours in a minivan is NOT A VACATION. It is a change of scenery.

Crayon Cupakes

2011-10-28T21:36:00.001-04:00

The removal of old, broken and stubby crayons has always been a necessary evil of crafting. What kids like to use the ugly crayons that end up at the bottom of the crayola stash? My kids avoid "those" crayons like the plague and opt to use the pretty, new, sharp and perfect colors.

I am opposed to just tossing the broken bits out and I have been saving the little nubs for this cool crafting assignment. The kids thought I was crazy to keep all the little bits in a bag- they had no idea I was up to something that would be fun and frugal.

I have discovered a crafting project that is all things excellent. It uses the discarded crayons and is truly recycling at its finest. As we did this together the kids renamed my craft for me- they called these, crayon cupcakes.

We took all the icky crayons and unwrapped them.
With a bowl full of naked coloring stubs we filled some heart shaped silicone molds to make new and improved marbled crayon bricks. I suggested that

we fill the heart molds with similar colors, but CJ wanted his to be a hodge podge of the rainbow- live and learn.

Once the molds were filled about 3/4 full of the crayon bits and pieces, we shoved the mold into the toaster convection oven at 275 degrees for about 12 minutes until all the crayons were completely melted. We cooled them in the fridge until they were solidified. Once they were ready, we popped them out,
and marveled at our success. These turned out so much better than I expected.

The kids colored with their new found crayon friends. It was great to put an unwanted item to good use. This was one artsy fartsy task that was re purposing and fun.

I plan to buy a few other silicone cupcake molds to add to our collection of shapes. In this case, we love heart shaped colorful crayon cupcakes.

Eli's Resume

2011-10-27T08:54:00.000-04:00

Now that I am working full time, the kids have a new appreciation for all things career related. We have discussed jobs, paychecks, schedules and responsibilities as they relate to our new family situation.

Eli has had he hardest time with me not being home as much. He is struggling with the changes and has voiced his disapproval of my absence. I have tried to enlighten him on the benefits of my new job. I have taken him inside the store for a tour so he can process what happens while I am at work.

All these steps have made the transition easier but not completely seamless. Eli is still unsure about me working full time. The only thing that would make this easier for him, is if he could come to work with me. Eli asked me, "Mommie, how about if I go to work with you, then I won't miss you because we will be together?" I told Eli I would check with my manager.

A day or so later, not giving up on his hope to start working with me at Saks, Eli brought up the topic again. This time he said, "Mommie, what is your manager's name?" I said, "Bill is the manager at Saks." And with that Eli went into the playroom.

I had no idea what Eli was working on, but when he came out, he handed me this:Apparently, this is Eli's hand written letter to my manager, Bill.

For those of you that do not speak Kindergarten, Eli wrote:

Dear Bill,

I will take your shoppers out. I will show your customers where to go.

From,
Eli

I guess I can safely say that this is Eli's first resume. It reads more like a cover letter written by a 6 year old, but hey, that is what it is.

Of course I photocopied this, stuck a translation post it note onto the bottom and put it in Bill's inner office mailbox.

No word yet if Eli will get the job, but in terms of entrepreneurial skills, clearly, the kid is gifted.

Don't You, Forget About Me

2011-10-25T08:28:00.002-04:00

This blog is my official memory keeper. With all the information I am required to retain, I need back up. I'm not in High School anymore, and I can't fill my head with tons of useless information.

I am constantly fearful that I am going to forget something important or worse yet, forget something funny and trivial.

Earlier today, as I was helping Charlotte get dressed, there was a glitch in putting on her tights. Somehow, the seam across her toes was wrinkled and bunched up. Clearly, this was uncomfortable, so Charlotte took it upon herself to correct the problem. When she was unable to remedy the situation, she asked me to assist. "Mommie, come help me fix my tights, they are all funky in the front and it is choking my toes!"

Eli was really hungry before I was ready to serve dinner last night. He was sitting nicely at the table waiting for the meal. At one point, he asked me. "Can I please have an appetizement?"

Natalie notices EVERYTHING! Nothing gets by this kid. As she was rubbing Pennylane's belly, she saw a brown spot on Penny's nipple. Natalie studied the mark, and asked me, "Mommie, are these the nipples that Penny used to give her puppies milk?" I nodded yes. Natalie looked over all the other nipples and noted that one was pinkish and the others were mostly covered with white fur. I could tell she was processing something, but I did not expect her to say, "Ohhhhh, these are where the white milk comes out, this one is strawberry and this brown is one is the chocolate milk."

From the mouths of my babes, these are the truly important things that I don't want to forget.

When Simple Minds released the song, Don't you, Forget about me, I was in High School, and The Breakfast Club was my favorite movie. Now, some years later, the song has taken on a whole new meaning to me. I still sing along anytime I hear it, only now, instead of seeing Judd Nelson and Emilio Estevez, I see appetizements, choking toes and flavored dog milk.

Don't You Forget About Me.

Pumpkin Heads

2011-10-24T08:07:00.003-04:00

Of course, I am all nostalgic here in late October. This is the time of year when it is all things Halloween, pumpkin and costumes. Every Halloween, I take pride in my themes knowing that this could be the last year of getting all the minds on board with my matching and coordinating costume ideas.

The babies and I had nothing to do with their stylish pumpkin hats on what was technically their first Halloween. These crochet hats were made and donated to the NICU

and it was so incredibly darling to walk into the unit to find my babies dressed up for the season. Awwwwwww, lil punkin heads.

This small token act of random kindness meant so much to me that Halloween. I had been caught off guard with the babies early arrival and was totally unprepared to decorate them for anything festive. The hats made photo opps that year a reality.

I had grand plans for the triplets first Halloween.... I did not even think they would be here for October 31, 2005. My due date was December 23. I assumed their very first Halloween would come when they were about 10 months old, and could be in some kind of plush costume. WRONG!

Life throws you curve balls sometimes, and in my case, these little curve balls are my pumpkin heads. Life is good.

My Little Emily Post

2011-10-23T20:31:00.002-04:00

Most people under 40 do not know who Emily Post is- nor do they care. Remember, I am ritzy Helene and if there is one thing I know, it is manners, etiquette and proper behavior. I am not saying I abide by all the rules, I just know what they are.

Years ago, Emily Post was the ultimate guide for those who needed guidance. Her books were common sense and old school rules for civility. Times have changed but the general information and accountability for your own actions is still valid. I try to instill these basic lessons in behaving nicely to my children, lest they become hellions and embarrass me in public.

This morning, I schlepped all four kids to First Watch for breakfast. They were up early and Mommie needed coffee and a reason to get dressed and out of the house. As we sat in the restaurant, I detected the evil stares from people without children.

I know that look. It is the stink eye that says, "Your kids better not disturb us." Eating out with four kids by myself works for me. I seem to micro-manage the situation by ordering quickly, offering a quiet activity and engaging the kids in a conversation until the food arrives. As we waited for our meal at First Watch, my children sat like angels and I was not at all ashamed of their behavior, in fact, I was a proud parent.

The table directly across from us was not as lucky. There was a four or five year old girl reeking all kinds of havoc under the neglectful watch of her two parents. They seemed oblivious to their disruptive child who was whining, throwing sugar packets, spitting, banging her silverware like drumsticks, and annoying the piss out of everyone in the place. The stink eye from every single patron there did not do a damn thing to curb the ear piercing whining and chaos.

Emily Post be damned, my sweet daughter, Charlotte decided to speak up. My four year old girl leaned over to the brat, used her teacher like voice and said, "Excuse me, but this is a whining free restaurant and you are whining. You are being rude to all the people that are behaving nicely."

The older couple on my side of the table raised their orange juice glasses and said, "Here Here!"

I was doing everything in my power not to crack up laughing. How does a four year old girl with balls of steel take it upon herself to do this? I suppose she learns from example. I believe I *might* have had something to do with it.

Like mother like daughter- I suppose. Ritzy Helene is raising Charming and Chutzpahdic Charlotte.

and yes, the parents were totally clueless. they had no idea that their precious child was less than precious.

The Butt Humor Continues...

2011-10-22T20:13:00.002-04:00

As if the pooping turtle was not enough for me this week, my children have taken their BUTT HUMOR to another level. I am so sick of the jokes about body parts, poop, pee and toilets. Yet, it continues.

Early today we experienced a power outage. At first, I called Jeff and asked if he paid our electric bill. I could not go on line to see if this was a termination of services or just a freak outage so he had to investigate. As I waited for the details on the problem, the kids were driving me insane.

It is times like these when I am thankful to be a modern day parent. I rely heavily on electricity and I am not ashamed to say so. I do love me some television, computers, dishwashers, washing machines and dvd players. I could not revert back to Pioneer days- no way. The Pioneer Woman I am not- I am more of the Woman Near the Pie.

When we learned that all of New Albany was in the dark, I was relieved that it was not a bill payment oversight. It did not make it any less annoying though. I had to Plan B my morning with the kids. To entertain them, I suggested we make a movie on my i-phone.

These impromptu videos are always a great way to pass the time. When I interview the kids there is no telling what they might say or do, and that is half the fun. I secretly hope for blog worthy stuff, but most of the time it is a total crap shoot.

The video today is unscripted, unedited and totally real. My hellions say it like it is-

Butt kicking potty humor and all.

The World Series of J-date Stories

2011-10-21T19:18:00.002-04:00

Certain events trigger certain memories. Some good, some bad, some so absolutely horrid that you can't rid your mind of the association between the memory and the present time. The St. Louis Cardinals playing baseball while the whole world is watching is one of these scaring moments for me.

You might think I am referring to a bad first base call when my Kansas City Royals played the Cards in the 1985 World Series. Nope, guess again.

Remember the night Mark McGuire hit his famous 62nd home run? That would have been September 8, 1998 at 8:18 p.m. CDT to be exact. I know exactly where I was that night- I was in dating HELL. I recall this particular first date as the all time, World Series of J-date FAILS.

A prospective gentleman caller had e-mailed me from my profile on the Jewish dating service. I was working in Personal Touch the wardrobe styling and personal shopping service at Nordstrom. At the time, I was not seeing anyone special, and everyone I knew was married already, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. From his photo and on line profile, I learned he was 42, Jewish, divorced and living in Leawood.

We agreed to meet for dinner at Yahooz restaurant. I chose that particular spot so we could watch the Cardinals play against the Cubs while we ate. My date had lived in St. Louis and was really pleased that I kept that in mind when selecting the venue. As we sat in the bar talking and watching the game, I detected there was something shady about him. I could not put my finger on it, but there was something.

During our meal my date kept asking me questions about my family. He wanted to know if I had any brothers? No, just a sister, she is a lawyer. He continued, by asking if I had any cousins named Eichenwald that lived in Kansas City? Again, I said no, and changed the subject. He was a little obsessed with the whole genealogy thing but when you have a last name like Eichenwald, people remember it- and obviously he knew one of my relatives.

As the meal progressed my date took every available opportunity to brag about his fancy cars, his big house, his Harley, his collection of Peter Max artwork, blah blah blah. All I knew was that he was shallow, had a full head of dark hair, worked out and was a self centered schmuck. It was clear to me that there was no love connection.

After Mark Mcgwire hit that 62nd home run there was an enormous ruckus in the bar. People were cheering, toasting with drinks and it was an exciting time. I sat there wondering how long I had to stay before I could leave without seeming rude. We had dessert and I continued to fake interest in his bragging and constant topic of his wealth. Feh.

This was the actual conversation during dessert:

date: "Are you sure you aren't related to Howard Eichenwald?"

me: (thinking, Wait, huh? He had never asked me that, he had only fished for information about male relatives named Eichenwald.)

me: "Yes, I am related to Howard Eichenwald."

date: "How are you two related?"

me: "Howard is married to my mother."

date: "You mean to tell me that Howard Eichenwald is your father?"

me: "Yes, right. Why do you ask?"

date: "We graduated from high school together."

me: "That makes you a liar, on J-date you claim to be 42- clearly you are 52."

date: "Helene, I date women in their 30's and if they see that I am 52 they won't go out with me, so I just subtract 10 years.

me: "Well, perhaps can set you up with one of my parents friends then."

After that I could not help but laugh. It was either laugh or cry. The absolute absurdity of the whole thing made me skeptical of all things dating. If this was the best there was, I was going to be single forever.

As soon as I got in my car, I called my dad. Keep in mind, this is when cell phones were in a bag, hooked up to the cigarette lighter, and it cost an insane fifty some cents a minute to actually talk on one. Regardless of the cost, I had to call my dad right then and there. I point blank asked him, "Dad, do you remember some guy from high school named XXXXX?" My dad said, "That asshole? Why do you want to know about him?" To which I replied, "I just had a blind date with him."

So when I am channel surfing this week, and I see the St. Louis Cardinals in the World Series, I look at the hitting coach, Mark Mcgwire and smile. I am ever so grateful that I did not throw in the towel based on that J-date experience. I could have called it quits based on the 52 year old asshole, and I would have never met Jeff.

I am working on a more positive St. Louis Cardinals and Mark Mcgwire association, but so far, I can't get past it. I had the World Series of J-date horror stories.

I beg anyone to top this one.

Condom Couture- It's a Wrap

2011-10-20T17:01:00.004-04:00

Oh what a night! Fashion, fun, and fundraising- all brought together to raise money and awareness for Planned Parenthood.

I have participated and joined plenty of committees over the years, most a huge waste of time, but this is one event that is successful only because of the dedication from the volunteers. Sure it is a huge commitment time wise, but it is all for a good and worthy cause. My fellow committee members and I
gave it our all, and believe me, it showed. The event was flawless- the only downfall was the rain- literally.

The condom corsages I painstakingly made were a hit. We were sold out before the show even started. Next year I am going to have to make more because when it comes to accessorizing, nothing is more festive than a floral corsage made from condoms, beads and rubber cement. In fact,

these gals loved their new corsages so much, they planned on wearing them to work the next day to a law firm. How cool is that?

The student designers from CCAD really out did themselves this year. The new venue held more people
and the show itself was SOLD OUT. Even the standing room only area was to capacity. As you can see from all of the smiling faces,

people were having fun and enjoying the evening, it was simply, Amazing!

With a long runway that extended into the crowd, the designers were able to showcase their condom clad models.

The audience was completely blown away by the talent. These garments are constructed of condoms, condom wrappers and sweat equity. At a distance you could not tell these were not crafted from fabric, which is a testament to the quality and workmanship.

The evening featured live music,

great food, drinks and the desire to provide women's health education and treatment. I know the photos

do not do the night justice, but when I say Condom Couture, I mean couture from condoms.

Condom Couture 2011- oh yeah, it is a wrap!

Marco Polo, Marco Bicego

2011-10-19T22:05:00.004-04:00

Saks Fifth Avenue in Columbus, Ohio welcomed famed jeweler,Marco Bicego to the store for a personal appearance. All week, I had been doing a word association in my head to help me pronounce his name correctly. As I geared up for the event I was chanting, Marco Polo, Marco Beach-a-go.

Whatever works.

As the rain fell continuously from dusk to dawn, I wished I was playing Marco Polo on a Beach-a-go vacation. Instead, I played jewelry dress up with my friends and co-workers. If there was ever a time to stay indoors, and get all dolled up with 18 karat gold and precious stones, this was it. Right place, right time.

Watch this video on the Marco Bicego page of the Saks website if you want to be "wow-ed" by Marco Bicego. These are some of my favorite pieces,

and it took some time to narrow down the choices to just these few.

Marco Bicego is a humble, sweet, charming and gorgeous goldsmith. His family has been making amazing wearable art for years, and for two weeks a year, Marco himself comes to the United States to meet his fans. How lucky was I to be part of the Saks team in welcoming Marco Bicego to Columbus? Yeah, it is tough job, but someone has to do it.

If there was ever any doubt about how much I love my new job,

you can stop wondering. As if it is really horrible to be forced to stay inside socializing with clients and listening to a handsome Italian man talk about his passion for making jewelry? And like all proper social situations, there was food and drink being passed around too.

To literally put the cherry on top of the dessert, it was a delicious evening.

Yummy. I do love me some drinks, diamonds and Italian men. Next year, I will not need a word association at all. I can say Marco Bicego in my dreams.

The Yellow Tomato Sauce Experiment

2011-10-17T20:53:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, after coming home with more yellow Sunbursts than I knew what to do with, I decided to conduct a little crock pot experiment today. I figured I had nothing to really lose in the deal, so why not?

Before I left for work, I crammed all of the small tomatoes into a sink full of soapy water. I swished and rinsed them, drained them on paper towels, and settled on making tomato sauce from scratch.

I use a ton of tomato sauce in my batch cooking recipes for chili, spaghetti sauce, soups, stews and rice dishes. Canned tomatoes are okay, but I do worry about BPA linings, and carton tomato sauces are bionic in price. Perhaps my sister wife, April and her food storage system is on to something. Making my own is my preferred method in the kitchen anyway, so why not concoct some yellow tomato sauce with my plethora of free tomatoes?

In the past, I have made tomato sauce by blanching the fruit, removing the skin and pureeing the tomatoes. Obviously, with the tiny size of these yellow sunbursts, there was no way in hell I was going to peel them. Here is what I did instead:

I just threw in a few frozen garlic cubes, a few basil cubes, tossed in the clean tomatoes, drizzled a bit of olive oil,
shook the dried Italian herbs on the top, closed the lid and left the crock pot on low. Before I walked out the door for work, about an hour or so later, the contentslooked like this and seemed to be slowly oozing tomato juice. When I got home the tomatoes had cooked down and were swimming in bubbling liquid. The house smelled like a pizza factory and my project passed the sniff test.

In order to take the tomatoes to sauce status,

I blended them using my immersion blender stick. After whirling through the skins, pulp, herbs and fruit, the sauce was nice and smooth. I allowed it to cook even longer on low to thicken it a bit. The color went from golden yellow to a deep amber as it stewed.

I tasted the tomato sauce after it cooled. I'm pleased to report that it was beyond decent. Despite the funky color,it tasted fine. It tastes like the red version but appears to be more brownish yellow- I highly doubt it was cause alarm in cooked food. I am sure it will be great in meatloaf, sauces, and soups.

I am storing the crock pot sauce in ziploc freezer quarts, and the remaining 3 cups are spread out into ice cube trays in the freezer. Once they are frozen solid, I will plop them into another ziploc and use them accordingly.

The great yellow tomato sauce experiment is deemed a success.

I Saw Free Produce

2011-10-16T20:18:00.003-04:00

Every time I am out and about, I am looking for the latest and greatest products and services. When it comes to shopping, I consider myself a professional.

We all know I love a good deal. Who doesn't? Yes, it takes a bit more effort to be frugal. Yes, I am still finding the time to clip and redeem grocery coupons. I make it a Sunday night project to clip, organize and gear up for the week ahead.

Every once in a while there is a grocery deal that I do not anticipate. When I was painstakingly picking our produce at the Market District this morning, I found a bargain that I could not refuse. As I passed an end cap display of sunny yellow, cherry sized tomatoes that were two for $3.00 or $1.50 each, I reached into my binder for a $.55 cents off coupon. Knowing that Giant Eagle would double this offer to $1.10, I quickly did the math and realized one container of tomatoes would be a mere forty cents. Cha Ching!

But hold on there just a second. When I picked up the container I saw an instant peel and use coupon for SEVENTY FIVE CENTS OFF.
My brain went into spastic mode. Instead of seeing a carton of yellow tomatoes, I saw, FREE TOMATOES. Those little $.75 off stickers were peeled and doubled to make those buck fifty cartons, absolutely eff, are, double "E" Free.

I rounded up Jeff on his i-phone, hissed at him to grab a second cart and meet me by the tomatoes. As he neared the display he said, "Why did you need me to come over here with a second cart, you barely have anything in yours?" I gave him a lesson in basic math, shoved 8 cartons of free yellow tomatoes into his empty buggy, added a gallon of apple cider and a bunch of bananas, and told him to go check out. He complied with my request, and went back upstairs to continue reading the paper and surfing on his computer.

Meanwhile, I plunked 15 cartons into my own cart and continued shopping. I got to the fruit area and another too good to be true deal was ripe for the picking. Pun intended. Even a moron could look at this and see free pineapple spears.When the instant coupon is $1 off and the cost is a dollar, that spells FREE. I normally would NEVER buy individually packaged, single, fresh pineapple spears. At a dollar a pop, that is ridiculous. But when they are giving them away, now, that is another story. I saw that these can be frozen, so they are perfect for lunch boxes and on the go snacking to be named later.

I guess this post is a bit of a brag. My initial intent was not to gloat, but to point out that it is important to pay attention to prices and coupons. Most people passed the display cases and saw yellow tomatoes and pineapple spears.

I saw free produce.

Is it a turtle pooping?

2011-10-15T19:36:00.005-04:00

You must have kindergarten children to understand the insanity that is potty humor. Every single "joke" is focused around pee, poop, toilets, butts and stinky diapers. It is a phase I am told.

With a group of kids trying to out do each other with potty talk, things escalate quickly. One person starts the dialogue and says something they find funny, then they all chime in attempt to one up their sibling. Before long, they are all cracking up at the mention of stupid poopy pants, toilet faces, and butt wipers and other nonsense.

I am experiencing this hell daily.

Keeping my current situation in mind, I am a bit sensitive to the subject of potty talk, bathroom jokes, and bodily function humor. Imagine my first reaction to this drawing Charlotte made.She asked me, "Mommie, do you like the picture I made for you?" I nodded and did not think too much about it. Charlotte continued, "Do you know what it is?" Upon closer inspection, I thought that she had sketched a turtle pooping. It seemed obvious to me.

"Noooooooooo! Noooooooooo!" Charlotte screeeched, "It is not a turtle goin poop, that would be so gross, Mommie, it is a turtle eating grapes!"

Excellent. Clearly my mind was in a place of potty thought. These kids are rubbing off on me, in ways that are less than pleasant.

I suggested that Charlotte write a caption on her drawing so that it would be clear to everyone that this was in fact, a turtle eating grapes.Not too shabby for a four year old?

I made her sign her work, so that in the future it would be crystal clear who made this lovely picture, that is NOT a turtle pooping.

Coming Right Along

2011-10-14T20:33:00.004-04:00

I am final countdown mode until the Condom Couture event next week. I am thrilled to take part in such a fun filled evening. Ticket sales are going well and things are, pardon the pun, coming right along.

My corsage making capabilities are getting stronger. I have determined

that the circular cut out of a paper plate is the correct weight for the backs of the brooches. Combined with a touch of hot glue, some silk floral leaves and the condom flower, these spirit pins are almost ready to be debuted at the concession stand.

I think they look festive and just cute enough to wear. When the committee asks me for a status report on the condom corsages, I will giggle when I say, "They are coming right along!"

The question is, are you coming along too? I promise it will be a hoot!

Fantasy Fashion Team

2011-10-13T20:09:00.000-04:00

I have a fantasy football team. I am competitive when it comes to family bragging rights, gambling and sports. Since I have little time and little interest in the details of managing a team, I hired my nephew Justin to be the manager. This is a win win for both of us. Justin has me as a ($$$) backer for the team and we split the winnings, if there are any, 50-50. He does all the trades, picks and plays, keeps abreast of the score and standings. It is fun to witness his enthusiasm for the league. Fantasy football is a Slutsky family thing.

As I was thinking about the fantasy football concept, I wondered, could I design a fantasy fashion league (FFL)? It would be a similar concept. You select the designers you want to have, pick who is showcased each week according to the season schedule, and your choices of apparel would be purely fantasy. I could say things like, "I drafted Donna Karan and Chanel this week, I sure hope it does not rain." Or perhaps my conversation would go like this, "Well, since I have Manolo in this week, I will skip the self park and go with valet parking." My fantasy fashion game would allow me to be outfitted in a dream world where money is no object.

Like all fantasies, it is too good to be true, but sure is fun playing. I did put together an amazing outfit for display in my fitting room. If my fantasy fashion league were to get started with my pre-season selection, this would be the combination.Camel cashmere cape trimmed in fur by Adrienne Landau over Lafayette 148 dark brown wool trousers, crisp white cotton blouse by Pink Tartan, Longchamp ruby red tote bag, Prada brown tortoise sunglasses, Saks Fifth Avenue label chocolate leather gloves, and Christian Louboutin leopard pumps with a kitten heel and red sole. The handbag picks up the color of the soles when you walk, so it just all ties together beautifully.

This outfit just rocks my FFL world. I am playing some lesser known designers along with the big league fashionista labels. My team is working it.

Now I just need a $$$ backer and I am all set. This fantasy fashion league is one game I could play to win. Move over ESPN, the Style Network is going to take over.

Lexus 1, Infiniti 0

2011-10-12T23:43:00.000-04:00

Without going into painstaking detail, Jeff got creamed in the roundabout near our house tonight. When the other driver fails to yield, it causes all kinds of damage.

At the end of the evening the score was Lexus SUV 1, Infiniti sedan 0.

I had just gotten into a luxurious bubble bath when my cell rang with the distinctive Jeff tone. I knew he was on the way home from karate, so I got out of the tub, ran to the phone on the charger and got his call before it rolled into voicemail. He told me he was going to be late getting home because he was involved in a car accident. As he shared the simple facts with me I got dried off, threw on some clothes and went to the scene, 3 blocks away.

It was a good thing I had spoken to Jeff prior to arriving at the accident. From the looks of his car, this was a bad one. He was hit so hard that his car spun around and ended up like a beached whale against a tree and fence. Ahhhhh, the beautiful white picket fence that subtly says, welcome to New Albany. You're welcome, thank you.

We waited for the tow truck to come and chatted with the Sheriff who took the report. I snapped a ton of photos
for the insurance company. After my own accident back in May, I was just making sure the severity was documented. The other driver was formally ticketed and was at fault. Fortunately, this time, the other driver was insured.

So in keeping with the theme this year, we will keep score. The score is uninsured driver 1, Toyota van 0, Smash and Grab neighborhood thieves 1, Toyota Van 0, Lexus SUV 1, the Infiniti sedan, 0.

This whole thing sucks Baytzim-Oy vey!

Jewish Toyotas

2011-10-11T17:45:00.007-04:00

Every once in a while, something really trivial makes me smile. While I frown upon actual stupidity, stupid observations are another story.

I pay attention to personalized license plates. My friend Dana was the one who started the Bible Verse, Jesus toting, Proverbs spouting license plate game. She noticed that here in Ohio people wear their religion on their cars.

When I got Oy Vey on the van no one even asked me why. I suppose having triplets plus one, being a crazy lunatic driver and not putting up with stupidity made Oy Vey the appropriate choice. Not one person has questioned my choice of vanity tags and anyone who spots me around town can tell I am driving a Jewish Toyota.

Tonight, I pulled into a crowded parking lot in Bexley. I noticed a white Camry with tags that said, "Bubbe 1" next to me. It was as if the Yiddish Car Club members were having a convention or something. How cool is it to see two obviously Jewish Toyotas parked next to each other?

So all this license plate talk has me thinking.... what should I get for Jeff's car? I am considering BAYTZIM, which translatesto Balls, yes those kind. Jeff taught our first Au Pair, Yolanda some yiddish. The first sentence she learned from my husband was, "Az der bubbe vot gehat baytzim vot zie geven mein zayde." which means, if my grandmother had balls she would have been my grandfather. Nice. Baytzim suits him, no?

I am looking forward to coming home after a long day at work, parking my car in the driveway and laughing at Oy Vey, and Baytzim. It is just the little things that make me smile.

Six Years Ago Today

2011-10-10T17:15:00.000-04:00

I often go back and look at all the NICU photos from the triplets first few months of life. I am not sure why I am drawn to these images, but I can tell you, that over time, I notice different things in each shot.

Six years ago today, I held CJ for the first time. Prior to his tenth day, he did not weigh enough (in grams) to come out of his isolette. When he was ten days old, one of our nurses took pity on me, and let me do kangaroo care
with CJ regardless of his weight. In this photo he was ten days old and about one pound 11 ounces. It was a magical day for us.

Now, when I go back and stare at the photos, I am seeing things differently. I can see that since the triplets arrival my husband has gone totally grey. Just six years ago,he was not coloring his hair, and it was more brown than grey. I guess this is what you can expect when you are sleep deprived for six years straight.

I never realized just how scrawny skinny I was after the delivery. The triplet pregnancy and hyperemisis did a number on my stored body fat.

Looking at these photographs is proof that I am just one triplet pregnancy away from my ideal goal weight.

Six years ago today, we were in day to day mode. That NICU roller coaster ride is a journey and we got through it by not thinking too far ahead. Now, I love looking back- mainly to see how far we have come.

Key to the Cure

2011-10-09T22:11:00.001-04:00

My employer is the sponsor of the upcoming Fashion for a Cause, Key to the Cure. This event takes place in the center court of the mall and features women, all cancer survivors as models. The money from this runway show goes directly to the Columbus Cancer Clinic- an amazing organization that offers assistance to those impacted by cancer.

I never knew that a place called the Columbus Cancer Clinic did not treat cancer. Instead they are a non-profit that offers screenings, support, and assistance to those with cancer. When my store manager educated me about the mission of the Columbus Cancer Clinic, I was proud to be a part of his team. The clinic offers both emotional and financial assistance to those with cancer. For example, imagine a single mom with cancer- if she can't go to work because the chemo makes her sick, who is going to help her pay the rent? What about an older person without support from family members- who will drive them to their treatments and make sure they have food in the house? All valid concerns that I did not think about prior to the morning meeting yesterday. Thanks Bill.

This week, the visual team at Saks started putting up the signage for the event, which is October 17th. Saks sells the Key To The Cure tee shirts, which are $35 each- and remarkably, 100% of the money goes directly to the Columbus Cancer Clinic. Elie Tahari designed the logo tee
and Jennifer Hudson is the national spokesperson. Who can't use another tee shirt?

If that was not enough to help me get excited about the fashion show, I discovered that Karen, one of the other Fifth Avenue Club consultants is a cancer survivor. My co-worker, the one that sits right across the hall from me, the fabulous and always smiling Karen, is 3.5 years since her diagnosis. For the third year in a row, Karen will strut her stuff on that runway. I would not miss it for the world.

The visual team added black and white head shots of the women who will be featured in the runway show next week.

This became a wall of images that showcases a personal triumph over the disease. Their names did not mean anything to me personally, but their images were inspiring. Aside from Karen, who were these ladies and what is their cancer story? It is hard to walk past this display every day, many times a day, staring at the faces and not feel gratitude for a healthy life. It is humbling to realize this could be me, or anyone I care about. If that is not motivation to get involved, I am not sure what is.

Cancer is some scary shit. When there is a way to do something positive for such a negative disease, I am on it. Since 100% of the ticket price from the show goes to Columbus Cancer Clinic, being there is not only a donation, it is showing support for the ladies who will rock that runway like no other.

Oh what a wonderful month this will be- first the Columbus Key to the Cure, then two days later, Condom Couture. I can hardly stand it.

Come on out and join me in supporting both Karen and the fine work of the Columbus Cancer Clinic. It is the very heart of fashion for a cause, and we all know that fashion is a passion of mine, but now you can add fashion for a cause too.

Paved Paradise

2011-10-08T23:25:00.005-04:00

I love the original song, Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell. Of course I was only 2 years old in 1970 when it was released, but it is still a classic sing along song for driving. The Counting Crows had a top 40 hit with the same song in 2002, when I actually controlled what I listened to while driving in my own car. Both versions use the same lyrics with the famous line, "They paved paradise, and put up a parking lot."

Joni Mitchell said, "I wrote 'Big Yellow Taxi' on my first trip to Hawaii. I took a taxi to the hotel and when I woke up the next morning, I threw back the curtains and saw these beautiful green mountains in the distance. Then, I looked down and there was a parking lot as far as the eye could see, and it broke my heart... this blight on paradise. That's when I sat down and wrote the song." The song is known for its environmental concern (from the lyrics "They paved paradise to put up a parking lot", "Hey farmer, farmer, put away that DDT now") and sentimental sound. The line, "Took all the trees, put 'em in a tree museum/And charged the people a dollar and a half just to see 'em" refers to Foster Botanical Garden in downtown Honolulu, which is a living museum of tropical plants, some rare and endangered.

Typically, I schlep all the kids out to Lynd's pumpkin patch and we get back to nature while selecting four big orange gourds. It is a Autumn family tradition
that goes back years as seen here.

But this is my blog, and in my case, they paved paradise, put up a pumpkin patch, took all the gourds, put them in gourd museum, charged people five bucks just to take them."

This year, we are experiencing a new version of getting our seasonal pumpkins. With my current schedule gone caddy-wampus, I decided to give up the field trip to Lynd's. I drove to Giant Eagle Market District in lieu of the actual patch, and the kids picked a pumpkin on the edge of the parking lot. As they were debating on which pumpkin was "the best" I had the Big Yellow Taxi humming in my head. I doubt my version would mean anything to anyone but me. They paved paradise, and put up a pumpkin patch. How fitting. I stood there, snapping photos and realizing the sad irony of the situation.

I am not sure these little guys really gave a rats ass that we were not out in the country stomping on a hay path, wind in our hair, plethora of scrapbooking photos being snapped. At Giant Eagle the price was $5 a piece regardless of weight or size. Since my monkeys think bigger is better in almost all cases, this was an opportunity for them to get the most enormous pumpkin there. Times four.
These suckers were so big and heavy, I had to push them through the paved parking lot in a shopping cart.

There is something wrong with picking your pumpkin in a parking lot. So much for the allure of a suburban paradise. They paved paradise and put up a pumpkin patch. Joni Mitchell would have a field day with this- no pun intended.

Condom Corsages for Condom Couture

2011-10-07T07:54:00.002-04:00

Remember last year when I was on the planning committee for Condom Couture, the fashion show fundraiser for Planned Parenthood? My blog post featured the highlights from the event, but it did not give any of the behind the scenes information in advance, since I was relatively new to the event.

This year, I am all over it. This blog post is advance notice of the event and is posted with plenty of lead time, so you can be there if you want to celebrate a night of fashion, fun and health.

I have volunteered again, only this time I put my talent to good use by writing the questions for the judges and designers. I wanted the actual show to be more interesting so I decided to shake things up with the conversation on stage. I know this will help get the audience more involved during the runway portion. No one is nosier than me, so coming up with probing questions was a snap. I have faith that our emcee, Andrea Cambern will be able to get the dialogue going from the platform runway.

As for the condom corsages this year, yeah, I am making them. I saw an opportunity to raise additional funds for the organization, and since I am not financially able to be a mega donor, I can create a product that can be purchased at the show. At the event last year, the corsages were given to the board members and host committee, and they were the talk of the night. Everyone wanted one of the whimsical, arty, and slightly controversial flower pins.

We will be selling the beautiful condom corsages at check in this year. In order to make 60 corsages I needed plenty of colorful, unlubricated (a thought you probably did not have) condoms. Planned parenthood provided me the ginormous bag of party colored materials. (this is what 1500 condoms looks like)It was a topic of conversation when my parents arrived let me tell you. While nothing really shocks them anymore, I am sure seeing a hefty bag full of rubbers was not what on their radar screen when they showed up to visit the grandkids.

With my artistic side, I crafted the plethora of prophylactics into corsages. I strung glass beads onto jeweler wire, made a spiral with the beads, hot glued them to a condom to make the center of the flower and dried them on the kitchen table. I am sure that this makes me Martha Jewert on an edgy, politically less correct level. Wait, you mean all the other New Albany mommies don't make condom crafts at the kitchen table? Huh?

After creating the flower petals using rubber cement,I assembled the petals to the fancy beaded centers. I added a brooch pin to the reverse side of a silk floral leaf with more hot glue,
and put it all together to form the corsage. I am finalizing the finished product by adding a bit of felt for support and balance, so when the pin is fastened to a jacket or lapel, it won't flop over on itself. Floppy condoms, no matter how pretty and colorful should never be seen in public.

Taaaaa Dahhhhh! Here is my festive, finished product,ready for the Condom Couture clad committee, Planned Parenthood board members and fashion show attendees. Most concession stands sell popcorn and overpriced candy, but not Condom Couture- oh, no- we rock the house with bedazzled floral corsages.

This is my PSA for the event- we are in final countdown mode until the show. If you are local and want to see some amazing dresses crafted from condoms, support an organization that offers reproductive education and prevention of sexually transmitted disease, click here to buy your tickets. I promise you will be entertained.

Condom Couture, the perfect combination of fashion for a cause. Because we all need a reason to go out, do good, get dressed up and have fun.

Gluten Free Tortilla Soup in the Crock Pot

2011-10-06T20:15:00.000-04:00

This is a recipe that is a modified version of white chicken chili. I use shredded chicken breast that is leftover from crock pot salsa chicken- but you can substitute fresh or frozen chicken pieces instead.

I do love a set it and forget it recipe and this one is simple. Add all the ingredients to the crock pot, cook it on low all day, and then add some toppings to the bowl for a serving garnish. Easy peasy.

My crock pot is gigantic, and I am feeding nine people every night, so you may need to adjust the quantity for your family.

Ingredients:

2 Quarts GF Chicken Stock or Broth
1 Lg Can Tomato Sauce
1 cup salsa
1 red onion cut into pieces
3 cans white beans, drained
3 cloves garlic minced
2 sml cans diced green chiles
shredded chicken breasts
salt pepper to taste

Add it all into the crock pot that has the leftover salsa chicken,

then stir to combine. Cook on low all day, and serve hot with the following options for garnish.

Garnish:
Tortilla chips
sour cream
died fresh avocado
shredded cheese
lime wedges
fresh cilantro leaves

I got home from work and totally forgot to photograph the finished product. My kids devoured this soup with Tostitos scoop chips instead of a spoon. The novelty of the spoonless soup keeps them interested. Of course they dressed their soup with all the toppings and were heavy handed with the cheese and sour cream because it helps to cool it down faster.

After a long day at work, I highly suggest pairing this soup with a very cold, frozen margarita with fresh lime juice. Because you can.

Finally Fall

2011-10-05T20:02:00.006-04:00

It is finally Fall here in Central Ohio. The leaves are turning and the night air is getting cooler. This makes for great bike riding adventures.

We spent an hour at the park after school today. Nana got her last bit of the kids before she left to go home. We schlepped the bikes to the riding trails and let the kids release any and all energy they had left.

They barely slowed down enough to pose for some photos. Natalie was burning up the road now that she is an experienced two wheeler.

We came home to salsa chicken in the crock pot, do it yourself tacos and nachos, and exhausted, kids. The days are getting shorter, so we have to cram all of our activities into the daylight hours. This is more and more complicated when I am at work full time. Thankfully, I am batch cooking and crock potting almost every day, which saves me an hour daylight time doing the cooking.

I plan to recycle the leftover chicken from tonight into tortilla soup. It is planning ahead like this that is keeping the kids well fed, and keeping me somewhat sane.

Stay tuned for tortilla soup Thursday tomorrow, until then- I am sleeping with the windows open, ahhhhhhh yes- it is finally fall.

Marriage Talk

2011-10-04T21:47:00.003-04:00

There has been lots of discussion on marriage lately. Eli has been especially curious about all things relationship related. This is a kid that pays attention to everything and retains information, even when it is said off the cuff by is sarcastic father.

Since we just celebrated our wedding anniversary. Eli is totally in tune with the idea of being married. He has been looking at photos from our ceremony, and yammering on and on about "when he gets married"- so far, it has been a mild curiosity with him. It is sweet and childish, and someday his naivety will be gone, so for now, I am enjoying his dialogue.

Apparently, Becca, one of Eli's friends from preschool has been having talks with Eli on the playground recently. They consider each other to be "double friends" which is similar to BFF's but instead, between a boy and a girl. Ever since Becca kissed him at recess a few weeks ago, Eli has been smitten. Natalie mentioned that Eli and Becca were getting married in Hawaii, but that was news to me. The mother is always the last to know.

Some of my finest Mommie moments are when I just turn on the video camera and give the kids a topic. I had no idea where the conversation would end up, when I started filming Eli today. I had a hunch the topic of marriage would be blog worthy, I just did not fathom the magnitude.

Here is the video that led to some pretty deep thinking for this blogging Mommie.

This kid does not miss a beat. He processes EVERYTHING, including the brief comment from Jeff after watching a news story about gay marriage in San Francisco and the legalization of gay marriage in New York earlier this year. As you can tell from this video, we are open with our kids about the options available to them with regard to sexual orientation.

Both Jeff and I have not put gender bias into our parenting style- partially because we have a mixed gender set of multiples and partially because we have friends who have struggled with their Gay or Lesbian identity. Regardless of our personal choices, we put the minds of our kids first.

Keep in mind, I grew up in Kansas. I have vivid memories of seeing members of Fred Phelps and the Westboro Church picketing events in Kansas City. This was more than 25years ago, and I still can picture the innocent little kids holding up signs that were disturbing on so many levels. (God hates fags. Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve) Sadly, I can still see that hatred, word for word in my mind after all this time- how many signs can I recall verbatim after 25 years? Clearly, that is how much of an impact it had. I knew right then, that when I had my own kids, I would be open and honest about homosexuality and bigotry.

From the very beginning, we have offered CJ & Eli doll-like toys that would be considered "girlish" and we have encouraged Charlotte and Natalie to play with trucks and super heroes which are stereotypically designed for boys. That whole stereotypical thing is just not in our vocabulary over here. As if you needed clarification on that, since my boys have been dressed in pink shirts since birth?

Perhaps the willingness to let kids be kids is a benefit in letting them learn for themselves about their wants, desires, needs and future relationships. For now, we are just giving our young minds information- what they do with it from here is their choice.

This blog post has been brought to you by my conscience.

The Joy of Parenting

2011-10-03T20:15:00.003-04:00

Of all the tedious tasks related to parenting, assembling toys is by far the worst. While there is nothing sweeter than seeing a child's face as they open a birthday gift, that happiness is quickly overshadowed by the parental responsibility of putting that shit together. The excitement of the shiny, new in the box present mean one thing to the kids, and another to the adults in charge: ASSEMBLY REQUIRED.

The concept of putting together crap from China starts before your baby is even born. Welcome to F.U. parenting 100, an entry level, beginners guide to becoming a mom and dad. For newbies, this journey through Hell begins with cribs, high chairs, strollers and changing tables. The depths of this course accelerate as the child grows, and needs additional gear.

At around age two, the adults enter parenting 101 at F.U., a more advanced course. Now, the stakes are higher because you are assembling bigger plastic structures with more parts, fewer instructions and a curious toddler assistant. Remember the infamous and oh so adorable,Rose Petal Cottage? My dad and Jeff still have nightmares about that- four years later. Shudder.

As the monkeys get even older, the F.U. graduate level course, Parenting 110 is mastered. As the children get more advanced in creative play, the entertainment of the age appropriate toys contain electrical parts, moving pieces, sounds and even fewer instructions for the construction of the toy. Batteries are obscured by tiny screws and directions are in a foreign language. It is as if the Chinese factories do this on purpose- I picture an engineer in China saying, "Good luck suckers, I left out two key steps and threw in some extra parts just to mess with your head!"

As much as the boys were thrilled to receive thisrace track toy, there was a moment of panic on Jeff's face when he saw it. Assembly required. Oh shit, this is going to hurt. And it did. Jeff would not even attempt it by himself.

Cue the nightmares and flashbacks again. Fortunately, Jeff had extra men here to offer words of,(cough, cough, cough) "encouragement." Papa absolutely refused to get involved and then ended up caving into give his two cents of advice.

We had to call in additional, experienced workers for the task. Thankfully, our friend Rich

was here to help. Rich has a masters degree from F.U. and a doctorate in parenting. After two hours, two glasses of wine and a few too many swear words, the job was complete. Rich would have given me the finger, but he knew it would end up on the blog, so he curbed his enthusiasm so to speak.

Of course Pennylane was there to supervise,
and provide managerial oversight from a Jack Russell perspective. Nothing gets passed her without approval.

Once the kids were able to, literally test drive this toy,

it was all hunky dory. They played with this contraption until it was past bedtime.

Perhaps, when I am preparing for my Masters Degree from F.U., I will watch this video and listen to the sounds of pure happiness in the voices of these kids.

Ahhhhhh yes, all the hassles and frustration are worth it. Truthfully, this is true parenting joy. Watching your children having a blast makes all the snide bitching, moaning and complaining subside.

Because in the grand scheme of things, all sarcasm aside, this is really the joy of parenting.

My FOUR six year olds

2011-10-02T21:52:00.005-04:00

Anyone who has read this blog for more than five minutes knows that I have four triplets. Charlotte is the fourth triplet. Today, as Eli, CJ and Natalie turn six, we celebrated their joint birthday.

Today, their father became the fourth six year old in our family.

We hosted a lunch and make your own fro yo sundae party

at Menchies in Dublin. I provided lunch and activities for the guests. The kids crafted and ate while my husband acted like a child. Jeff was the most difficult child there. I spent half of my time micro managing him, disciplining him and un-doing his attempts at being funny.

Funny = Annoying.

All of the actual children behaved like solid citizens.

They colored on the adorable Menchie's logo tee shirts

which they got to take home, they sat nicely, they created amazing sundaes without incident. My husband, ummmm yeah, not so much.

I was expecting that some of the guests would ask about a birthday cake, or two, or three. We opted for the custom made, do it yourself sundaes

in lieu of cake and I don't think any of the kids even noticed. Papa loaded his with plenty of candies and other crap too, because he is as much of a child as his son in law.

Everyone truly enjoyed themselves.

I made sure to get a group photo of the friends and family that were able to be at the party.We missed our KC cousins, and some of the kindergarten classmates who were out of town. Regarding the 12 clueless parents that did not even respond- your kids missed a very fun, very festive and very happy birthday party and you are still rude.

As for Charlotte, she is still the fourth triplet- only now, when people ask me how many kids I have, I will have to clarify that I have three six year olds, a four year old and a husband that acts like a child.

I will post again about the triplet birthday when I have had a chance to settle down and digest the milestone. For now, I will leave it at this:
Happy Birthday Eli, CJ and Natalie- the original Slutsky triplets.

PS- you know your husband was a royal pain in the ass when you get a text the following morning: "Just wanted to check to make sure you are okay, you seemed really stressed at the party, btw, my kids had a great time."

Mah Jong Mavens

2011-10-01T20:39:00.004-04:00

Every family has their own traditions. We are Jewish- in addition to the obvious religious celebrations, we have some cultural traditions that are passed on from generation to generation.

Much like eating Chinese food on Christmas Eve, seeing a movie on Christmas day, and never ordering a sandwich on white bread with mayo, we adhere to our traditions as a family. Jewish women play mah jong. It is what we do.

My children have been learning all about the mah jong tiles by playing the on line card game of mah jong. While this version is anything but traditional, it has taught them to identify the suits, tiles and runs associated with playing the real game. I thought it would be fun for Nana to bring her mah jong game on this visit to Columbus.

I thought teaching the kids to play with tiles, racks and cards would be a good time.

I thought wrong.

As it turns out, my mah jong mavens do not have the attention span to follow the instructions. They do not have the patience to just sit and strategically develop the hands.

Yes, they could call the tiles by the correct names, but that alone was not enough to call it a game.

In theory, playing mah jong with the kids was a brilliant idea.

In reality, it was pure torture. I would have preferred to have a root canal without any sedation.

Maybe next year we can try again. Maybe next year I will refill my valium, chase it with a shot of vodka and make that a part of the mah jong family tradition.

In am a glass half full girl. I considered making the title of this post Mah Jong FAIL. I went the positive route and used mavens- but since the glass is half full, I am going to drink it, and call it a day.

My Miss Manners Soap Box

2011-09-30T20:35:00.001-04:00

Ritzy Helene here, right on top of my soap box. I am disgusted by the lack of public decency and manners. Common courtesy is lost and no one is polite anymore. I am not being a snob, I am just sick of the rudeness.

Of course this post stems from the upcoming triplet-palooza birthday party. I sent e-vite invitations this year. I did it this way so responding would be simpler for the parents of the guests. Typically, I am an old fashioned hostess that mails a paper card stock invitation to such events. This time, I caved and went the on line route.

Regardless of the method of delivery, responding to an invitation is a given. The definition of RSVP is obvious- RSVP is an abbreviation often included in invitations to request that the invitee let the host know if he or she will be attending. From the French term, "Répondez si'l vous plaît," which means "please reply." I am considering changing the meaning to RUDE SUCKERS VILE PEOPLE in my mind.

If you are lucky enough to be included on the guest list to any event, it is your responsibility to let the host know if you can or can't be there. The request for a reply is not asking too much, or is it?

Here we are, just two days away from the birthday party and 12 parents have not acknowledged the invitation at all. I know they opened it, but they have not found the time to simply click a button that says yes or no. This is infuriating. I have to confirm our count at the party venue, pay for the total number of children attending, and I need to make the lunch and goodie bags for the children- all of which is contingent on how many will be there. As if I want to pay for shit that will go unused? No thanks.

I am teaching my children to be solid citizens. In doing so, it is my job to lead by example. Instead of ragging on the folks who did not reply, I took the high road and said nothing about it in front of my impressionable soon to be six year olds. I made enough lunch and treat bags for the possibility that we might get some additional party goers and left it at that.

Miss Manners be damned, I am on my soap box. Rude suckers, vile people I am telling you.

If I ever invite any of you to a party and the words RSVP appear on the invitation, you better respond dammit.

Rosh Hashana is the new Thanksgiving

2011-09-28T20:59:00.000-04:00

Jeff and I noticed a disturbing trend in the retail marketplace. As we strolled through Fashion Show mall for lunch yesterday, it seemed as if most stores were already decorated for and displaying Christmas merchandise.

Apparently, Rosh Hashana is the new Thanksgiving.

The push for Christmas shopping keeps getting earlier and earlier each year. This is the first time I have seen the full on Christmas hoopla in September. Good lord, it is not even the month of Halloween yet.

While I do not celebrate Christmas personally, I do embrace the idea of holiday gift giving and shopping. As a person who depends on the retail dollar for a paycheck, I understand the motive, I just don't agree with the timing.

To me, the holiday season kicks off on the day after Thanksgiving. Since Rosh Hashana is literally translated as Head of the year, maybe we should change the translation to say, Head to the mall.

Let the shopping begin- Happy New Year.

Las Vegas Shopping for Sport and Support

2011-09-26T22:25:00.007-04:00

Las Vegas and retail therapy go together. Of course, I had to find something to do besides gambling and spending copious amounts of quality time with my husband.

As if you had to twist my arm to do some serious shopping anywhere? But in Las Vegas there is so much to chose from, how could I not do some "research" on the latest styles and couture fashion. What happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas unless it hangs in your closet.

Before I could meet up with Misti and Michele, I had to stock our hotel room with plenty of diet coke for Jeff. G-d forbid he even wiggle one of the 6 ounce glass bottles in the mini bar. It would KILL me to pay $3.50 for a measly short bottle of that crap. Instead, I drove over to the scary CVS by the Hard Rock, and bought him a few 2 liter bottles before I left him to his own devices at the hotel.

Since product placement is key to retail sales, I was chuckling to myself when I passed this display. In Las Vegas, the condoms are not housed in the family planning aisle of CVS, instead, they are right where they belong-in the liquor department. It seems fitting that in sin city you buy a box of wine and a box of rubbers in the same area of the store.

I could not wait to meet up with Misti and Michele at the Saks store inside Fashion Show Mall. I had to share my CVS product placement story with them because as locals, I felt they needed to see what I saw. I arrived at Saks at our scheduled time only to discover the store did not open for another 30 minutes. I scrambled to make arrangements for us to enter the store prior to the stated time, making Michele and Misti feel extra special.

When I accepted the job at Saks, I signed a confidentiality agreement. I vowed not to use social media to discuss my clients, our merchandise, the sales, and the general happenings associated with the department. Keeping true to my word, I won't go into all the juicy details of our Saks shopping, but I will say, we had a blast, not as a personal shopper and her clients, but as three friends, enjoying the experience.

While at doing additional "research" at Nordstrom, I paid homage to my dear friend Beverly Feldman. Her sexy shoes and boots were on display. This was excellent product placement by the way. If only they had my size, I would have snagged a pair - just to support my friend, of course. I am so caring and kind like that. The selfless things I do to support my friends.

After we left Fashion Show Mall, I forced Michele to replace her tired, sorry-assed, ill-fitting bra. Her "girls" needed more support and as a friend, I had to offer to help. I could not stand to see her missing out on the opportunity to look her best. Even at at PTA meeting, your boobies should be properly cradled in a bra that supports and enhances your bust line. Shopping for bras in Las Vegas was easy- there is a lingerie shop in every "strip" center, no pun intended. Misti and put just enough peer pressure on our pal to push her intoa push up, underwire, lightly lined undergarment. What are friends for?

I never worked out at the fitness center or gym inside the Palazzo. Instead, I got my cardio doing laps around the various shopping centers. While wearing a spanx tank top under my clothing for support, I cruised through the various boutiques. Chanel. Gucci. Dolce & Gabanna. La Perla. Four more, three more, two more, and breathe.

My strenuous exercise regimen continued the following day by myself. While my (triplet mom) partners in crime had carpools and school lunches to pack, I went to the outlet mall in Primm, Nevada for a mega work-out. Forget laps, I just raced around carrying 3 pound shopping bag weights from the Cole Haan clearance center. I determined that bags of shoes make ideal hand weights. Those Nike Air shoes are worth the ten cents on the dollar I paid, as you can imagine, when you are on your feet all day, having fun, supporting your friends and entertaining your clients while appearing to be a credible fashionista.

When it comes to shopping in Las Vegas, you will find my winnings, neatly displayed in my closet at home. Yes indeed, it was a weekend of shopping for sport and support. Viva Las Vegas my friends.

Nothing Says

2011-09-25T22:23:00.001-04:00

Among other topics of importance this week, Jeff and I just celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary on the 20th. Six months ago, when I noticed that Jeff had a booking to keynote in Las Vegas on September 26, I made myself available to tag along.

We decided to take the weekend to reconnect as a couple, without the kids. I must say, this is key to the success of our marriage. Our day to day operations can get stressful and overwhelming, but knowing that we are getting away is a nice goal to help us deal with the chaos. I have been in countdown mode for a while, but because I do not post in the future tense, I was unable to mention it, until now.

I have been looking forward to this for weeks. Nothing says I can get through this day, week, month like a scheduled break!

When I accepted the new job I made sure that my Vegas anniversary celebration would not cause a scheduling conflict. I redeemed a Southwest Airlines voucher from my last trip to LV and since we used some invited guest passes for hotel rooms, this became an anniversary vacay that did not cost us any real out of pocket money. This was our gift to each other. Nothing says I am still in love with you like going away together.

The ninth anniversary did not come and go without some surprises. Our dishwasher decided to shoot craps just as we were getting ready to leave for Las Vegas. I thought I would be the one shooting craps, but instead, I had to double down my first three paychecks and buy a new Bosch. Jeff researched the models, features and price points to find us a deal. He ended up buying a model that was introduced last year, but had a better rating with consumer reports that the newer version. Thankfully, as part of my anniversary present package, Jeff found one that did not have the original box, was moderately scratched on the side that goes into the wall, and could be delivered and installed the next day. He even got all romantic and purchased the 5 year parts and labor warranty because he is that sexy. Nothing says I love you like a cleaning appliance that lasts 5 years.

While at TJMaxx this week, I treated myself to a $14.99 cubic zirconia necklace. I had it gift boxed with ribbon and gave it to Jeff to give to me. This is how I roll. If I see something I want, I buy it, and make my husband the hero. He is glad that I make it this easy. Nothing says I will treasure your gift like buying yourself.

When I officially announced my role at Saks a few weeks ago, Misti left a comment on my blog post. She wished I lived in Las Vegas so I could style her for an upcoming high school reunion. Little did she know that a few weeks later, I would be coming into town. I orchestrated a little personal shopping adventure for her with Michele S, our mutual partner in crime. As much as I was anxious to get to Las Vegas for the luxury hotel room, quiet time with Jeff and the people watching, I was totally psyched to meet Misti and help her with the reunion project. Nothing can guarantee hysterical laughter like hanging out with two other, crazy triplet moms.

I also took it upon myself to make a dinner reservation for two at Postrio. While the menu has changed over the years, the restaurant still has sentimental value to Jeff and me. Whenever we are in Las Vegas, Jeff and I relive our very first date by dining there. We recall how we both knew it was beshert that night. While we both remember our date, we were so consumed with getting to know each other that neither one of us can recall what we ate that night. For foodies like us, this is unheard of- this just affirms my faith that it was truly a spectacular date- I can’t even recall my meal. Nothing says great date like forgetting about food.

The computer system at Postrio has us flagged in the system and every time we go back, they help "WOW" us on our special evening there. This time, there was a surprise dessert made especially for us. Nothing says congratulations on your marriage like mascarpone cheesecake with bittersweet chocolate and port wine infused figs.

Between the beautiful suite at the Palazzo, the triplet mom bonding, and the shopping, this was an anniversary to remember.

Nothing means happy anniversary like a new dishwasher, a sparkling pendant, a shopping adventure with friends, a romantic dinner date and a weekend without kids- in a posh hotel. While nothing else can show it, I can actually state it here: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY JEFF, I love you.

Library Lounge Lizards

2011-09-24T19:49:00.000-04:00

I took the kids to the local library to leisurely look at books. These kids love to just hang out in the reading lounge. They have become library lounge lizards.

Each child, independently selected a different Eric Carle story. I noticed that all four of them specifically sought out the author on their own. They went to the "C" authors, saw the books available and picked one to read.
They were lolly gagging in the lounge just being lazy.

Charlotte got comfortable on the couch. She crossed her legs, sat like a true lounge lizard and read her book out loud. I offered to video tape her so Nana and Papa could see her reading. Charlotte agreed and then said, when we get home, you can put it on your blog and let them watch me. So, without further delay:

This girl is a natural born actress and ham. Don't you love the end, "Don't even think about it."

After we finished reading we stayed and enjoyed story time. As I was chatting with another New Albany Mommie, she said, "Turn around very quietly and look at your kids on the story rug." As I caught a glimpse of them from behind I saw the tender sibling moment for myself. I grabbed my i-phone and captured the image of sweetness. For some reason the four triplets were being especially loving and affectionate during the story.
Just when I thought they could not be nicer to each other, CJ rested his hand on Eli's shoulder. Who are these kids and how long will they be in my presence?

Based on the behavior exhibited at the library today, I was thinking it might be time to play the lottery or head to Las Vegas. I was feeling lucky- my library lounge lizards were lovely.

Catching Up and Honing In

2011-09-23T21:53:00.009-04:00

The title of this post is intentional. There is a play on words because as I am retroactively getting caught up on the blog posts. I am also, catching up on just about everything else. Since I started working full time, I have to re prioritize many tasks.

I could blow smoke up your ass and give you a list of 177 reasons why I am not current on the posts, but I will not bore you to tears. If I had the time to blog more religiously, I would. If I tweeted every five minutes, had a facebook moderator, and a following of haters, perhaps I would place a higher value on this blog- but I don’t. THANK GAWD I am not a “public figure.”

Where I have been slacking, my sweet Natalie however, is doing her own catching up. She has already lost a second tooth, catching her up to Eli in that department.
You could not wipe the smile off of her face. As she posed for these photos, Eli and CJ were trying to hone in on her glory. Since I am one to keep it real, this is what it is like to raise multiples- they get in each others space, hog the limelight and fight for face time. The camera is a digital device that brings out the goon in my kids. Nice.

CJ got his new glasses and now he too is catching up on the compliments. He loves wearing glasses and these are the specs I ordered from Best Price Glasses- not bad at all. CJ now now has two very different options for accessorizing with eye wear.
Again, you will see other children trying to be recognized and acknowledged in the images I was taking of CJ. Excellent.

Not to be left out from tooth fairy mania and eye-glass-o-rama, Charlotte created her own photo worthy moment. She has perfected the twirly dress spin. This girl was sure to get some wind up under that layered skirting

and as I snapped the photos, she demanded that I show them to her on the LCD screen. Apparently, she did not trust that I was capturing the volume in the spin. I could not keep up with her ability to twirl, twirl, twirl.

This week, the daily blog update and Helene report is delayed because my real life gig as a personal shopper, tooth fairy, chef, bus driver, action photographer, and blogger are causing me to fall behind. It is a good thing I am able to retroactively get caught up. I can hone in on it.

Stay tuned for post-a-palooza.

No Time for FAKERS

2011-09-22T07:52:00.002-04:00

I do love me some mama drama. I admit to watching my fair share of Mommie Porn, also known as the Bravo Series, The Real Housewives. When it comes to a lifestyle of pure fantasy, editing and lies- there is nothing more entertaining than female fakers- either on televison, or on line.

I can thank Michele S. for enlightening me on this McK-Mom drama. I never knew the original site that spun a web of deceit and lies as if they were the truth. The followers of the McK, worship the author and are completely clueless to her ways. (While I am sure you are wondering why I am not linking you to the actual scene of the crime, the answer is simple. I will not support someone who is a pathological spinstress and profits from hits and page downloads.) If you want to see for yourself, be forewarned- it is addictive and can cause sudden increases in your blood pressure. I am not pretending to be a doctor, I am just keeping it real.

The McKin blog is/was a cash cow. The drama mama made money from all the clicks and sponsorships, pimped out her child's illness for ratings, and essentially used her readers for nothing more than financial gain. Her outright lies about foreclosures, tax liens, and domestic violence are deplorable.

Sadly, it is the 5 menu items she calls children, in the frozen tundra of Minnesota, who are suffering with a lack of true parenting and a stable environment. I just can't stand the fact that so many loyal and naive readers take what she says for face value, and are blinded by the all mighty platform she has created about her unreal, untrue lifestyle. Her followers and supporters make me want to give them a virtual slap, right from the monitor screen. SMACK!

Interestingly enough, there is a link to share. This is the site where I have followed the blog in question, without giving a precious $$$ click. This site is devoted to telling the truth and outing the discrepancies told by the former queen of BlogHer. I have found it more fascinating to read the site that mocks the original blog, than the original blog itself. Weird, I know, I know. Trust me, this is more reality than reality television will ever be.

You all know how bringing fakers to the light of day is the new and improved XXX Mommie Porn. Bye Bye soap operas, see ya later facebook, and move over RH on Bravo, there is a new way to entertain women and it is the mother load of drama- literally!

Can you imagine a site that is devoted to "hating on" and naysaying a single blogger gets more traffic that the initial blogger? My fellow friends who have pity, or are without pity- depending on who you ask, were at one time or another, duped and now they are mad as hell.

The McLiar is giving other mama bloggers a bad name. After all this faking and lying, I find myself questioning my own choices and blog material. I have learned a lot, I mean a lot, a lot from my fellow friends in this community of naysayers. My eyes are open wide.

How sad is it to start a blog, become so consumed with image and appearances that you lose sight of what is really important: your children and their well being. It must be exhausting to trump up a life that is purely fiction. With my actual crazy train, there is no need to embellish, I have enough blog material without really trying.

I admit to being fake. I have fake nails, fake hair, fake diamond stud earrings, fake quadruplets and on some occasions, a fake (sarcastic) smile. But there is one thing I do not fake, and that is the love and affection I have for my four triplets.

Now that I am working full time to help pay our bills, I will not have time for other mama drama. I have enough of my own. Any free moments in my day will be spent with my kids. As much as I have been amused by the fictional frenzy, it is time to step away, it is time to step up to my own responsibilities, like caring for my family- both financially, and emotionally. I will continue with this blog, as it serves as a half-assed substitute for not scrapbooking, but I am leaving the others behind.

I got no time for fakers.

Inspired By Missoni

2011-09-21T19:09:00.010-04:00

Remember last week when I ordered a few new pieces of "career" clothing from the Missoni collection for Target? Well, the wait to see it is over. My package arrived today, and I was chomping at the bit to see it in person.

Of course, it is bedlam when I first walk in the door from work. All four kids compete for my undivided attention, each talking louder than the next. The first five minutes are uncontrolled chaos. After loving on the kids, hearing about school and petting two Jack Russells, I want to check the mail, start dinner, and do a million things. So long as I take a few minutes to greet the kids and give them one on one time, they will leave me alone long enough to get some stuff done.

Normally, I would start dinner and then go through the mail. Much like a Passover Seder, tonight was different from all other nights. I literally put dinner on the back burner (turkey burgers and baked potato wedges) so I could tear open the Tyvek envelopes from Target. The kids could sense my excitement and I let them help.

After releasing the clothes from the plastic over wrap, unfolding the knits, and sitting down, I was able to see what all the hype was about. The made in China Missoni for Target was pretty damn nice. Compared to my REAL Mi$$oni from the good old, disposable cash, single without children days it was a nice substitute for the genuine article. Truth be told, the Target Missoni was lovely, if you only have forty bucks to spend. And let me remind you, I barely had the forty bucks to spend.

So....What will it be, a year of kindergarten tuition, or the legit, Made in Italy Mi$$oni? Ughhhhhh, Right. Hello Target. Welcome to Made in China Missoni. This is how I roll now.

As much as I wanted to fawn all over the knits and examine them thread by thread, I had dinner to make and kids to entertain. Normally, in this exact situation, I would allow the munchkins to watch Phineas & Ferb, lest I have to break up fights, ration toys and deal with whining about how much longer it would be before dinner is ready. Tonight, I did not have this luxury. We were no go for tv viewing tonight- of all nights.

This morning, Jeff scheduled a carpet cleaner to come and sanitize our stairs, play room and basement floor coverings. Since he did this on trade, through the barter club, I did not get involved. I let my husband handle the whole thing. I did not micro manage the job. Instead, I went to work and looked forward to coming home to fresh and clean carpets.

SHOCKER! The so-called professional that agreed to clean on trade dollars, left me with soaking wet stairs and carpeting. Sure, it is ungodly humid, but I seriously doubt it is supposed to be this squishy hours later. There is a reason he was working on barter and had availability on short notice. The reason is most likely that he sucked. Or in this case, did not suck up the water after he cleaned. FAIL.

There was no way I could pop the kids in front of Phineas & Ferb- not on that carpeting. I know my monkeys, and they would have been skating, stomping, splashing and reeking havoc on that wet mess. Obviously, I had to plan B it.

I told the kids a short, but sweet story about the House of Missoni. Cue my annoying, higher pitched, teaching voice, "See these beautiful clothes, they are made by the licensed brand called Missoni. It is a family run business from Italy. The Missoni family has been making these colorful woven knits (demonstrating using the dress) since 1953, the designs are collected because they are wearable art, blah blah blah." With my sticky sweet spin on the merchandise, even my kids were pumped up about my new sweaters and dress. Couture is contagious, even the wanna be kind from Target.

I struck while the iron was hot. I made my move. With spiral notebooks full of paper, and 600 broken, stubby crayons, I put the garments

on the kitchen table. I encouraged them to touch the fabric and feel the way the threads are woven into the bold, graphic stripes. I asked my proteges to study the patterns. I suggested they draw a similar design using lots of color. This engaged them, kept them relatively busy and quiet, and bought me some time to finish dinner, sans the robotic babysitter known as television.

Did I miss that whiny bitch, Candace as the kids were constructing faux knit fabric? Did I long for the sound of Phineas & Ferb acting like complete goons in the next room? No. No I did not. At all.

Instead, I listened as the Missoni inspired four and five year olds crafted. I heard them discussing Italy. I was impressed with their vast knowledge of very specific colors.

It was music to my ears. My fashionista and couture clad ways were validated. My pride was hard to contain.

So while the Target version Missoni clothes may not be collectible, high quality, one of kind pieces of wearable art- they do inspire curious minds. My kids and I are officially inspired by Missoni.

The Way They See It

2011-09-20T08:05:00.006-04:00

I am always amazed at the art and drawings that come from children. You can learn a lot about a child by taking a closer look at their creative process. This is why, no matter how late I get home, no matter how tired I am, no matter how much I just want to flop on the couch with a cocktail, I always go through the backpacks to see what happened at school.

It cracks me up at how perceptive and visual four and five year old kids truly can be- no one can teach a child to see the details, they just do it. For example, this week when Natalie was the star student, her classmates listened to her answers to some simple questions, then they drew a picture to reflect what they learned about Natalie.

Here is the questionnaire that Natalie answered.See, I would never have known that baked potatoes were her favorite. I would have guessed about 100 other foods before I would have pegged her for the baked potato. It is a good thing I went through the backpack, and paid attention, right?

Take a peek at how her fellow kindergarten class translated what they heard into a crayon drawing. Not only did they feature a bike, but they almost all gave Natalie wild, brown hair

and some sort of pink/green outfit. It is a fact that this girl is typically dressed in a combo of pink and green, yet on the day they colored these pages, she was actually wearing red. They know her as pink and green, so they drew her according to how she looks to them. The way they see it....Interesting!

Equally as amusing, but somewhat more puzzling, was the lump of shit next to Natalie or her bike. If I had not read the questions and answers, and if I relied solely on the drawings for the facts, I would have wondered, why each classmate drew a big old pile of crap next to Natalie or her bike? Oh, yes, that delicious baked potato. Good thing I read and retained the details, or not. Even I learned something new. Ahhhhhh, baked potato, gotcha. I guess they way I saw it was different.

Charlotte brought home a couple of cards she made. She is really into making greeting cards by folding a paper in half, and coloring both the outside and an inside message. Is it any wonder her mother worked for a division of Hallmark for five years? Coincidence? Perhaps.

Here are two of the Charlotte cards I found in her tote bag.Both cards depict Pennylane in grass, both showcase Penny's obvious spots and both are made with a letter stamper.She sounded it out. Charlotte wrote Pennyla as the title, which is impressive for a four year old. I love all the details with a sunny sky, wagging tail, and of course, showing the ants and worms in the soil. This card maker has a lot to say. It was made from the heart, the way Charlotte sees it.

All of this proves my point about these kids. If you take the time and pay attention to every aspect of their world, they show you the way they see it. With that mantra, it is time for me to introduce more color into my wardrobe. Kids tell the truth in their artwork. I asked Eli to draw a picture of me. He agreed, smiled and then said, "Now where is my black crayon?"

Natalie Has Joined The Club

2011-09-19T07:49:00.001-04:00

It happened. It finally happened. Natalie lost her first tooth. Her last place streak has come to an end, and the tooth fairy is on her way over to our house.

Natalie kept wiggling that bottom tooth for weeks. Last night, it was so loose that it was practically just hanging in her mouth. I asked her if I could wiggle it a bit and by a bit, I meant, can I snatch that thing out from your gums? Instead, I just said, "I don't think it is ever going to come out." To which Natalie had to show me how loose it was, and when she demonstrated it, that sucker came clean out and shot across the room. We were all shocked.

Finally. Finally, she has lost a tooth.

She can join her brothers in the exclusive, ever popular, highly coveted, tooth fairy club.

As for Charlotte, she could really care less. She keeps telling the triplets that she is the baby, and she is keeping her baby teeth forever because she likes being the youngest. She doesn't care about the tooth fairy club because she started a new club, the Baby Tooth Club where you can only be a member if you still have all of your baby teeth. The fourth triplet knows how to work the crowd. She is so friggin smart.

I am sure the tooth fairy will be generous with Natalie. Would it be wrong to get a DSW or Saks Fifth Avenue gift card for losing your first tooth? The prize remains to be seen, but will most likely be a gift card- so stay tuned for all the juicy details. In the mean time, Natalie is now destined to be, a (gift)card carrying member of the tooth fairy club.

Uncle Silvan's Birthday Celebration

2011-09-18T19:59:00.009-04:00

Today, Uncle Silvan celebrated his birthday with us. This meant that the kids were over-stimulated, wild, crazy and so happy to share this amazing day. Birthdays are always a slam dunk around here.

The kids took turns snuggling with Uncle Silvan. They watched Phineas and Ferb
under a blanket before a reasonable hour on this Sunday. You have no idea how much I loathe Phineas, Ferb and that whiny ass bitch, Candace. Knowing that Silvan had things under control allowed me the opportunity to sleep for an extra 45 minutes. I totally owed him one, and by one, I meant a home cooked meal.

I broke out some packing bubbles. I rescued these from the trash at my office, brought them home and allowed the kids to pop them in the driveway. This good old fashioned hilariousness. Look at how much fun it is

to destroy packing materials with your feet. Lucy and Ethel may have stomped on grapes for a good time, but my kids, are all about the noisy, Ka-Pow, of sheets of BUBBLES. This provided serious entertainment and good exercise.

We spent a good portion of the day outdoors. While Natalie continued to ride her bike, CJ made all kinds of contraptions, Eli chased Charlotte and I made Uncle Silvan a birthday cake. When you are four or five years old, it is not really your birthday unless you have a cake with candles.

I cranked out one of the multi layer yellow cakes, filled with chocolate ganache and iced in milk chocolate butter cream. I decorated it with whipped cream and fresh raspberries for a festive,

non food dye version of a birthday torte. Watching Phineas & Ferb episodes earned Uncle Silvan this deluxe dessert.

We sang Happy Birthday, Silvan and CJ blew out the two candles

and it was considered a real live birthday party. Cake and candles are legit. This cake was so incredibly delicious, Natalie had to literally, lick the paper plate clean.

FYI- if I make you this cake, I like you. Clearly, I like Uncle Silvan- with or without the famous 1970's porn star moustache. After all, it was his birthday, so I had to give him a break. I will be back to hocking and draying him later in the week. Until then, it is just another day of fun here at the Slutskys.

Two Out of Three Ain't Bad

2011-09-17T19:19:00.000-04:00

Every right of passage, every milestone, every childhood occurrence is a race when you are part of a set. There is a genuine competition with same age multiples, and when it comes to my three, it is game on!

CJ was the first to lose teeth. Eli rode a two wheeler first. Natalie is beside herself that she has had a wiggly bottom tooth for weeks, and it is still not out. Never one to be left behind, Natalie taught herself to ride a bike this weekend.

She spent time just getting the hang of it, and after a few tumbles, she mastered the whole two wheel balance thing. You will notice that at various stages in her bike riding, she is not once wearing her helmet.

She can't stand the helmet. I am not sure how to enforce the helmet aside from no helmet, no riding. Period. That should go over like a lead balloon.

The game is in full swing over here. We have non-training wheel, bike riders. We have kids getting adult teeth. We have two out of three doing a combination of all of the above. The score will even out when Natalie joins the tooth fairy club, and CJ can ride a two wheeler.

Until then, Meatloaf said it best- "Two outta three ain't bad!"

Show and Tell with Pennylane

2011-09-16T19:09:00.004-04:00

Charlotte brought Pennylane to school today for show and tell. After getting permission to bring the dog into the classroom, this has had Charlotte excited all week. Friday could not come fast enough.

Miss Charlotte was up and dressed early this morning. She selected her own outfit for such a special day. Jeff and I were cracking up at her choice. With the tall black boots,chanel-ish jacket and animal print skirt, she was my mini me. Hey, I would be lying if I did not admit it!

After the class of preschoolers gathered round the circle, Charlotte sat on the big chair
and gave instructions. "Just sit on your bottoms and I will tell you about Pennylane. She is a Jack Russell terrier, she is smart, and if she likes you, be ready to get kissed and licked, ok?"

Just as I entered the room with Pennylane on a leash, Charlotte said, "One at a time people, one at a time!" Mini me, indeed.

The kids all took turns

loving on our sweet girlie. Charlotte answered a bunch of questions about her poochie and graciously allowed each of her friends to pet Penny
and rub her polky dot belly. If you think for one second this dog was not loving it, just look more closely at the photos. If Penny could go to school with Charlotte every day, she would.

Show and tell made Charlotte a star today. No one, not even the teachers, could resist the charms of our petite Jack Russell girl. There is no reason to tell you the whole story, because, let's face it.....the photos show it.

Eye Carumba, another Co-Pay

2011-09-14T10:17:00.006-04:00

It is official. 2011 is the year of the co-pay. Chinese restaurants might say otherwise, but here at the Slutskys, we are all about paying deductibles and shelling out co-pays like candy on Halloween.

Cue the insurance card and $40 for the eye doctor visit. CJ was due to get his vision screening and glasses re-evaluated. Last year, we tried to strengthen his lazy left eye with glasses. This year, we checked for progress.

The various tests

and charts proved that he has poor eye muscle coordination. His right eye is much stronger and is helping keep the left one lazy, which means, we either need to patch him or try the dilating drops on Friday afternoons. We are going to do the drops for 3 months and then re-evaluate his improvement.

CJ's eye glass prescription has changed. He needs new glasses. This is one area of the whole "cadillac" health care plan that is sorely lacking. We do not have vision coverage for frames or materials. As much as I wanted to order the $99 NIKE frames from the eye doctor, I could not justify the expense (over $200 with the lenses) when I knew we could get something similar from Coastal Contacts or Best Price Glasses.com for a fraction of the price. It is a good thing CJ is really mellow about the look of his accessories. If this was one of the girls I would totally be screwed.

Today, I ordered two pairs of eye glasses for CJ. With upgraded lenses, frames and shipping, two pairs were $58 delivered to my front door. I am sure these will suffice until our re-check in 90 days.

And I thought diapers and preemie formula were expensive? I was so clueless to the future back then, but I am getting smarter. We better get orthodontic coverage STAT!

Eye Carumba.

Missoni Mishaps and Mayhem

2011-09-13T23:47:00.001-04:00

I was really upset this morning, and in hindsight, I am glad I have a new job to keep me busy, and out of trouble. This morning, Target and Missoni launched their limited edition pieces both on line and at stores. The old Helene would have been lined up at the door at the opening bell, but the new Helene was shuffling the van to have a window replaced, and getting dropped off at the office to start a busy day of WORKING.

Keep in mind, I am not new to the Missoni mayhem. I have been wearing and loving the Missoni brand for years. I have been fortunate enough to score pieces here, there and everywhere on sale. Filene's basement, Neimans Last Call, and even on a few couture websites have allowed me to wear the precious ORANGE LABEL at a fraction of the original retail price. Missoni is timeless, beautifully crafted in Italy, and most of all, it is an exclusive luxury brand.

Until now.

When Target announced the upcoming Missoni arrivals, I actually felt a pang of fear. What if the made for Target collection looked amazing- what if you can't tell the difference between the real, Made in Italy, $1400 cardigan, and the Made in China $39.99 version? Holy crap, what if I am sporting my beloved, paid way too much for it Missoni and someone mistakes it for the Target ones? Ughhhhh. Walk of shame? Shudder. Don't get me wrong, I shop at Target and other discount retailers, I just do not want to LOOK like I do. Capice?

Needless to say, I was interested to see, feel and scrutinize the Missoni for Target. I just did not realize that everyone else felt the same way. Call me clueless, but when Jeff dropped me off at work this morning, I actually believed I would be able to hit the Target store on my way home, see the Missoni, and judge for myself if it was worthy of a spot in my wardrobe rotation. This was one instince where viewing the images on line were not going to cut it. Fair enough, right?

During a lull in the madness that is my new job, I sat with my i-phone and went to Target.com to check out the colors, patterns and to pre-shop for later in the evening. I was bummed that I kept getting an error message- maybe it was an i-phone connection thing, or maybe the Target website was down? I did not think anything of it. Shit happens- oh well, back to work, I will stop by on my way home and I will get my hands on the Missoni to investigate more closely.

Wrong.

Apparently, everyone and their three best friends had already cleaned out the shelves and racks. When I arrived before 7:00 in the evening, there was not a scrap of chevron knitted clothing anywhere. At first, I thought I was in the wrong department. When I inquired at customer service they told me it had been sold out since before 8:00 a.m. I was speechless. You mean there is nothing left? Correct.

At that point, I took a few steps toward the red internet kiosk. I tried to go to the on line portal to see the styles. Again, an error WOOF message. Weird? It was at that precise second that it dawned on me. The Missoni mayhem crashed the Target server, and all the Made in China Missoni was gone. I missed it.

I am not the only one who wanted to score a few mix and match pieces of the brand. Was I really that naive? I actually thought the general population and Target customer would care less about some colorful woven knits. What has happened to me? I missed the boat. The old Helene would have never let this happened. I have gone soft.

Perhaps, I have become more of a fashion snob that I realize. There. I said it. I admit that I was wrong to assume the Missoni for Target would not be a phenomenon. Fail. Epic fail.

When I got home from dinner with my triplet mom friends, I logged onto Target.com and gained access to the Missoni selections. They were pretty impressive. I ordered a few of the available staples like tights, socks, and when I refreshed the browser I was able to put a sweater in my cart. I check out quickly because sometimes things disappear before you can complete the transaction.

The long and short of the Missoni mayhem is this- Target and I underestimated the general public. We should have known there would be Missoni Mayhem.

edited to add, there was a huge selection of the little girls sizes at the Easton location. However, if anyone in this house is going to be strutting around in Missoni, it will be me. I need the clothes for work. Natalie and Charlotte do not NEED Missoni for preschool and kindergarten. I added up the cost on even the little sizes, and Jeff would shit his pants if I spent $200 on two layered knit Fall outfits for them. I would be divorced and strutting around in Made in China Missoni.

edited again: Jeff just informed me that there over 6500 Missoni for Target items listed on e-bay. I guess I not only missed the boat, but I was ahead of my time. EPIC FAIL. The old Helene would have stalked the store before sunrise, would have spent $3K and would have turned it and burned it into $10k in a friggin week. FML.

Just Another Deductible

2011-09-12T19:51:00.002-04:00

I should have known that 2011 would be the year of the deductible. It all started back on New Years Eve and at the time, I did not know it would be foreshadowing. So far this year, we have paid more than our fair share of co-pays, and deductibles.

Cest La Vie!

Last night, we left the van in the driveway, as it was pouring down rain. We had a cargo area full of groceries from Costco. I was barking orders at the kids and Jeff to do the least amount of work in the rain. My 5" patent leather platform slides were not good shoes to wear on slippery concrete, so I ditched them, along with my favorite purple Missoni*** silk scarf, and my Bottega bag,(G-d forbid they should see, yet alone be introduced to rainfall) and I shuffled the kids into the house.

Then, Jeff and I off loaded only the frozen stuff first, and left the rest of the non-perishables for later. I grabbed my clear plastic little purse tote from work (my wallet, keys, and other crucial stuff was inside) brought that into the kitchen, and left the rest for a drier time. Of course the electronics like my i-phone car charger and GPS were neatly tucked inside the van too- no sense getting them water logged or ruined.

We added yet another payment to an insurance company before 7 a.m. this morning.

Imagine the shock and horror when we discovered someone broke out the passenger window of my van and stole some belongings from inside the front seats. The swagger wagon Sienna was locked, so had the thieves opened one of the doors from inside, the alarm would have sounded. It was a smash and grab crime.

I came out wearing my typical early morning garb of Jeff's boxers and a sleep tee shirt, and this is what I saw.

Right in my driveway. Right smack dab in the middle of suburban bliss. As if.

We were the first family to report the problem to the police. There was a police report to fill out. Our officer listed all the items that were taken and headed off to another call in our neighborhood. Little did we know, 4 other families would call after us. Apparently, there was a smash and grab spree last night in the splendor that is New Albany and Gahanna.

My knight in shining armour cleaned up the broken glass.
He then drove the kids to school, minus a passenger front window. I love him for things like this. Shout out to being a rock star for Jeff.

Once again, it is only "stuff" and details. My prescriptions, make-up, GPS, chargers, corrective sunglasses and (GASP!)that Bottega bag, can be replaced. In the grand scheme of things, it is all replaceable. No one was hurt or injured-- and while it is a giant pain in the ass to deal with this kind of crap, it will be ok. It is nothing another deductible and my meds can't fix.

Just for the record, the window being broken out is covered under the auto policy. The contents are considered to be part of the homeowner's policy- so technically- you guessed it- two deductibles in one incident. Wooooo-Hoooooo.

Let's recap 2011 for those of you that are new here. On January first, we already had our first ER visit. There were too many doctor office co-pays to count during the winter months and into spring. In May, Charlotte and I were in the van when an uninsured driver slammed into us. After we got the van back from being repaired, a hauling truck lost part of its' load and a pipe cracked the windshield. Good times.

With my ever present sarcasm it is easy for me to look at all this insurance deductible drama and sigh. Ahhhhhhh, it is only money. Thankfully, after my refills on the stolen meds, I am fully medicated.

****Yes, I know that Target is getting ready to launch a cheap version of my beloved Missoni. I shudder. I am anxious to see what "Made in China" Missoni looks like actually, and I hope the stuff does not look too much like my existing pieces of real Orange Label. I do realize that when I showcase my "good" Missoni, everyone and their uncle is going to assume I got it for a song at Target. FML! But yeah, I will be in line tomorrow morning to see what I can score. Hypocrite? or fashion victim?-- you decide!

10 Years Ago

2011-09-11T19:56:00.002-04:00

Today is the tenth anniversary of the terrorist attack on our country. I considered not mentioning the tragedy on my blog because I like this to be a happy place. After doing some soul searching, (yes I have a soul) I changed my mind.

As I watched the events unfold on television in my bedroom, in my house, in Prairie Village, Kansas my boss called and said our offices would be closed. As the second tower fell, I knew it was no accident. There was a need to be with someone that day, and at that time I did not have a special someone. I rallied with my friend Sheri Bell, who was home on maternity leave with Jacob. We were glued to the television set all day.

Weeks would pass and there was evidence of the impact from the infamous 9/11. Economic problems, revisions in policies, and a general fear of the enemy. I had no idea at the time, but in Ohio, Amanda and Mitchell were about to lose their mother to an unforeseen medical mistake. I would lose my job prior to getting paid the commissions I had earned for future sales. Ten years ago, all these events occurred and ten years ago everyone was deeply sad.

Life goes on, new lives are created, but it is important not to lose sight of the past. When I saw this post on another blog I follow, it put the whole day into perspective for me.

"I was in Building 1. I sustained third degree burns on the majority of my body including my face. I was carried by strangers down the stairs.

We confronted ten young, brave men who walked up to their deaths. Each of them terrified yet determined to save lives. One firefighter, the first to see me, saw the struggle that people were having and grabbed me up and carried me the rest of the flight down and out. He gave me oxygen and talked about his family.

While I live daily with nearly 90 of my body with third degree burns, I have no hair, am missing all the fingers on my left hand, several toes, am dependant on oxygen constantly and a wheelchair most times, I wouldn’t change my situation in a moment.

Why? Because that young man was a father to seven. Seven children that he supported. A wonderful wife.

And because of my burns, he gathered me in his arms and carried me to safety, he sought out medical assistance…and he survived.

We see each other several times a year as families. I see his children, his wife we gather and eat and drink and talk and laugh.

But every 9/11 He and I join together alone and remember. We talk of that day. We speak of friends and colleagues lost.

And that is what we did today. We cried. We laughed. We hugged.

We remembered."

After reading that, how could any American just sweep it under the rug as if today was just any other day? Impossible! Despite taking the kids to two different birthday parties today, I want to be sure that the tenth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks are remembered. Forever.

Leopard Prints and Loyal Readers

2011-09-10T23:48:00.001-04:00

After spending the week in the retail environment, I can report that the Fall trends this season include layering, bulky cardigan or poncho sweaters, cashmere and animal prints. Tall boots, suede and fur trimmed anything are really focal points. I have channeled my fashionista sense into getting dressed for work every single day.

When you talk the talk, you have to walk the walk. So I donned my tall, black, pointy toe, stiletto heeled boots, added my vintage Dolce & Gabanna wool jersey, leopard print dress and went to work bright and early this morning. I left the house before 9 in full make-up and dressed to kill. I was fierce.

On the way to the store, I realized I needed to pick up two birthday gifts for the triplets to take to a party tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. There would be no time to shop for the boys after work, and not enough time to pick them up beforehand on a Sunday morning. This meant a quick pit stop at Target on my way to the office.

I used to think that I heard all kinds of hushed whispers and comments from the peanut gallery when I took the infant triplets with me. That was nothing compared to the remarks I got, while browsing through Target so early on a Saturday morning. I am sure people either assumed I was still out sporting my clothes from a way too late Friday night of partying, or perhaps, I was just overdressed for an early round of Saturday shopping at Target. Regardless, I was rocking it in my fashionista fall frocks.

Never one to explain myself without being asked, I just strolled through the aisles getting the crappy Made in China ZOOBLES. When I overheard a couple saying something about my leopard dress and boots, I had to chime in- there was no way I was going to be mocked. I sashayed over and said, "Doesn't everyone wear leopard print Dolce to Target on Saturday?" I laughed and explained that I was headed to work across the street at the mall. The lady was so funny about it, after I broke the ice, she wanted details on my boots. Prior to that, I was the freak in fancy clothes. We chit chatted about how Target is getting ready to launch a line of Missoni and from there, her husband excused himself to look at anything in the sporting goods department. He obviously had a shred of manhood left because he ditched us as soon as the word Missoni zig zag knits was spoken. Had he stayed another second, he would have become an instantaneous metrosexual.

Once I got to work, I blended in without a problem. Everyone is a designer clad diva inside the store. I even took this photo of a great ruffled, black cashmere sweater for a friend. Yes, I made sure she could see my boots and dress in the mirror, because I knew she would appreciate my fall trends. And she did.

The kids came into the store to see where I work. This helped them understand where I was, what I was doing, and why I was not home. They thought my store was fancy and it was all I could do to get them to use inside voices and contain their excitement. Here we arein my personal fitting room. I am the one in the leopard print dress.

After working all day, I went directly to a cocktail dinner party for a friend in Bexley. Still prancing around in my fabulous fall style, there were plenty of oooohs and ahhhhs about the leopard print and tall boots. If there is one way to announce your presence at a party, it is to show up dressed like a high priced, fashion minded call girl.

A few people I did not know, came up and said how much they enjoy reading my blog. This left my husband in complete awe. He used to be the one to have complete strangers come up to him and chat about his weekly column in the Columbus Dispatch. My my, how the tables have turned. Now, my little Mommie blog is gaining attention in our social circles. We laughed like all the way home making fun of ourselves. I told him if he dressed like an expensive whore, he might have people strike up a conversation with him too.

From Target to Tapas at a swanky dinner party, you can count on me to start dialogue and get the conversation going. I don't even need a syndicated column in the newspaper now that I have my little blog.

Gluten Free Apple Crumble

2011-09-09T19:03:00.007-04:00

If your home is anything like mine this time of year, you have a plethora of fresh apples to eat. When there are four small hands in the apple orchard, it does not take long before you have 30 to 40 pounds of fruit. Cue the recipes and get out the peelers.

On Labor Day I had the kids peeling apples. This was my own version of occupational therapy. Back when I was obsessed with them NOT being developmentally delayed, they did all kinds of OT in therapeutic play sessions. They never even knew it was occupational, physical or speech therapy when they were having fun. The same is true now, when I am helping them improve hand dexterity and hand eye coordination. Smooth round apples and sharp peelers make for a great tool in concentration as well. Little did they need to know it was also slave labor. I giggled to myself that I was violating child labor laws on Labor day. It was my own kind of pun fun. Therapy? Labor? What's the big difference?

So anyway, after the apples were peeled I cranked out three pans of cinnamon apple crumble for the freezer, and one to sample for dessert to reward the laborers. This was a cinch to make, it took very little effort, and now that I have a stash of these in aluminum foil pans, I am good to go to a pot luck, or an impromptu gathering here at home.

I used the Bob's Red Mill Shortbread mix for the dough base, and with the proper layering and improvising, it was a great way to use up those apples. This served as an amazing home fragrance too.

Ingredients:

2 packages Bob's Red Mill GF Shortbread Mix
2 sticks of butter
2 egg yolks
4 TBSP ground cinnamon
1/3 cup water
apples, apples, apples (peeled, cored, sliced)
brown sugar for decoration

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray the foil baking pans with cooking spray and set in a row on the counter.

Fill each about 1/2 to 3/4 full with the apple slices. Sprinkle a little cinnamon and toss to coat them with a few pinches of the dry shortbread mix.Add a few cubes of butter atop the apples and allow some of the butter to fall down into the apples.

Use the remaining butter, water, yolks, ground cinnamon and shortbread mix
to form a soft dough. Crumble hunks on top of the apples to make a rough and pebbled crust. Press some of the dough together so that there are smooth areas
and vents throughout the top of each pan, and to allow some of the released apple juices to mix with the crumble topping.

Bake for 45 minutes at 350, then sprinkle brown sugar on top of the hot crumble. Broil for 3 minutes until the sugar caramelizeson the crust. Remove from the oven and cool on the counter. Serve warm with vanilla bean ice cream on top.

I do not have any photos of the scoops of crumble being served. I was too completely involved with putting the dessert into my mouth to be bothered with taking pictures. Even for the blog. I inhaled this and it was so incredibly delicious that the kids wanted it again for breakfast. I saved a few cups of the apples with crumble, and stirred it into their GF oatmeal, and that was recycling at its finest.

The Warm Welcome

2011-09-07T20:54:00.001-04:00

I am a working gal. Officially. I have started my personal shopping gig, and I have to report that it truly is; rock star awesome. Seriously.

Maybe it is a coinkydink, but I doubt it. My first day was the kick off of employee appreciation week. It was beyond my wildest dreams that I would be served mock tails and appetizers at 2:00 in the afternoon. The store manager was the bartender and he served up some mean faux cocktails, I must say. How cool is this? On my first day of work, the big boss is mixing cold beverages for me- well, me and every other person working there, but still, totally fabulous. I could get used to this.

So after I gave everyone the 411 yesterday, I had to make sure I was not breaking any rules. When you work for a large corporation, even a Mommie blog like mine can step on toes and cross the line on the internet-even by accident. I cleared the gist of things with the powers at be, and I can publicly state that I am a consultant in the Fifth Avenue Club at Saks Fifth Avenue. Hip Hip Hooray.

Obviously, there are confidentiality issues, privacy concerns, and standards to uphold- so I will not be blogging about the actual day to day functions at my office, in the store, in my double top secret dressing room, or in general. There won't be any postings about upcoming sales or bargains, because this is not the place for that. I am more than happy to add my readers to my client base, I just have to do that off of this space, and in private.

In order for me to offer my services, I just need to know you are interests and we can go from there. Whether you need a long-lasting, lilac lipstick or a lovely, long length lynx coat, I am willing to help. Just reach out to me, and I will make things happen. I have email, a cell phone, a voice mail at the store and if worse comes to worse, you can send me a smoke signal- but remember, the only smoke I like is from Jack's Stack BBQ in Kansas City.

One of the nicest things about my new job is the warm welcome I received from everyone in the store. Now, let me return the favor to you.... call, or come and see me.

The Life of a Personal Shopper

2011-09-06T20:25:00.001-04:00

When Jeff and I realized I needed to go back to work, I thought long and hard about my dream job. What have I done in the past that provided me satisfaction, financial gain, day to day excitement and was fueled by my passion for fashion? DUH.... Personal stylist, Personal Shopper. It's a no brainer.

I think back on the Nordstrom days with mostly fond memories. While there was drama, and there is always drama, I loved the actual job. I loved it so much because it never felt like I was working. My clients became my friends. I got to play dress up with them- ahhhhhhh, the newest clothes, shoes and accessories in my fitting room everyday. We would laugh and have a blast in that room sharing our thoughts on the good, bad and ugly garments, gossiping about celebrities and finding that shopping zen when we achieved our goals. What is not to love, right?

Most people stereotype personal shoppers as ritzy, snotty salespeople who expect their customers to just plunk down a credit card and buy crazy, expensive stuff, sight unseen. Truth be told, that would be a big fat NO! I am not Rachel Green from the NBC show Friends either. Rachel wasn't really a personal shopper- at all. So when you think I am lolly gagging around designer merchandise, petting Pucci, mauling Missoni, and lusting about Louboutins, think again. In reality, I will be sending out contact cards, drumming up business, networking with every person I know and adore, and because my business is completely self generated. I won't be able to just stand around and wait for customers to walk in the front door. I gots to make it happen. On my own. I would not have it any other way.

Did you know that working with a personal shopper is free? Most people think it costs money to engage the services of a professional, but in this case, I am yours for FREE. You just make an appointment and the store pays me to help you find that perfect interviewing outfit, special occasion gown, gift or splurge- you want/need. I accept odd challenges under extreme conditions and time constraints. I am like a shopping doctor. I take your physical information, fashion history, and after reviewing your chart, I make an informed diagnosis about this crisis, emergency or long term wardrobe plan. Then, I offer you choices of a treatment, suggestions, and possible tailoring to customize the fit- but you ultimately decide how to proceed. While I do not take insurance, the store pays me a commission to treat my patients. Free for you, fun for both of us. If it is not fun, I have not done my job correctly.

It is not all glamour and glitz. Much like it sounds so fabulous to be a flight attendant, in reality, flight attendants are security guards, waitresses, nurses, and babysitters. Once the plane is at 30,000 feet they toss puke bags into the trash and make coffee. They get to jet set around the globe seeing the insides of airports and musty hotel rooms, and in an emergency they help keep passengers safe. There are delays, weather issues and oh yeah, they get to deal with drunks and mean spirited people. Sounds fun, doesn't it?

In all honesty, being a personal shopper really is fun and it is definitely challenging at times, I won't sugar coat it. Much like the flight attendants, I will be doing all kinds of less glamorous stuff behind the scenes. I will be hunting and gathering clothes to fit, flatter and financially make sense for all types of folks- this can be tricky. I'll be trying to get my clients to step out of their comfort zone which is part psychology, part persuasion, part raw truth and combination of honesty and tact. Additionally, I will be hanging up clothes, putting back the ones that did not work, and I will be running around the store in my 5" platform pumps trying to make sense of the styles and turn this all into a positive experience for the client.

Ohhhhh, the clothes. The shoes. The handbags. Sigh. I'll spend my days with Giorgio, Ralph and Manolo. Triple sigh.

With all this insight, you see that my life as a personal shopper is destined to begin again, at Saks Fifth Avenue right now. The cat is out of the bag, as I am truly jazzed to get back into the swing of things, styling and shopping for and with my favorite people- you included. Let me know if you see something on Saks.com or even if you have a hankering for something fabulous and frivolous. No job is too grand, no task is too small. I am working for you here.

With anticipation of all this glory, I have been re-organizing my own Fall pieces, mixing, matching and painstakingly planning my first day outfit. First impressions you know. I know, I know. My life as a personal shopper is never dull, never boring and never the same day to day. It is a natural fit for someone like me.

Now, who is ready to make an appointment? The Doctor is IN!

Labor Day Hard Labor

2011-09-05T21:20:00.006-04:00

I tried to explain the meaning of Labor day to the kids. As much as I tried to convey the message of honoring hard working people, they did not grasp the concept. Instead of talking my head off to no avail, I just put the kids to work and called it Labor Day.

They understood my version of Labor day just fine. Whistle while you work was playing in my head (do doot doot doot doot do) as I assigned tasks to the them on a school free Monday. Here are the photos of what Labor day looks like at our house when I have two boys and a girl peeling apples

for a gluten free, gala apple cinnamon cobbler. Yes, I am sure this is in violation with child labor laws- so sue me. You want to eat the cobbler? You peel apples dammit.

The same Mommie logic applies to chopping cooked chicken breasts. I roasted 20 pounds of chicken for all kinds of batch recipes and I needed to cut the white meat into bite sized pieces. This was the perfect job for my little engineer, who painstakingly made sure the chopping was done in a uniform manner with equal sized results.

CJ was really proud of his finished product, and he ate his fair share while he worked, so it was a total win-win for us.

I noticed the dog food bin was getting low. I needed someone to scoop the kibble from the 25 pound bag into the rubbermaid tub. This could have taken me about 11 seconds to do myself, if I had hoisted the open bag over the blue plastic bin and poured the food directly inside. Instead, I offered this important laborious task to CJ

who made sure every last speck of dog food was inside the bin. He scooped and scooped until the bag was empty, then he found stray shards of dry dog food pebbles on the floor and he added them to the mix. Quality child labor like this is hard to find. Hard labor, hard to do- hard laborers, hard to find.

Meanwhile, in case you are curious, Charlotte was not interested in any jobs I had to offer. Nothing! She simply refused every chore I offered. She did not want to work, at all. So when it was time to serve the toasty warm, cinammony apple cobbler, I made sure that those who helped got some first. After she was the last to get a slice, she said, "I am sorry I did not help you guys, next time I will watch you peel the apples so I can get a piece first." Sure, she missed the point a bit, but she got the gist of it, I guess?

Labor day is typically a day off, a day of rest from work and a time to honor those who have worked hard all year. Or in my house, it is a day off from school, where kids are bored, and need something constructive to keep them busy. Labor day with hard labor makes it all worthwhile.

Pesto Perfecto

2011-09-04T19:27:00.018-04:00

I have been meaning to post this amazing recipe, but with all the craziness that is my personal life these days, the blog has been put on the shelf with various other tasks, or maybe like this pesto, it is frozen in time. For a little while, anyway.

So last week, when I took the kids to Lynd's to pick Gala Apples, one of the guys came over to let us try some of the big daddy peaches

they had featured in the tent sale. After trying these orgasmic, enormous peaches, we picked gala apples and then stopped by the tent sale. I bought the kitchen sink, big daddy peaches (you have to eat them over the kitchen sink, lest your floor will be sticky from peach juice drippings) and a gob of fresh basil.

I am not sure how much basil I really bought, because it was sold in tethered bunches, not by weight. When I saw these massive bales of basil for $2 a piece, I was giddy. Seriously, I was scheming and plotting my pesto making mode right then and there. I cleared my schedule for the rest of the afternoon, as I prepared to go into a serious culinary coma.

I filled the van, kitchen and whole house with the overwhelming scent of fresh basil. It smelled so good before I even made the pesto sauce, but when you factor in the aroma of fresh garlic and pine nuts, it was too much. The kids were demanding to know when the pesto sauce would be ready, they could not wait!

Here is the single use recipe that I multiplied like 150 times to make enough pesto sauce to last a year(?)and to use up my current inventory of basil leaves. You can just make in double or triple batches, to adjust the ingredients to the size of your food processor and supply of the ingredients. FYI--I am in serious need of a larger and more commercial grade food processor, hint, hint, Jeff my honey. I know you read the blog when you try to get caught up on the drama you miss when you are at the office working.

Ingredients:

2 cups fresh basil leaves, packed
1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan-Reggiano or Romano cheese
1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil
1/3 cup pine nuts or walnuts
3 medium sized garlic cloves, minced

Wash, rinse, drain and paper towel dry the basil. Remove the leaves from the stems and set aside.
The stalks can be discarded. Assemble the food processor with a medium blade and pulse together the basil until well chopped. Add the garlic and pulse to combine, then add the olive oil in a stream while the blade is turned to the "on" mode. Once the oil is incorporated, add the pine nuts until well mixed and smooth.Pulse in the shredded Parmesan cheese until you can no longer see it in the sauce. Scrape and pour the pesto into clean jarsor an ice cube tray and seal, and freeze until ready to use. I prefer to add a little more olive oil on top of the pesto
before sealing it in the jar, this keeps the sauce from freezer burn.

Making this in mass quantity is so satisfying. Just looking at the jars of frozen pesto in my freezer is making me happy. I know that in about the time it takes to boil water and prepare pasta, I can have a have a hearty, delicious meal ready- which in my world is pesto perfecto!

Ballet Day, Ballet Night

2011-09-03T20:55:00.009-04:00

I spent the entire day and into the night, influenced by ballerinas. It was a serene way to pass time inside the Ohio Bureau of Vehicles and an even more relaxing way to get familiar with the new Scioto Mile and Bicentennial Park downtown.

While the triplets were at kindergarten, Charlotte and I took Argenida to get her Ohio drivers license. This can be summed up best by saying, I went to Hell and I knew it would be hot, but I did not realize it was going to be THAT bad. It was literally 102 degrees when we entered the building. When you combine a few hundred sweaty people into a small room, it is not pleasant. When all of these folks are hot, irritated, and subjected to various tests, the stress level compounds making even the most tolerant individual a raving lunatic.

I refused to subject Charlotte to that kind of situation. There were people cussing about the "effing line" the effing proof of identification, blah, blah, blah and there were wanna be rappers listening to profane lyrics on their i-pods. It was all so loud that I could hear every four letter word streaming from their ear buds. It was not good, not good at all.

To buffer the delicate ears of my child, I took her into the formal lobby of the building where we sat and watched you tube videos on my i-phone. When that got boring, I suggested Charlotte call Nana. She did. After that, Charlotte read the driving handbook to herself, in Spanish. Finally, Charlotte found her target audience. She did ballet to entertain all the other people in the lobby.

Her twirling and prancing was inspired by ballet and she took bows, and accepted her applause accordingly.

It was fitting that later in the evening, Jeff and I had the extreme pleasure of watching the Columbus Ballet debut at the newly opened facility along the Scioto River. This was not just any ballet troupe, this was Ballet Met, with Jeff's cousin Beila Ungar

making her first appearance as a professional ballerina.

We sat with the whole family

from Maryland, Cincinnati and NYC as we cheered for our girl. The aunts, uncles, cousins, sister and brother alond with proud parents and grandparents were there to see Beila. Having our very own ballerina made our night out even more fun.

It is not often that I get this much quality entertainment in my life. Who needs to watch So you think you can dance on television, when you can get this kind of pure joy in real life? Ballet all day, ballet all night. Life is good.

Posting Remorse and other News

2011-09-01T20:12:00.004-04:00

If you are wondering what happened to the original (from earlier today) post I deleted, I apologize. I had, what I like to call, posters remorse. Since I have not actually started the job, I thought it better to wait and post all the juicy details after it was in fact, my new job- not just an offer that I accepted.

I felt the same way about having a baby shower when I was pregnant with the triplets. Call it superstitious, call it not counting eggs before they hatch, whatever.... I just did not want to jinx anything. The same holds true about my new personal shopping position. I will wait and keep the post in draft mode until my job is a current one, not a future one.

So while I am waiting for my career to begin, I am nesting here at home. I am starting to build up the batch food reserves in the freezer so that my dinner plans will continue without much interruption. I can work hard, come home and have a nice meal ready with little effort. Between batch cooking and my crock pot, I doubt my full time work schedule will have an impact on dinner time.

This also means that the blog has been a virtual snooze fest. I have been documenting all the food items and recipes, but if I continue to turn this spot into a food blog, my readers will fall asleep at the screen. YAWN!

Before I go on a food blogging binge, here are a few highlights from the mouths of babes this week:

Eli reported that he really enjoyed having hot lunch at school. His favorite side dish was "BAR-GANZO" beans. I made him repeat it three times before I realized he was trying to tell me he had garbanzo beans. It was at that precise moment when it dawned on me....hot lunch at a Jewish school is far more interesting that public school hot lunch. Doy!

NEWSFLASH! Natalie has a lower tooth that is loose. While it will be a few weeks before that sucker comes out, she is finally on the path to joining her brothers in the club. THANK GAWD. I could not take much more of the insanity. Now, Charlotte is asking me to check her mouth too, so the tooth drama will continue for years.

I cleaned CJ's glasses before school this morning. You have no idea how ridiculously filthy and smudged a 5 year old boy can get his lenses. They were so gross, I actually used both steam and a lysol wipe on them. When I handed them back, he put them on, looked up at me and said, "WOW, these are so clear I can see even better than before, it is like my eyes aren't even looking through glass!" Note to self, clean his glasses more often.

While I have not spoken to Mitchell on the phone, I have been keeping up with his new college life via his posts on facebook. A parent can learn a lot from social networking with their kid. I know that Mitchell is fine, he is adjusting well to dorm life, and that he and his roommate have, and I quote: "just signed a roommate agreement sheet. Rule number 1... No fat chicks." end quote. Nice. At the risk of being de-friended,(again) I can also share these from the heart of Mitchell Slutsky gems: "First day of class tomorrow! Not only do I get to walk across the entire campus for my first class but I get to wake up extra early to go buy a text book. Tomorrow is gonna be so fun!" I wonder where he gets the sarcasm? As a concerned parent, I was glad he updated his status later that evening, "saw about 1,000 girls i would do today... things are looking up" I don't think he is depressed and home sick.

So to conclude, prepare for the following posts to be more food than fluff. I will get back to the regularly scheduled programming, eventually.

10 Layer Gluten Free Cake

2011-08-30T21:37:00.001-04:00

I saw a recipe for a 12 layer cake that looked amazing. I had been thinking about it for weeks, and since today is Edgar's birthday, I went ahead and adapted the recipe and instructions to create a gluten free, ten layer version.

I have not officially mentioned it, but I am starting a new, full time job next week, and there will not be time for making cakes like this- so while the kids are in school and during my only real week of leisure, I cranked this one out.

I took tons of photos because I wanted to show how mind blowing this cake looks- and relatively easy it is to make. In the grand scheme of things, start to finish, it did not take much more time than a traditional birthday cake.

You will need, 10 round foil baking pans- these were in a package of three for $1.44 at Wal-Mart and if rinsed with hot soap and water, can be re-used every time you are asked to bring this cake to a party. And you will be asked. Other supplies include a sharpie marker, parchment paper, cooking spray and a cardboard cake round about an inch bigger than the pans. I cut one from a box in the garage using my sharpie and the foil pan as a guide.

First, trace the bottom of the cake pan onto a sheet of parchment paper using a sharpie. Cut the template and then use it over 9 layers of parchment paper to make 10 circles that will line the insides of the foil pans.

Spray the pans generously with the cooking spray, place one paper liner on the bottom, and spray again. Making ten layers and having them stick is a real drag, so be liberal with the spray and there will be no worries.

After prepping the pans, pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees and adjust the rack toward the center and if you have two rows, use the middle two for baking multiple cakes at once.

Ingredients for Cake:

2 sticks of butter at room temp
1/2 tsp almond extract
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
6 eggs
2 boxes Gluten Free Yellow Cake mix
1 cup water

Mix eggs and butter on low speed until creamy, then gradually

add the cake mix, water and extracts to form a batter. I could not find my 2/3 cup, so this is how I decided to roll, I filled a one up about 2/3 full. You can do what you have to do.

Pour and use a spatula to get 2/3 cup batter into the center of the parchment paper lined pan. Smooth from the center to make it as even as possible all the way around. Repeat until all pans are filled. Bake for 12 minutes and cool on the counter.

While the layers are baking, make the middle frosting. This is like a gooey chocolate syrup that thickens as it cools, so do not be alarmed if it seems thin, you will be pouring and spreading it in between all the layers.

3 cups sugar
1/2 cup unsweetened Dutch process dark cocoa powder
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter , cut up
1 can (12 ounces) evaporated milk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract

Add all ingredients (except vanilla) to a sauce pan and bring to a boil, stirring often. Boil for two minutes while stirring and remove from heat and let stand in the pan for a few minutes to thicken a bit.
Transfer to a pyrex to make pouring it over the layers easier.

Place the cardboard round on top of a wire rack, with a cookie sheet underneath to catch the drips. Begin adding the first layer of cake and pour the warm chocolate frosting onto the center. Use the back of a spoon to spread it to the edges.

Add another layer and repeat, making sure the stacks of cake have enough filling to ooze out from the edges and drip down. After all ten layers are assembled, pour additional chocolate over the top and make sure the edges are sealed with the chocolate. The cake should look like thiswhen you stick it in the fridge to firm up and set completely.

While the cake is setting, I made a chocolate-cream cheese frosting for the final decorating touch to the cake. I like the appearance to be more like a regular cake so when you cut into it, the surprise is all the yummy, moist layers of cake.

Exterior frosting

2 sticks of butter at room temp
8 ounces cream cheese at room temp
1/2 cup cocoa
2 cups powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla

Mix together on medium speed until fluffy and smooth.
Chill until this frosting becomes a little bit more firm. Spread evenly onto layer cake and cover all the surfaces using a spatula.
Lift the cardboard round onto a cake stand and keep in the fridge until ready to serve. Cut into wedges and watch your guests freak out.

Here is the cut to the chase proof

of the 10 layer success. My kids went cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo crazy for this cake. Edgar
was pretty impressed too, and no one had any notion that this was a gluten free cake. The secret is the moist frosting and thin layers covered in chocolate. Yes, this was a bit more labor intensive than making a two layer cake, but it was totally worth it.

Start to finish it was about an hour, and then time for the final frosting. Since the layers only bake for 12 minutes, it really went quickly. Do not be intimidated to try this one, it looks difficult but is just a few steps without the need for frosting roses and red dye accents.

Next time, I will use some strawberries to cover up the cardboard edge along the cake stand to purdy it up even more. Now, I must brag about this one on facebook. It is late at night and I am sure these photos will cause cravings nation wide.

Kindergarten, Take Two with My Three

2011-08-29T19:31:00.009-04:00

Kindergarten started today. Hallelujah, Amen, Amen.

Everything I learned about kindergarten last year, has carried over. I am ready. I have no fear of take two with my three.

I took our mandatory photos in front of the van. I know every family has their own set of rituals for the first day back to school photo opps, and I always shoot in front of our current car. I love looking back at vintage photographs that have cars in them. I always marvel at the fashion and the automobiles, so this is a no brainer for me. Besides, we will be driving this Toyota Sienna until the wheels fall off, so it is likely that these kids will be posing along side it until high school graduation.

In which case, I will be able to reflect back on how tall they were in relation to the license plate and rust spots. Oy Vey.

The triplets went to preschool with Li'elle. Now they are reunited again in Kindergarten, and it is like old times. Jeff and I adore her parents and if you recall, Li'elle is/was Eli's first love. I wonder how they will get along after all this time? Check out this group photo- my triplets, Li'elle and her first cousin (their dads are brothers)and a set of twins. Triplets, Twins and First Cousins all in the same class. How cool is that?

The kids saw some of their friends from last year. They understood that their former classmates are in fact, first graders now. Eli told me that even though Maya is in first grade now,he still plans to marry her. Clearly, there is no stigma in repeating kindergarten for these guys.

When it was time for the parents to walk the kids into their classrooms, Natalie gave me the stiff arm. She said, "Ummmm, Mom, we got this!" Obviously, I was an embarrassment to her, and I needed to keep my distance because she was an experienced kindergarten student. She did not need me to coddle her. So I didn't. I took this one last photoin the parking lot, and I tried not to leave skid marks with my van as I peeled out of there.

Instead of lolly gagging about the kindergarten classroom shedding tears,(been there, done that) I zoomed over to Starbucks and grabbed two coffees to go. I had a Mommie play date with Maya's mom and their 15 month old triplets. We sat in the playroom sipping coffee, gabbing about the kids, and it was so relaxing. So what did I do when I drop my triplets off at school? I go and borrow some more triplets for a few hours.

My fun continued when I met up with my triplet mom partners in crime. We had lunch, and compared notes on all the classroom/teacher/multiples drama.I used Lisa as my shield to appear thinner in this photo- a blonde bombshell diversion is good for hiding a multitude of figure flaws in photos. I highly recommend it- she's better than spanx. No one else like this photo because of the angle, but as I sheltered myself with Lisa, I was okay with it.

Before I could blink my eyes, it was pick up time. I hustled back to the school to make it for early release. The triplets could not wait to tell me all about their first day. CJ had an awesome behavior report from his teacher, and she was proud of his choice to stay focused. Natalie said, "You are not going to believe this, but my senior buddy is an expert at giving piggy back rides." When I pressed her further about the quality of her day, Natalie said, "It was wonderful!"

I have a very good feeling about this second year of kindergarten. I think that take two with my three is going to prove to be a good thing.

The Official End of Summer

2011-08-28T21:41:00.006-04:00

Most people mark Labor Day Weekend as the official end of the summer. I chose to observe a different calendar marker: SCHOOL. Once school starts, summer is over.

As I type this post, the backpacks are by the garage door, the clothes are ready for morning, and my camera battery is on the charger because, tomorrow morning is the first day of school, making today, the last day of summer.

In order to celebrate the last day of summer time fun, I pumped and hooked up this new outside water toy.

I only bought it because it was on the 75% summer clearance at CVS, and I had a $5 extra buck that pretty much paid for it. The kids were thrilled to run around the yard getting sprayed with hose water. Natalie was telling the boys, "Mommie only bought us this because it was on sale and we had a coupon, so Daddy won't be mad!"

They played, the yard got watered and you can see that most of the grass that Jeff poisoned earlier in the summer, is growing back. Good times, good times.

Summer 2011 and Camp Helene are finished. I can't say I am too sad. Once school begins, I will be back in business. Literally.

Apple Picking Year After Year

2011-08-27T23:47:00.010-04:00

We have made it a Slutsky family tradition to pick apples in September. This year, the apples are ahead of schedule and like every year since the triplets were 11 months old, we went picking.

As further proof that I was a raving lunatic back in Fall of 2006, here is a photo of me,the double stroller and baby bjorn. The family one row over took the picture and gave me the standard, "Boy, you've got your hands full remark!" I picked apples, the babies were just there for the fresh air, stimulation and photo opportunity. I am sure they enjoyed the scenery. It was the start of our apple picking tradition. Little did I know I would get pregnant a month later.

In Fall of 2007, Charlotte was a few months oldand I bungeed corded her car seat carrier into the choo choo wagon because I was bound and determined to get the apples picked. Just because I had 22 month old triplets and a newborn you could not stop me from being outdoors on a crisp fall morning. This was the first year the triplets could eat the merchandise, and they perfected the art of sampling.

We brought Argenida with us the following year and in 2008 she discovered what apple trees look like in person. When we drove into the orchard she thought the apple trees were fake props to entice you, as a visual display. When I explained that those were the real trees, with real fruit, she was in complete awe.

The kids on the other hand, were put to work picking and running around to release energy in the comfort of the wide open space. This was already starting to get fun for them.

I always enjoy taking them all with me to Lynd's Fruit Farm, because it is one of those educational, nutritional, economical field trips that exhausts them, if done properly. The photos never show me suggesting they run all the way up the hill, and back, 25 times. I began this additional tradition here in 2009when I needed to come home with amazing fruit, and tired children. In order to watch any OSU buckeye football, I needed four kids that would nap. Those were the days.

When Rosh Hashana and the Jewish New Year holiday fall around apple picking season, I am sure to capture a decent group photo for our family greeting cards.
Here in 2010, I coordinated their outfits to the template and scrapbooking card stock because I am insane. Seriously, does anyone else do that?

Now, we are current and caught up to this morning.

Who are these grown up kids? Wasn't it just a few days ago that they were safely contained in a wagon or stroller? Good lord, now they are practically professional apple pickers. We filled two, 16 pound sacks full of Gala Apples in less than ten minutes. Apple picking is getting expensive now that the entertainment value is reduced to such a short period of field time. Of course they still sample as they work, which makes it so much fun, even still.

Every time we go out to the orchard it is a trip down memory lane for me. I still imagine my helpers needing direction and constant supervision. I have to step back, watch them going through the motions and realize, they are getting older, but this is one family tradition that never gets old.

National Banana Split Day

2011-08-26T21:53:00.008-04:00

Despite all the departure drama yesterday, the kids and I found time to celebrate a National holiday. Little did I know when I checked them into the Activity Center at the Market District, it was actually National Banana Split day. I thought it was going to be coupon clipping, sale circular, business as usual.

Okay, so with Americans as the fattest nation on the planet, we need a holiday to recognize novelty ice cream sundaes? I was completely caught off guard. I had to pause and digest (pun intended) that information. Don't misunderstand me, I am all for celebrating holidays that include getting gifts and eating desserts. I just did not know that National Banana Split day was even existed, yet alone was recognized outside of say, Baskin Robbins or Cold Stone Creamery.

At the Market District, the children that had good behavior while playing in the activity center were given a certificate for a free banana split. When you have four kids, chances are they rarely, if ever get their own ice cream in public. Buying four individual servings is expensive- compared to buying a half a gallon of ice cream at the store. Even when we "go out" for ice cream I buy a ginormous size, and we share. Needless to say, having a voucher for your own anything is very cool to four triplets.

I paraded my freak show through the store, and to the sweet shop where the gelato is made. The kids posed for a photo holding their prized possession banana split cards, and they each redeemed them accordingly. As they stood waiting for their treat, they were tempted to touch freshly made chocolates, salt water taffy, and all kinds of fancy candies. The glass display case filled with delicate sweets was more than they could just stand to see. I must have said, "Look with your eyes" four hundred times in the span of about two and a half minutes.

Forgive me for looking a gift horse in the mouth, but don't banana splits usually have bananas in them? I know, I know, beggars can't be choosers, but in this case, this was my children's first real banana split and I did not know how to explain why it was called a banana split. These were ice cream scoops with a cookie and a cherry-

except for CJ, who had ice cream without a gluten cookie wafer and a red dye infused fake cherry. The banana split was sans bananas. As I micro-managed four small hands working the cups and spoons, I was just glad these were free.

I guess I will mark this on the blog for posterity. Next year, at this time, I would not want to forgot such a milestone event. When National Banana Split day means free ice cream, I am not one to say no. Next year though, they better include the bananas.

Two Down, Four to Go

2011-08-25T21:37:00.005-04:00

Jeff has a witty but warped sense of humor and more often than not, he says things that are borderline, crass or inappropriate. Today, however, he nailed it. As I was getting all choked up watching Mitchell pack up the cars to head to college, Jeff turned my frown upside down by saying, "Well honey, two down, only four to go!"

Jeff simply can't wait for us to be empty nesters. We never got the chance to be newlyweds, alone without kids. We started our marriage with dogs and kids and it multiplied, literally, from there. I like it this way, but I think that my husband would like a break from the day to day chaos that is a house full of dependents or "takers" as he loving calls them.

With Amanda and Mitchell away at college we are looking at four more to go. Four more and about 14 years, but whatever. As Mitchell loaded his prized possessions into the van and "blue shiny" I felt a little sad. Despite all the grief he causes and daily messes he makes, I am going to miss his dumb ass. We have had some good times.

I was not even upset or sad until I saw Mitchell saying his good-byes to the kids

and Pennylane. As he hugged each one and made me swear I would not post the photos on my blog, I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. Of course I was going to post the photos on my blog, it is my blog. The all mighty blog for crissakes. Wooooo. The blog. I am a blogger. Gahhhhhhhh.

This Mitchell is the same little pisher that asked me if I would go on a date with his father- 9 years ago this month. When I questioned Mitchell as to why he was asking me if I would date his dad, he told me, "My dad does not handle rejection!" Mitchell had such a big heart even back then. Today, he is still that sensitive guy, only taller and with facial hair and lifelong friendsthat came over to wish him well at Kent State.

As the van was being loaded with the final items, I noticed that Pennylane was equally as upset and all sentimental. She sat at the back of the van
with those big brown eyes trying not to make eye contact for fear of the tears. She stayed focused on watching Mitchell's every motion. We were both a wimpering mess.

As Jeff and the team of movers rolled out of the drive way, I cried. I cried until I thought of Jeff doing a queer happy dance as he sang, Two Down, Four to Go! Just like Jeff can't handle rejection, I can't handle watching the baby birds leave the nest.