Let's call it what it is really is a holiday of gluten, HFCS and dyes, also known as.....Halloween. This is the one holiday that brings out the worst in food treats. Every kid in America is out trick or treating for crap. My kids were certainly not an exception. I am all for eating healthy, and this includes devouring pure sugar laden goodies, IN MODERATION.
I made sure each of my four beggars had a different colored bucket. This was done out of necessity,to prevent confusion. When you know your bucket is green and you see a sibling swiping something from the green bucket, it is crystal clear that you have been wronged. Color coding baby bottles, tee shirts, and hats is so six years ago. Now we have territory to mark with individual colors.
When the Kansas City Chiefs play Monday Night Football ON Halloween, there is reason to celebrate. The enthusiasm and spirit of trick or treating was overshadowed by the need to get home in time for kick off. Look at the genius set up in the cul-de-sacright by Aunt Shell's house. This projection screen television was showing the game on the garage doors of the house, while keg beer was being poured for the "chaperones". New Albany can't compete with these die hards. Aunt Edye and Uncle Marc
served spankikopita appetizers, fire pit smores and wine- the chumps. Just kidding Edye. In Kansas City it is, "Trick or treat, are you ready for some football?"
Here is a good look at the stash of candy that was brought back to Aunt Shell's house after about 45 minutes.
I did my best to eliminate the absolute forbidden sugar and dye products like Pixie Sticks, Lik-M-Aid and Fun Dips, and filtered the collection to let them have chocolate bars, and other gross, commercialized, over processed individually wrapped delicacies. Here is the way the pile was broken down to separate the items from CJ's bucket into two piles, one pile for dye/gluten freeand the other pile for donation to the "wheat people." I figure they do this once a year, and I will turn my cheek for a couple of days every fall. We don't go bonkers for Valentine's day, we do not do Easter baskets, and aside from Latkes and Brisket, they don't get anything remotely close to this at Hanukkah. See kids, I allowed you ingest junk on Halloween. See, I really did!
As a parent that is concerned for my child's safety and well being, I had a duty to examine the candy they collected. I did my best to check for razor blades and tampering. It was a difficult job because, I swear there were many Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and almost all of the Godiva Gems were "suspicious" looking. I quickly segregated those and personally tasted them to be sure they were okay for my angels. What's a mom to do? I would never turn to x-ray machines in the local ER like my parents did back in the late 1970's. I am the guinea pig of all Godiva chocolates. Period, Case Closed.
To top off an already unbelievable evening, the Chiefs won in overtime. Oh the insanity of it all.
In hindsight, planning an 11 hour car trip with four kids, no aupair or nanny and ONE PARENT for the return drive just days after Halloween is a mistake. What a huge undertaking after the ghouls have eaten this kind of mind blowing junk. I am gearing up for the job, and no amount of suspicious Reeses or Godiva chocolates deter me.
I will claim my glass of wine and my Mother of the Year trophy, as I safely pull into the driveway with four hopped up hooligans. Until then, I hope your holiday of gluten, HFCS and Food dye was like the KC Chiefs on Monday Night Football....a WINNER!
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