Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Marriage Talk

There has been lots of discussion on marriage lately. Eli has been especially curious about all things relationship related. This is a kid that pays attention to everything and retains information, even when it is said off the cuff by is sarcastic father.

Since we just celebrated our wedding anniversary. Eli is totally in tune with the idea of being married. He has been looking at photos from our ceremony, and yammering on and on about "when he gets married"- so far, it has been a mild curiosity with him. It is sweet and childish, and someday his naivety will be gone, so for now, I am enjoying his dialogue.

Apparently, Becca, one of Eli's friends from preschool has been having talks with Eli on the playground recently. They consider each other to be "double friends" which is similar to BFF's but instead, between a boy and a girl. Ever since Becca kissed him at recess a few weeks ago, Eli has been smitten. Natalie mentioned that Eli and Becca were getting married in Hawaii, but that was news to me. The mother is always the last to know.

Some of my finest Mommie moments are when I just turn on the video camera and give the kids a topic. I had no idea where the conversation would end up, when I started filming Eli today. I had a hunch the topic of marriage would be blog worthy, I just did not fathom the magnitude.

Here is the video that led to some pretty deep thinking for this blogging Mommie.

This kid does not miss a beat. He processes EVERYTHING, including the brief comment from Jeff after watching a news story about gay marriage in San Francisco and the legalization of gay marriage in New York earlier this year. As you can tell from this video, we are open with our kids about the options available to them with regard to sexual orientation.

Both Jeff and I have not put gender bias into our parenting style- partially because we have a mixed gender set of multiples and partially because we have friends who have struggled with their Gay or Lesbian identity. Regardless of our personal choices, we put the minds of our kids first.

Keep in mind, I grew up in Kansas. I have vivid memories of seeing members of Fred Phelps and the Westboro Church picketing events in Kansas City. This was more than 25years ago, and I still can picture the innocent little kids holding up signs that were disturbing on so many levels. (God hates fags. Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve) Sadly, I can still see that hatred, word for word in my mind after all this time- how many signs can I recall verbatim after 25 years? Clearly, that is how much of an impact it had. I knew right then, that when I had my own kids, I would be open and honest about homosexuality and bigotry.

From the very beginning, we have offered CJ & Eli doll-like toys that would be considered "girlish" and we have encouraged Charlotte and Natalie to play with trucks and super heroes which are stereotypically designed for boys. That whole stereotypical thing is just not in our vocabulary over here. As if you needed clarification on that, since my boys have been dressed in pink shirts since birth?

Perhaps the willingness to let kids be kids is a benefit in letting them learn for themselves about their wants, desires, needs and future relationships. For now, we are just giving our young minds information- what they do with it from here is their choice.

This blog post has been brought to you by my conscience.


asrubin10 said...

more videos of Eli!!!! Love it!

Jennifer Jayhawk said...

I have seen Fred and his gang a few times in KC. I just wanted to get out of my car and scream at them (but I knew it would not help the situation). Working in the floral industry for years I lost many good friends to AID''s. To have them picketing at their funerals with their vile signs was overwhelming.

C said...

That's the kind of parent I hope to be :)
Thank you for restoring my faith, and reminding me that there are people out there who teacht heir kids to be open minded.

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