Saturday, August 6, 2011

The Uncle Silvan Situation

Last week, when Jeff and I were with Uncle Silvan, we begged him to shave his moustache. I begged, pleaded, bribed, threatened and shamed him into the idea that his moustache aged him and was dated.

You know the moustache is passe when you are mistaken for Frito Bandito and his burro while dining in a Mexican restaurant.

Here is my motivation for the removal of the stash. I was chomping at the bit to do some matchmaking for Uncle Silvan. When I showed the prospective date his photo, she visibly winced. Without wanting to seem shallow, she agreed he had potential- nice smile, good teeth, full head of hair, hot body- but she could not get past the facial hair. The facial hair was a deal breaker. When she said he looked like, "a 1970's porn star" I almost wet my pants.

With all this in mind, I actually bought a brand new Gillette Fusion razor at CVS (okay, so I did not really buy it, they paid me to take it with the sale price, manufacturer coupon and extra bucks promotion) and I brought it with me to Silvan's apartment. The plan was to get him drunk, have him pass out, and I would shave off the trash stash. My so called plan failed and Silvan still is sporting his full nose neighbor.

Of course, my kids are fascinated with Uncle Silvan's moustache. I am sure it is because he is the only person they know that has one- but whatever. Eli and CJ are constantly drinking chocolate milk and making themselves look like Uncle Silvan. Anytime they have a little schmutz under their nose and above their lip, one of the siblings will say, "Ha, Ha, you look like Uncle Silvan!" They love the man, and they are too young to know any better about the facial hair issue.

With all my hocking and draying about the matter, Uncle Silvan sought revenge on me. He sent the kids a special gift. He bought them each their very own, furry, stick on moustache. The choices were difficult to make, but each child selected their own style and sported them proudly for Uncle Silvan

and the blog this morning. There is something so sick and wrong about seeing a four year old girl with a dark moustache, but I will say, the children totally enjoyed themselves.

I am sure Uncle Silvan thinks this stunt will curb my enthusiasm for the old fashioned shaving session, but no, it will not. I am bound and determined to help change the world, one moustache at a time. I have the razor and I will travel.

So ladies- weigh in, will you? There is strength in numbers. You opinion counts. Please leave a comment with your unbiased viewpoint. Isn't it time we all gang up on Uncle Silvan and convince him that the time has come. Don't you think he is way more marketable clean shaven? I know he reads here, so let's give him something to ponder.

Who wants a date with Uncle Silvan after his 2011 transformation? Forget J-date, this blog is where it is at, pussycat.

I realize there are bigger problems in the world- but for now, let's all do our part to help the Uncle Silvan situation.


Lori said...

OK, I'm not in the market for a date, but I totally agree with you. The moustache is VERY dated and has to GO!

peacefrog said...

'stache MUST go.

Christian's Mom said...

I know a guy with a moustache (yep, he's single and ready to mingle), and for the life of me I can't figure out why he won't shave. I know literally no woman that likes a moustache! Even Tom Selleck looks better without his!

Mona Baker said...

shave it!

Leah said...

Very Magnum PI which was great in the....80's. Not looking for a date but the stache must go!

SWJF said...

I AM in the market for a date, and I find "Uncle Silvan" attractive- except for the moustache. Ewwwwww. At first glace I would reject him based on that alone. Shallow?? Probably yes, but I know what I like and I DO NOT LIKE GUYS WITH FACIAL HAIR.


SWJF said...

I AM in the market for a date, and I find "Uncle Silvan" attractive- except for the moustache. Ewwwwww. At first glace I would reject him based on that alone. Shallow?? Probably yes, but I know what I like and I DO NOT LIKE GUYS WITH FACIAL HAIR.


Nana said...

Love all the kids with their stick on moustaches. brings out the imp even more.
As for Sylvan, he would definitely look younger without the facial hair and yes probably more hip, BUT perhaps he has no desire to want to look "in". Any woman that would say she did not want to go out w/someone just because they had a moustache is even more superficial than some guys facial hair. A guy could have all the qualities that a woman is looking for , but she would miss the opportunity to discover that by deciding not to even meet him because he had facial hair, was bald, had a gut, etc, etc. Too bad that people can't see what really matters.  
Your very old fashioned mother

HOA Mgr Lady said...

What Nana Said! But keep working on him!

Shellie Rubin said...

I also agree with Nana. Surely the female could at least meet Silvan in person and give him a chance. Personally, I love male facial hair. My husband has had a moustache and beard for the 35 years we have been together.

Anonymous said...

Not sure what he would look like without one. Usually I think of men as wearing mustaches. His does seem really thick so maybe he should just trim it up and thin it out and see how that looks.

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