Saturday, March 26, 2011

An Update on Abbie Dorn and her triplets

It has been a while since I first posted about the outrage I feel/felt for my fellow triplet mother, Abbie Dorn. I knew there were recent stories about her court case because in the last three days, I had fifteen new comments on the post I wrote back in July of 2010. and the flurry of activity was the result of google searches to learn more about the updates.

I am pleased to update my own blog readers, Jewish women, triplet moms and anyone who has a heart. Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Frederick C. Shaller rejected the contention of Abbie Dorn's former husband that it is not in his children's best interest to see their "unfit" mother now. Shaller said in his temporary order that Abbie Dorn, who lives with her parents in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, must be able to see the triplets, who turn 5 in June, over five consecutive days each summer. The order also provides for a monthly online visit via Skype. While this is not an ideal situation, it is a step in the right direction, in my opinion.

The media is covering this story without the personal bias that I have. In all of the articles I have read, the facts are the same, but the comments underneath each web article are overwhelming. I can't imagine the pain the Cohen family experiences every day, yet alone the crazies that come with the media circus. For the most part, people all over the world are cheering for Abbie and her children to be reunited, allbeit under supervision, but every step, even baby steps are progress. Baby steps for now, since the Friday ruling is technically considered temporary, pending a full trial in the case.

"The court finds that even though Abbie cannot interact with the children, the children can interact with Abbie -- and that the interaction is beneficial for the children," Shaller ruled. "They can touch her, see her, bond with her, and can carry these memories with them."

Shaller ordered Dan to set up a shelf or table that is "open and available to the children 24 hours a day, 7 days per week in his home devoted to the children's mother" and to place photographs and other mementos of her on it.

"The children would benefit from having these photographs and important items as symbols for the presence and existence of their mother," Shaller wrote, "and it would reinforce in the children that [Abbie] is part of their lives."

All of these rulings are clearly what should have happened long ago, without the prompting of attorneys and judges. Since this is my platform to express my opinion, I firmly believe that had Dan Dorn had any shred of compassion he would have done these basic things on his own. I am sorry that it took a judge to convince him to do the right thing, but all along Mr. Dorn has made choices that I can not fathom on any level. Divorce? Child Support for her malpractice monies? Keeping the triplets away from their mother. Shudder!

This case is heart wrenching and painful in every way. I find myself tearing up at the thought of my children in a similar situation to hers. These circumstances could happen to anyone. Abbie Dorn was at Cedars Sinai, not some rinky dink hospital in a third world country. If nothing else, this case should bring an open discussion between couples on the what ifs. Planning for the worst and hoping for the best is my policy, and after you read about the Dorn case, I would bet it should be yours too.

Sadly, the outcome after the damage was done was at the sole doing of Abbie's husband. I have not walked in his shoes, but I can tell you that if the tables were turned, there is no way in hell I would make the same decisions he has made. The comments underneath my original post share the feelings and outrage from others, and help me see that I am not alone in my digust over how this "Orthodox Husband" has treated his former wife.

Of course all of this brings me to back to how lucky I am, and how blessed I feel to have survived my own high risk pregnancy and delivery. It does not hurt that I married a Jewish man with a heart of gold.

Clearly, this is a story that will not go away. This is only the beginning. I hope for additional updates and possibly more heart warming news as the triplets finally learn to know and love the mother that has loved them all along.

I can assure you, I will hug my own triplets a little tighter tonight!
Shabbat Shalom!

I have peppered this post with some of the google images that I found on line. While the facts speak volumes, I am a firm believer that putting a name with a face brings a certain power along with the words.


Bethany said...

Makes me thankful not only for my quads, but for the amazing man I married! How can this man (and I use the word loosely) be so horrid?! Thanks for sharing this story, Helene.

Michele S said...

I am so glad the judge ruled this way. Hopefully, once the real trial ends, she will get more time with the kids, only God knows what he's told them about her. Her husband is the lowest form of a human. UGH.

Lisa Ann Homic, M.Ed. D.C. said...

We could only hope how the touch and sound of her children would aid in her healing.

Sho said...

Helene, I agree with what you have written and my heart breaks for Abbie, her children, and her parents. The only issue I have is this sentence: ".....and help me see that I am not alone in my digust over how this "Orthodox Husband" has treated his former wife."

I am an Orthodox Jewish woman, and a speech-language pathologist who works with individuals similar to Abbie. Though I think Dan Dorn is wrong, I don't agree with him being singled out as Orthodox or that his Orthodoxy should have anything to do with this case. And as much as I believe Abbie has every right to her children, and that her children have every right to see her, I do understand (at least to some degree) Mr Dorn's opinion, though I strongly disagree with him.

My point is that this case is complex and has many layers. I just don't think his Orthodoxy should be one of them.

Respectfully yours,
A loyal reader

Helene Eichenwald Slutsky said...

Sho- I'm not critical of the orthodox at all. Rather I find it hypocritical to think that he calls himself orthodox when his actions are not family minded or putting his Childrens interests before his own agenda.

If he were catholic I would open fire too, it's a religious and holier than thou thing.

I'm sure he got the get from the Cohens and can officially move on.

Incognito said...

I wonder if anyone has thought about Abbie. If she had the choice would she want to live the rest of her life trapped in a body, whether conscious or not, where she can't communicate.

I know I wouldn't.

V said...

You people have no idea what you are talking about.

The Jewish community supports dad because he is a great father and was a loving husband.

Why don't you ask grandma how often she came to see her precious grandchildren. If she does not admit that years went by without one visit, then she would not be telling you the truth. She is not telling the press the truth either.

You should not believe the false statements she is trying to sell you, especially abuot the father of her grandchildren.

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