Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The TSA Checkpoint Rant, Thank you to Lady Gaga for paving my way!

When I fly the not so friendly skies, I am always amazed at the variances in rules as interpreted by TSA. Things change by location, screener, and day. Things are less than clear cut in the carry on do's and don'ts.

There seems to be a lack of common sense, a vengence against normal and an exception for the extreme.

How is it possible that Lady Gaga can parade through the security checkpoint at LAX wearing this get up,but I have to remove my cardigan sweater?

When did hand cuffs become less of a danger than my 2.2 ounce moisturizer? Given a bit of common sense, it would seem obvious that hand cuffs are more of a threat to the security at 35,000 feet than my blunt end tweezers and beauty treatments.

I will never forget when my sleeping infant triplets had to be roused from their car seat stroller and have their soft soled Robeez shoes removed. I was forced to walk through the screening machine holding all three 8 month olds at once since I was alone. Finally, after seeing me struggle the TSA supervisor made an exception and allowed me to walk them through one by one, placing them back in their stroller on the other side of the check point. It was the most ridiculous scene ever. So you can understand that seeing Lady Gaga prance through security like this,makes my blood boil.

Here is a list of items that have been taken from me, thrown away right in front of my eyes, or needed to be checked in my luggage:

2.2 ounce Obagi SPF sunfader creme
Tweezerman Blunt End Tweezers
Purell foam hand sanitizer (was 2.10 ounces)
embroidery scissors
C.O.Bigelow lip balms (I had three)
Aqua Di Parma cologne (forgot it was in my bag)
Propel fitness water
Brown Cow Yogurt (when taking the infant triplets to Tucson)

The absurdity of the whole thing makes me crazy. I would have totally gone ape shit, over the top insane if I had been in line with Lady Gaga and my Obagi moisturizer was confiscated while she brought hand cuffs aboard.

Did the folks at LAX have the Lady Gaga remove those less than travel sensible Alexander McQueen platform bootie heels? Where is the photo of her getting wanded and having her accessories in the plastic coin bins? My tennis bracelet is a no no but the bra, panties and solid gold dancer style jacket are okie dokie?

My rant is done. I feel better now.

Stay tuned for an update when I go through TSA in a week or so for my anniversary. Who dares me to throw a pair of hand cuffs in my Bottega Veneta bag? What about a humongous battery operated "novelty" toy? Ooopsie, I forgot those were in there. Any bets as to my confiscations of the cuffs and vibrating battery operated boyfriend?

No worries though, I put my Retin A in the my checked luggage.


Alice said...

Helene~I googled "slut" and I think you got the Slutsky's back in! Atleast it appeared that way to me.

Lada Gaga is ridiculous.

loren said...

forget the handcuffs... if you were TRULY daring, you would wear that whole outfit! LOL!!!

HOA Mgr Lady said...

OMGosh I was thinking the same thing... she had to have help with her outfit to get in and OUT of it. And we used to think Michael Jackson was strange? I'm disgusted by her flagrant outfit and ignoring of the rules by her handlers and also at the TSA for ignoring her or playing with her. Do we realy KNOW her? WHO exactly is Lady Gaga? She could be a plant or in that get up is she REALLY "LADY" (Notice use of quotes) ga-ga or barf barf? Who knows who lurks under all that crap. And while all eyes are on her what else is NOT being handled properly at LAX? Oh pleaseeeeeeeeee we need a role model.

Ali said...

Try flyinger internationally with a 4-year-old and 2-year-old triplets. Four planes each way and each one had different rules about how the kids were to be strapped into the seats with their airline-approved safety seats. ABSURD. THe when we arrive in the US of A they tell us that the kids have to go through security first. Really? Can the stroller go through before them so you have somewhere to put them? OH NO. WE CAN'T TOUCH YOUR CHILDREN. So as they pass through, one almost-two-year-old after another they start to bolt. Meanwhile our names are being called for our next flight and Zane is setting off alarms because he keeps accidentally hitting the scanner thing. Finally Bob gets through and starts running down escapees while I have to intentionally set off the scanner in order to go with Zane while they SEARCH him. (Again, at 23 months, what do they think he might be packing in that diaper?)
PHEW. It DOES feel go to get those rants out, doesn't it!?

Finnskimo said...

Ahh, I forget how crazy TSA is out in "America" since I live way up here above the Arctic Circle. Yes, we do have TSA, but we also have kids who hunt for a living and end up with bullets in their backpacks. My husband actually got THROUGH TSA here with a Double Bitted AXE in his backpack. It was in the bladder section of a Camelback backpack from hunting and he forgot about it. WHILE ON THE PLANE, he said to the flight attendant, "Oh, look what I forgot to take out of my hunting bag!" She then LAUGHED WITH HIM and said, "So, you want another beer?"

The end. I love TSA. Oh, wait, I don't but, up here, its not so bad!

Anonymous said...

Heck, forget the handcuffs, look at those shoe bombs!! Oh, and fuck the T-SS-A [sic]. Great job for pedophiles and men who can't find a lover... Which seems to the kind of people they hire.

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