Saturday, September 11, 2010

Eat, Pray, Love, Doze Off, then Go for Sushi

Today, I spent the afternoon doing something good for my soul. I went to the cinema solo. As in sans kids. As in, I met a friend and we saw Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love, (Doze Off, then go for Sushi)... Which is pretty much what I did.

If you’ve read “Eat Pray Love,” like half of the Earth’s population (thank you to Oprah's book club), you won’t be surprised by anything that happens in the movie. The film is adapted from Liz Gilbert’s book, but I would not know, because for the last five plus years, I have not had time to read anything longer than an article on Vajazzling!

Anywho, Julia Roberts hogs the screen with fancy back lighting, dewy make up, and sixteen new ways to style her ponytail, while traveling from Italy to India to Bali. I wish I looked as radiant and effortless at home yet alone on the road in the middle of Gawd knows where. Only in the movies would someone look this put together while schvitzing in a cab while driving through India, or while riding a bike through Bali. Thank you Hollywood.

The movie is like divorce court meets the travel channel and food network before switching to the re-runs of the Love Connection. I kept waiting for Chuck Woolery to say, "We will be back in Two and Two!"

Liz Gilbert's quest to find herself and understand God is a little boring on the big screen. Call me a heartless, materialistic bitch, but I likened the whole thing to a version of Sex and the City with Julia Roberts playing Carrie- instead of shopping for men and shoes, she was shopping for answers to the questions about healing her broken heart, and then finding love and spirituality. But Roberts, who, like Carrie Bradshaw, narrates Liz’s quest, makes the two hours and 15 minutes of eating, praying and loving just numbing enough. I was dozing off wondering when it would end. Feh.

Gimme the shoes and keep the mosquitos, ashrams and non air conditioned huts. This Jewish American Princess ain't buying fat jeans from eating carbs- even in Italy. I was like Eva Gabor in Green Acres as I watched Julia Roberts roughing it in Italy, India and Bali. In my head I was thinking,(cue the theme to Green Acres) "I get allergic smelling hay, I just adore a penthouse view, Dahling I love you but gimme Park Avenue." So my heart is with Carrie on this one, sorry Liz Gilbert. I am that American Woman you loathe.

Perhaps I would have enjoyed Eat, Pray, Love if I had in fact read the book. Instead, I spent the two and a half hours in the theater enjoying myself being in the theater. I would have watched paint dry if that is what was showing, but I escaped reality by watching Julia Roberts' character escape reality. Irony? Nahhh, just the truth.

Eat, Pray, Love turned into Eat, Pray, Love, Doze off and then go for sushi. It was fine by me.

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