Friday, July 30, 2010

Very Vajazzling Vaginas

Okay, now I am sure my google search hits are going to be off the charts, but seriously, with a title like this, you gotta read it, right?

So there is a new trend in grooming and beautifying, and apparently, waxing, anal bleaching, tatoos, piercings and vaginaplasty are out, and vajazzling is IN!

Nothing says welcome to my pubic region like sparkling crystals and whimsical motifs with bling.

If you watched the video you know I am not making this up. Here are some images I found on google.

The embellished vagina is a new fashion statement.

First, let me just say that I barely have time to shave my legs, yet alone do much else. Like I could just lay on the table while a stylist glues fancy crystals to my shaved puss- yeah, right. Can you imagine what kind of maintenance is involved in the upkeep of a vajazzled vagina?

What if you have an OB-GYN appointment? OMG, ewwww, I would have some explaining to do. Patient confidentiality my ass, I know it would be discussed all over town. Nice. I can hear the whispers now- that is the crazy lady with triplets and another baby- she has a vajazzled vajay jay you know.

Good lord, am I getting old or is this just silly?

I remember one time I used some kind of glittery shower gel by mistake. It took me a week to shed the shine and sparkle "down there" and I did not find the added effect to be especially sexy.

Maybe if I were single and showing my lady bits on a regular basis there would be some value added? An advantage over the competition perhaps? I have yet to meet any man who complained at the sight of a vagina, usually they are just glad to be invited into the area, now, we have to fancy it up?


Oy, if I came home and flashed Jeff a vajazzled vagina, he would laugh. He would point and stare and laugh his ass off.

If I told him it cost money to have it done he would be at the lawyers office filing for divorce.

I guess I will just keep my hoo ha the way it is. I am just boring like that. I believe this is one time when less is more.


Stephanie said...

This post has me cracking up! I don't get the appeal. I can't imagine spending money on something like that. People are truly crazy!

MommyLovesStilettos said...

I did it - I bought an inexpensive kit and did it myself in less than 10 minutes. My man loved it. I wouldn't do it all the time just because, but I think it's awesome here and there :) To each his own :)

Amy Thompson said...

F**king hilarious Helene!!! You crack me up....If I'm having a bad day I just need to read your blog and it ALWAYS puts a smile on my face!

Helene Eichenwald Slutsky said...

Amy- so glad I can be your source of entertainment...I am here to serve!

Michele S said...

What the hell? My vajazzles would be like a treasure hunt then. You would have to wade through the forest to find them. Seriously, how long would they last? Good God.

Anonymous said...

First of I the only one that thinks the one w all diamonds was a bit off center? I mean is her puss that tweeked? If I was going to the time,effort and money and THEN get it photographed, I think it would be vagdazzeled on straight! Just sayin'. Becky

Nothing shocks me anymore... said...

LMAO Becky.. I did notice and wondered too...

Anonymous said...

Do your kids look at this blog? Is that what you want them to see?

Helene Eichenwald Slutsky said...

Anon- My children do not look at the blog, they are too young to be unsupervised on the internet.

The older kids, who are 18 and 21 do look at the blog, and in fact were privy to this post.

Amanda actually thought the butterfly was cute. Her words not mine.

I am sure someday the younger kids will look at the blog start to finish. By then, they will be able to handle seeing vajazzled vaginas.

Sabrina said...

Yikes! I'm 28 and I'm too old for that. I think it's ridiculous.

Smirking Cat said...

These look...itchy.

The day men put even half what women do into how they look is the day I'll bedazzle my privates.

Anonymous said...

This really makes me laugh, especially remembering that you said your mom doesn't read your blog and only looks at the pictures! Babette

Helene Eichenwald Slutsky said...

Babette, I know, I know, maybe now she will be forced to read my schtick

Robbie said...

This is great! My wife and I think it would be HILARIOUS to get her Vajazzled right before the C-section. Something like "Thanks Dr A!" :) She'd never forget us, that's for sure.

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