Saturday, July 31, 2010

Kiddie Conversations

The triplets are so excited to start school again. We are all in serious countdown mode over here. Each day is one day closer.

Lately, he kids have been chatting up a storm. They have been playing all kinds of games and imaginary make believe scenarios. When I hear them, it cracks me up.

I caught Eli and CJ having an in depth conversation about kindergarten. They were discussing appropriate behavior and specifically, Eli said, "CJ, when you have to go potty in kindergarten, you just raise your hand and ask the teacher." CJ answered Eli and said, "E, I already know that!"

This week Charlotte had a bad dream. She woke up crying and went back to sleep. In the morning she was telling the other kids about the dream. I heard her describing a mean wolf. I asked her more about it, and she went on to say, "Yesternight, I dreamed about a bad wolf." It was hard for me to keep a straight face after she started the sentence with yesternight.

Natalie has a very vivid imagination. She is always the first one to begin the games like pretend restaurant. She will randomly come up to me and hand me a menu that she created with paper and crayon. When I order the food she asks appropriate follow up questions, like what dressing for the salad and if I do not specifically order a beverage she asks what I would like to drink. This girl does not skip a beat. While I was ordering my meal from her restaurant this week, Natalie asked me. " Would you like a martini with a green olive ma'am, that is what you had the last time you were here, I remember because you eat and drink here all the time."

I am documenting these conversations because they are precious to me. In the day to day shuffle and bustle I am always trying to burn these memories into my mind. Once they start school I am sure the gems will get more and more wise, but until then, I am really enjoying the moment.

23 days left until kindergarten.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Very Vajazzling Vaginas

Okay, now I am sure my google search hits are going to be off the charts, but seriously, with a title like this, you gotta read it, right?

So there is a new trend in grooming and beautifying, and apparently, waxing, anal bleaching, tatoos, piercings and vaginaplasty are out, and vajazzling is IN!

Nothing says welcome to my pubic region like sparkling crystals and whimsical motifs with bling.


If you watched the video you know I am not making this up. Here are some images I found on google.



The embellished vagina is a new fashion statement.

First, let me just say that I barely have time to shave my legs, yet alone do much else. Like I could just lay on the table while a stylist glues fancy crystals to my shaved puss- yeah, right. Can you imagine what kind of maintenance is involved in the upkeep of a vajazzled vagina?

What if you have an OB-GYN appointment? OMG, ewwww, I would have some explaining to do. Patient confidentiality my ass, I know it would be discussed all over town. Nice. I can hear the whispers now- that is the crazy lady with triplets and another baby- she has a vajazzled vajay jay you know.

Good lord, am I getting old or is this just silly?

I remember one time I used some kind of glittery shower gel by mistake. It took me a week to shed the shine and sparkle "down there" and I did not find the added effect to be especially sexy.

Maybe if I were single and showing my lady bits on a regular basis there would be some value added? An advantage over the competition perhaps? I have yet to meet any man who complained at the sight of a vagina, usually they are just glad to be invited into the area, now, we have to fancy it up?

GAWD!!!

Oy, if I came home and flashed Jeff a vajazzled vagina, he would laugh. He would point and stare and laugh his ass off.

If I told him it cost money to have it done he would be at the lawyers office filing for divorce.

I guess I will just keep my hoo ha the way it is. I am just boring like that. I believe this is one time when less is more.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Mothering Dilemma- So, tell me, what would you do?

Clearly this is a post that is in past tense, since the scenario has already happened. I have been racking my brain all day about what I witnessed this morning at the mall. I can't undo what has been done, but I am wondering, what would you do?

I had my very own mall rats at the indoor animal climbing play structure for over an hour.



They were completely enjoying themselves and were busy buzzing all over the place.

I was chatting it up with some other parents on the sidelines when we noticed a baby crawling out of the area and into the mall. This little girlie was no more than a year if that. She motored herself half way around the outside perimeter of the zone, yet no one went after her.

We were all OMG, who's baby is that? We split up from our chatty patty circle and one of us went to scoop up the girl while the rest of us asked questions of all the other parents. "We were all worried and scurrying around asking, "Is that your child?" You could hear the panic in our voices.

Seeing her crawl so far away, clearly unsupervised was really disturbing. Anyone could have snatched her up and ran off. We all know that malls are full of moms and perverts.

The baby was just outside Saks Fifth Avenue when one of us finally caught up with her. More than five minutes went by and no one had claimed the cutie. Then a panicked looking ten year old boy came over, grabbed the little one's hand, and shuffled her back into the tot lot. All the moms were aghast.

Just to put the area and ratio of space in perspective this is Natalie shown inside the play area.


You can see how far down the Mall it is to Saks Fifth Avenue. Can you believe that this baby just crawled away and got this far before the bad babysitting (brother?) noticed?

We could not believe someone would leave their baby in the charge of a ten year old boy, who clearly was not even paying attention. We thought perhaps the mom had a quick mall errand a few stores down but time went on and the boy was watching the baby girl. He was either completely ignoring her as she crawled down the mall, or he was acting inappropriately with her, like doing this:

After I filmed this I decided to confront the parent when they showed up to reclaim the kids. I planned to just let them know what I saw and make them aware. Obviously a concerned parent would have never left these two kids alone in the mall for so long, but regardless I wanted to spill the beans on the escape situation. That was just it though, no one ever showed up while I was there. I was there for AN HOUR!

ONE WHOLE HOUR.

The fellow moms and I were trying to determine what to do. I had to leave to pick up Argenida and I could not wait indefinitely for someone to show up. At the time I was leaving. We (as in the moms who were actually there) collectively decided to call mall security and alert them to the situation, and let them decide the appropriate course of action.

I am wondering what I could have done differently? This was not any of my business so to speak, yet it has tormented me all day. I have that motherly gene of panic and guilt, and this is a dilemma. Do any of you get put in these situations?

What do you do? How do you get over it in your own mind? Here it is 9:00 at night and 12 hours later I am still un-nerved. Gahhhhh!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Mutual Benefits-- I am a Slutsky

When it comes to being philanthropic I have good intentions. Lately, I have not been able to make financial contributions to my favorite causes, so instead, I have been donating my time and energy. Today, I donated what I would have spent on a haircut at the Aveda Institute, for the Women's Heart Health campaign at OSU hospital.

This fundraiser was a mutually beneficial event for Aveda's Beauty school, the hospital, and of course, MOI! I conned Argenida to coming too, since she is a my side kick in all adventures.

The advertisements said FREE HAIRCUTS for a Cause.So....How could I resist?

I was able to get the royal treatment at the campus Aveda location. As part of the haircut and blow dry, there was a hand renewal treatment with massage, a scalp and back/chair massage, herbal tea, and a mini facial with hot towels and moisturizing massage.





All deluxe services by the way. Very relaxing and calm.

This afternoon was the exact opposite of yesterday when I schlepped four kids to the zoo by myself. I needed this as a follow up to that.

The experience felt rich at a Fantastic Sam's price. Those cheap-o haircut places just cut hair and add fees for all other services. I always felt nickel and dimed, shampoo extra, blow dry extra, styling extra- blah, blah, blah. The institute is all inclusive and you get value for the money.

I did not mind that the technicians are students- they are closely monitored by the teacher, and it feels more like a salon than a classroom. In the grand scheme of things, I was really just getting my thinning hair trimmed up and cutting off the nasty ends, it was not a style overhaul by any means. We could have skipped the actual scissor part if I got chicken or did not feel comfortable with my stylist, but nahhhhh, it was fine. I figured if my hair got butchered, I could always start wearing my wig again.

Argenida and I had a grand time. We left feeling somewhat rejuvenated and special.We donated ourselves for the greater good and our small monetary contribution went to a cause that I can embrace.

The bottom line is that we sold ourselves out for free haircuts under the guise of being charitable. Fortunately, it was worth it. I am a Slutsky, right?

When it comes to my spa services and money, I am a huge fan of mutual benefits.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Are you HIGH?

While Argenida is at class all morning, I find myself taking the kids on various field trips. This early start to our day gets us up and out of the house before 8:30 in the summer. I try to plan outdoor activities for us, so we can benefit from the cooler temps and morning sun.

Today, I schlepped the fearsome foursome to the Columbus Zoo. Let's call this field trip 459, shall we?
We are finally stroller-less and it is so liberating. I used to take the little pink car with us on adventures and it served the purpose back in the day, but now, we are hands free baby! WOO HOO!

We caught a glimpse of our favorite animal exhibits and climbing sculptures.


The most anticipated creatures are always Charlotte's beloved penguins. She could spend all day viewing them waddle, swim, float and tease her through the glass.


This three year old girl is a little obsessed with penguins.

While I was watching my children, watching the penguins, another mom approached me. She had been surveying my kid scenario and saw me taking photos. I had a hunch the standard, "You've got your hands full!" was headed my way. Instead she asked the following series of questions:

Q: Are they all yours?
A: Yes

Q: You are not the day care person, you are their mother?
A: Yes

Q: And you are here by yourself, with four kids and no stroller, no wagon, no harnesses?
A: Yes, right

Then, she looked me square in the eyes and with the most serious tone she asked:

Q: ARE YOU HIGH?
A: (hysterically laughing) No, I am just crazy.

Welcome to my world folks.

26 days until school starts.

Monday, July 26, 2010

A Whole Foods Love Affair

They met across a crowded store. It was the awesome WHOLE FOODS in Dublin. Two souls. One Play Area.

Natalie was the one to begin the flirt. She approached this boy and kindly extended an invitation to play building blocks with her. She introduced herself by name, and then spelled it so he would know it for sure. This not quite 5 year old girl, was shamelessly smitten with her new found friend.

He was a 9 year old boy. Much like her mother, Natalie digs older guys. He had dark hair and was handy with the cardboard blocks. His name was Zane and was all to happy to be showered with attention. He was just as happy go lucky as all 9 year old boys, and did not pick up on Natalie's coy smile and head tilt. He was completely oblivious to her interest in him. There were towers to build after all.

I sat back with my delicious tall coffeeand observed this hilarious scene for more than half an hour.

They were even somewhat color coordinated- which kind of freaked me out. I had nothing to do with that part. Seriously.

They played, they built, they tore down and started over.

Then, just like that, he had to leave. Natalie was disappointed that he just left. She wanted him to stay longer. Then, in the most priceless tone she said." I wonder if he will call me for a play date?"

When I quit howling on the inside, "I said, no, no, sweetie, he won't. Get used to it."

It was a short lived, Whole Foods Love Affair.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Ding Dong Daddy

As much as I whine about Jeff and his lack of constructive child care practices, I must admit that there are times when I see him interacting with the kids, and I laugh. His parenting style is different than mine, and he tends to be less patient, less understanding and less engaged in their moments. We love him all the same.

Once in a great while he surprises me though. Today was one of those days. I caught him dancing and jumping to some kiddie music video on the television. I snuck in to get it on video for the family video archieves.

Aside from karate, this is his cardio.

(thanks to Lenny barking his head off at my camera, as soon as Mitchell realized I was filming, he promptly exited for fear of appearing in the blog)

Who cares if he is the oldesst daddio in the kindergarten class. He can still work it and get his heartrate up.

See kids, Daddy was not too old to act crazy and be weird when you were young. He was perfectly capable of playing at your level, he was just discreet about his ability to wow you.

Mommie secretly hopes that his clients will stumble upon this blog post, see him acting like a ding dong, laugh and realize how truly multi-talented Jeff Slutsky begin_of_the_skype_highlighting end_of_the_skype_highlighting can be.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Birthday-palooza

July is a busy month for us in the birthday department. We celebrate: Uncle Marc, Netanya, Nana, Amanda, Carly, Connor, Mitchell and Alejandro. There is a lot of card making, a ton of cake, and plenty of parties.

Today Connor hosted us for his fifth birthday party. Aunt Diane told me they were getting a bounce house in their backyard, so I used this as currency all week. Some might call this bribery and that is fine. Whatever works. All I can tell you is that when I say, "Only kids with good listening ears will be going to the party, or The children who follow directions will get to play in the bounce house at Connor's birthday party!" it is a genius move on my part.

The kids were in awe of the carousel bounce house.There eyes were as big as saucers when they realized they could go inside and jump. It was like a hundred degrees outside and about 115 in the plastic party place, so I rationed their time in the structure.

Connor modeled his crown that Eli made for him.



They were all to happy to alternate between jumping and demolishing any organization in Connor's play room. At one point, Natalie looked around and loudly announced, "Boy, it is a mess in here!" She is so tactful.

Even the older kids got a turn to jump inside the carousel. Mitchell and Justin shook things up



by bouncing the kids higher and higher with the sheer force of their body weight. It was fun to listen to the howling laughter as the cousins played so nicely inside the largest inflatable bounce house on the planet.

Between jumping and playing the kids cooled off in the water. They ran around, and alternated between getting sweaty inside the bouncer, and splashing themselves silly.



We even got a decent photo of the 6 Silly Slutsky cousins, age 5 and under.

The Pinata was filled with candy and silly bandz. These highly collected rubber band bracelets are the rage you know.
I just wish I had thought of them. I scratch my head in awe to paying $4.99 for a package of twelve animal shaped rubber bands. I missed the boat on this fad. I do not get it, but I can tell you, that the kids are coo-coo for these cheap rubber gizmos.

We are Slutskys, so yes, there was plenty of BBQ, Cake, Ice Cream and fixings. We hung out and gabbed, the kids played and CAKE BOSS was on the big screen tv. It does not get any more fun than that.

As we pulled out of the driveway, CJ exclaimed, "That was the best birthday party I ever went to!"

Enough said.

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The older crowd
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