Monday, March 15, 2010

I am an Enabler

My husband has one bad habit. A vice if you will. As his wife, I support him in all things. Even when his habit is evil and vile, I look the other way- his habit is diet coke.

I am against all products nutrasweet, splenda, and artificially sweetened. I believe that these substances are harmful and just plain rotten. When Jeff and I got married I tried (in vain) to break him of this horrible habit. I decided right then and there to give him the facts and let him decide to quit. It has been 7.5 years and he is still hooked.

It is really hard for me to complain about his friend, Diet Coke. Of all the really miserable things Jeff could be doing, in the grand scheme of things, diet coke is not a deal breaker. For me, smoking, chewing tobacco, taking prescription drugs recreationally, whoring around with women, lying, cheating and getting piercings would be a serious deal breaker. Diet Coke and I co-exist and I tend to look the other way.

Today, I became an enabler. As much as I hate to contribute to a bad habit, I must admit a promise is a promise. I promised Jeff to keep him stocked with a stash of his precious diet coke, and he vowed to be faithful in sickness and health. It is in our kettubah. (Jewish marriage contract)

When I saw the circular advertisement from Kroger this afternoon, I felt obligated to enable Jeff's vice. Diet Coke for .79 a 2 liter bottle is all it took.

I recruited Nana and Papa in my shopping scheme.We filled three carts with 137 bottles of Jeff's liquid elixir. You should have seen the folks at Kroger- they were mesmerized as we rolled up to the check out. The cashier asked if we owned a restaurant. No, I do not own a restaurant but I serve 9 people three meals and several snacks a day, does that count?

This is my van loaded to the max with Diet Coke.

I filled the rear cargo space, the car seats and part of the floor with those 2 liter bottles. I know that as an enabler I totally rock. Most enablers would give the addicts a fix, no, not me- I am a over achiever. I go for maximum recklessness.

The real burning question for me is: Should I visit a few more Kroger's tomorrow and go completely nuts? Who needs a membership at a gym when you can schlep groceries 5 days a week or more?

As a loving and doting wife I make sure my husband's needs come before my own. (cough, cough, cough) Clearly, Jeff Slutsky married the perfect woman for him.

You can now officially add enabler to my list of job titles.


April said...

Wow, that is a lot of soda!! So let me tell you a story. My mom remarried 2 years ago. Her husband drinks an entire 2 liter a day, or more. He doesn't exercise, loves sweets and junks, eats mcdonalds for lunch everyday. He's 60 years old, about 6 ft tall or so, and thin, but not too thin, probably 180-190lbs. He looks healthy, and is naturally just kind of hyper/ocd-ish. My mom is very fit, tries to eat well, etc. So her hubby hadn't gone to the doctor for like 15 years for a checkup. She was getting onto him about the soda and wanted him to get a checkup, to "prove" her point. Well basically when the results came back the doctor put "EXCELLENT health", and on all tests he met or exceeded what they like to see. So now she leaves him alone about diet, exercise and soda! What can she say right? Haha. Wish there was Kroger here so she could stock up for him! Anyways, sorry this is so long! I agree totally with you though, there are MUCH worse vices!

Shellie said...

Great buy but in terms of buying more I am not sure how long the shelf life is of Coke 2 liter products (my sister-in-law retired from Coke). You might want to call Coke and ask.

How about stories or pictures of the other kids and their "day with Nana and Papa"?

Hope all are well there.

Helene Eichenwald Slutsky said...

Sadly 137 bottles split between the home and office is about a 100 day supply. Some of Jeff's employees drink from his supply, but on average he consumes at least a 2 liter a day. ewwwwwww

Kirsty S said...

I just want to know if you sent him out to the car to "Go grab the stuff I bought for you at Krogers" or if you just had it piled in the kitchen? The look on his face would have been a laugh!

Helene Eichenwald Slutsky said...

Actually Kirsty, I did both, I unloaded the portion that was to stay at home and I stacked it in the garage. I was outside walking Lenny when he got home, so I clicked clicked beep beeped the rear door to the van and asked him to help me unload it. He about passed out with glee.

Today I have to drive to the office and off load about 85 bottles- again, no need for a gym membership.

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