Thursday, February 25, 2010

My Job Description(s)

In the multiple moms world, there are too many job titles to pinpoint all the tasks and services we regularly do. There are catch-all phrases and fluffy titles but nothing really accurately describes all the jobs needed to get through a day, a week, a month, a childhood, or in my case; two, or three, or four childhoods.

My facebook momma friends and I had this discussion recently, and if we were to list all of our job skills in resume style form, the list would be mind boggling. Some of us have more on our plate than others, but I would double dog dare anyone who held a full time job outside their home to top the multiple moms multi-tasking mantra.

My own list includes but is not limited to:

child care supervisor
fertility consultant
ESL teacher
travel agent
film critic
school bus driver
health insurance claims litigator
gluten free chef

Au Pair Host Parent
Chez Ami sales rep.
diet coke inventory manager

nail technician
dog walker
coupon clipper
EBay business owner
party planner
Internet sleuth
personal shopper
hair stylist
computer/television/DVR operator
wardrobe consultant
medical records achiever
sleep therapist
cell phone bill decipher-er
stain remover

coffee barrista
grocery getter
dating coach
interior designer
gift wrapper
school volunteer
gluten free flour broker
restaurant critic
wig stylist

carpet cleaner

college admissions application advisor

I added a new profession to my own resume earlier today. Eli was sniffing some new scented crayons when he managed to inhale half of a yellow crayon. The nib was stuck up there and I could barely see it. He snorted that sucker way up into the nasal cavity. His nostril was already bleeding from the pressure of the foreign object so I had to act quickly.

Fearing the $25 co-pay and germs in any waiting room this time of year, I sucked it up (pardon the pun) and surgically tried my own hand at excising the crayon. My best $40 Nordstrom super duper tweezerman tweezers could not reach or grab the lodged coloring stick, so I resorted to plan b. I pinched off the right nostril, and had Eli blow really hard.
After ten minutes of this Mac Gyver Mommie drill, he blew that sucker clean out of there like a cannon. There was a huge sigh of relieffrom both of us. I am now an amateur ENT, or at the very least an emergency nasal cavity excavator.

Removing the snotted and bloody crayon was so gross that I could not eat a thing for the rest of the day. Apparently, at the rate things are going, my kids will be adding appetite suppressant to their own job descriptions.

Feel free to add to my list if you think of something I missed. It is a work in progress.


Lori said...

I'd like to add chief procurement officer and stock person. For instance, if I don't buy the toilet paper and actually stock the bathrooms we all have a problem.

Finder would also be on my list because goodness knows my kids never seem to be able to find anything without my help.

飛機 said...

Happy New Year~..................................................

Blog Archive

The older crowd

The older crowd
Amanda and Mitchell

A blast from the past...makes it all so real now