Saturday, February 27, 2010

The Preschool Purim Parade

Everyone loves a parade! The annual preschool Purim costume party and hallway parade was a success. My monkey, red eyed tree frog and honey bear woke up at 5:30 a.m. and could not contain their excitement. I on the other hand, just wanted a few precious moments of Purim peace and quiet- at least until daybreak.

Here are the highlights of Purim 2010.



Do you like my costume? I went as a Jewish Mommie from New Albany. My TJ Maxx dress (size XL, thank you very much Kim) and black boots rocked the Purim parade. I was totally all over it.

My little tree frog was very popular with the Fairy Princess Remy. She tried and tried



to kiss him hoping he would turn into a handsome Prince. I would like to just put an end to this right now by saying, they lived happily ever after, but no such luck. He is still smittenwith the adorable Super Girl, Lielle. The girls did look darling all decked out in their finest costumes.It is hard to beat mermaids, princesses, and super girl when you are 4 years old and fearless. My personal favorite was Velmafrom Scooby Doo. Seriously, have you seen anyone look this cute in a costume?

At various times during the day I found Eli and Natalie being really kind to one another. I looked back while driving and saw themlovingly holding hands. Then, at school, they totally hugged for the camera

and were being so sweet. I know this is a phase- I am not stupid. I did however, capture the moment for my own personal satisfaction. I am sure someday when they are at each others throats, I can refer back to these tender times with the fondest of four year old memories.

So for Purim we did all the traditional celebrating, complete with Gluten Free Hamantaschen, costumes and groggers. I just need a good nights rest so that I can tackle the big Purim finale: The Purim Carnival. Would it be totally tacky to attend the carnival dressed as a Yoga Mommie carrying a Venti Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte?

Thursday, February 25, 2010

My Job Description(s)

In the multiple moms world, there are too many job titles to pinpoint all the tasks and services we regularly do. There are catch-all phrases and fluffy titles but nothing really accurately describes all the jobs needed to get through a day, a week, a month, a childhood, or in my case; two, or three, or four childhoods.

My facebook momma friends and I had this discussion recently, and if we were to list all of our job skills in resume style form, the list would be mind boggling. Some of us have more on our plate than others, but I would double dog dare anyone who held a full time job outside their home to top the multiple moms multi-tasking mantra.

My own list includes but is not limited to:

child care supervisor
fertility consultant
ESL teacher
travel agent
film critic
school bus driver
health insurance claims litigator
gluten free chef
florist

Au Pair Host Parent
Chez Ami sales rep.
blogger
diet coke inventory manager

matchmaker
nail technician
dog walker
coupon clipper
EBay business owner
party planner
laundress
Internet sleuth
personal shopper
hair stylist
computer/television/DVR operator
wardrobe consultant
medical records achiever
sleep therapist
scrapbooker
cell phone bill decipher-er
nutritionist
stain remover

coffee barrista
Gardner
pharmacist
educator
grocery getter
librarian
banker
dating coach
psychologist
cheerleader
dietitian
tutor
interior designer
gift wrapper
storyteller
seamstress
school volunteer
gluten free flour broker
photographer
restaurant critic
wig stylist

locksmith
carpet cleaner

college admissions application advisor

I added a new profession to my own resume earlier today. Eli was sniffing some new scented crayons when he managed to inhale half of a yellow crayon. The nib was stuck up there and I could barely see it. He snorted that sucker way up into the nasal cavity. His nostril was already bleeding from the pressure of the foreign object so I had to act quickly.

Fearing the $25 co-pay and germs in any waiting room this time of year, I sucked it up (pardon the pun) and surgically tried my own hand at excising the crayon. My best $40 Nordstrom super duper tweezerman tweezers could not reach or grab the lodged coloring stick, so I resorted to plan b. I pinched off the right nostril, and had Eli blow really hard.
After ten minutes of this Mac Gyver Mommie drill, he blew that sucker clean out of there like a cannon. There was a huge sigh of relieffrom both of us. I am now an amateur ENT, or at the very least an emergency nasal cavity excavator.

Removing the snotted and bloody crayon was so gross that I could not eat a thing for the rest of the day. Apparently, at the rate things are going, my kids will be adding appetite suppressant to their own job descriptions.

Feel free to add to my list if you think of something I missed. It is a work in progress.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Funky Mama can SING!

How many times have I given a shout out to my kids favorite female musician? I am usually "complaining" about the demands my children make when we are driving in the van, of course, their demands are to have Funky Mama playing loudly on CD. I actually hope they want to listen to Funky Mama because if I have to endure the whining of Caillou, the Latina Diva Dora or That Bossy Bunny, Ruby and that dope of a brother Max, on the in van DVD player, I might just need more medication. In other words, Funky Mama is a sound we can all agree on. While this may seem like a negative, reverse psychology review, it is not. My kids and I are FUNKY MAMA GROUPIES!

Those of you with a car or van full of youngins know, when the kids want their own music it means there is a chance they are going to be engaged, singing along and somewhat content while the vehicle is in motion. When this music is both appealing to the driver and the passenger that is an added Godsend.
Enter Funky Mama. The sound of Patsy Cline meets Melissa Ethridge with lyrics geared for the car seat set. I can rock out while driving, as if it were Bon Jovi, and no one has to know that I am singing with Funky Mama about playdates, banana foster, gimme sugar and other silly stuff. The sound I love, the lyrics my kids can relate to, it is a win-win on CD.

We have had FUNKY MAMA SING!
for a week and it already been played 157 times. Okay, so maybe I am exaggerating, it is been enjoyed 134 times. You get my point. My kids can't get enough of the Funky Mama stuff. Now, your kids can get the new CD courtesy of Funky Mama herself. Just leave a comment at the end of the this blog post and tell me what your favorite musical clip is- just click on the link to the Funky Mama website, and you can listen to short excerpts of the tracks. I will select a random winner next week and send the lucky reader their own copy of the CD.

Don't be shocked if you and yours have the sudden urge to don some ruby red sketchers, and cruise on down the highway, I'm just sayin.

Funky Mama can SING!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Gluten Free Chicken Parmesan and Spaghetti in 22 Minutes

This is the perfect gluten free meal made in less than 22 minutes. Thanks to your own marinara or gluten free jarred pasta sauce and the Bell and Evans Gluten Free Chicken Tenders (Costco) you can make this dinner faster than the time it takes to order a pizza. Follow the steps in order to assure you are multi-tasking correctly.

Ingredients:
Gluten free spaghetti
Marinara Sauce
Chicken Tenders
Parmesan Cheese for Sprinkle


Pre Heat your oven to 375 degrees. Fill your pasta pot with the correct amount of water and bring it to a boil. While you are waiting for the water to boil, assemble the frozen chicken breast tenderloins in a pyrex baking pan. Heat 2 cups of sauce in the microwave until hot, and heat the remaining 4 cups of sauce on the stove next to the water. Spoon the hot sauce over the frozen chicken so that it is only partially covered. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese
then seal with foil and bake at 375 degrees for 20 minutes. Cook the pasta to aldente, then rinse under cold water to stop the cooking and keep the pasta from getting mushy. Drain well. Combine the pasta and sauce and toss to coat. Plate the spaghetti and remove the chicken from the oven.Check to be sure it is cooked through (this brand of frozen chicken tenders are uncooked) before placing the fillets on top of the pasta. Serve with a garden salad or broccoli and garlic.

My kids


inhale this meal and it is so easy. The leftovers freeze great, especially in individual ziploc freezer containers. You can zap one as needed for lunch or when the gluten free diner needs to take a meal on the go.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Toilet Troubles Part Two

For those of you that have multiples younger than mine, STOP READING THIS POST RIGHT NOW. You have been officially warned to close the page and move along. For my readers with multiples older and wiser than mine, feel free to read along and reminisce about the past. Laugh with me if you like, I am your entertainment, I know, I know.

On New Years 2010 our CJ flushed a plastic toy scoop down my master bathroom toilet reeking havoc on my holiday. We discussed this problem at great length with all the kids and they had a firm understanding that flushing anything that was not pee, poop or toilet paper is strictly forbidden. When asked if we were clear, all of them replied, "CRYSTAL!"

Fast forward to last week, when the toilet in Argenida's bathroom was flushing slowly and pardon my pun, it was flushing half assed. Sometimes it took two flushes, sometimes it needed a plunger and other times it was a total loss. We poured a couple gallons of bleach down the drain hoping it would eat away at any clogs, but alas, no such luck. We suspected foul play.

Thankfully, our same savior, Mark the handyman, came to the rescue.

He removed the entire toilet from the base, and discovered the culprit. Two pencils had been flushed down the toilet, making it passed the pee trap and into the pipe below the surface. He could see the pencils but could not reach them. There was no way to get them out shy of replacing the unit all together.

Mark did not give up and while I was pricing new Kohler commodes, he gave it some serious plumbing effort. This was a job for Mac Gyver plumbing. Using a needle nose pliers, a wire coat hanger, and persistence, Mark managed to wrangle the pencils out of the pee trap, freeing the waste water to go where it should. We dodged the $389 replacement unit and ended up having to just replace a few minor parts. WHEW, TOTAL SIGH OF RELIEF.

In the process, I learned that Kohler toilets are really expensive. I learned that CJ has a mind that is curious about how things work and where stuff goes- and he likes fixing problems by creating more problems. I swear this kid will either channel all of this energy into engineering or he will be in prison for vandalism.

It is a phase I am told. My friend Michele has been here, done this numerous times. Fortunately she did not marry a Jewish businessman. Her husband does this stuff himself, including changing the brakes on her minivan. I am a little jealous of that, I admit it. There are serious advantages to having a nice, generous, caring, loving and wonderful Jewish husband, but repair work and plumbing projects are not one of them.

I consider toilet troubles to be the least of my worries these days. I keep telling myself that if it can be fixed with money, it is not really a problem. My Jewish husband just scoffs and laughs at me, he says as long as I have the money I am right. He is constantly reminding me that the real problem is that we do not have an unlimited resource of money. So I guess my thinking needs to be flushed, as I shell out a hundred bucks here and there to Mark "Mac Gyver" the Handy Man.

If we are keeping count, this is the second plumbing service call of 2010. Toilet Troubles, Post #2. Oy Vay- I am hoping this is the last.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

The Real Housewives and Husbands of Franklin County- The Dinner Party Reunion

The Real Housewives of Franklin County hosted a dinner party reunion last night. This was our first gathering of all the most popular members since Memorial Day Last year! We were so overdue.

It was one of those evenings where the cocktails and wine poured as we gabbed endlessly with great storytelling and talk of the latest adventures. The RHOFC dress code was NOT observed as most of the housewives wore (GASP!)vivid and bright color. Our traditional uniform; of some form of a black top over True Religion jeans, was tossed aside, and we donned our own choices without prior consultation of the others. It was shocking.

The evening began with yummy cocktails and getting all caught up. The Real Husbands chatted about all things business, sports and more business- but that is how they roll. The Real Housewives sipped their libations while they talked about anything but sports or business.

We all posed for these memorable photos and continued about our date night. The men were only MILDLY annoyed- I think they are just getting used to the demand to be photographed for the blog. The blog, the god dammed blog they mutter under their single malt scotch fragranced breath.

Our group of nine was crammed around a table for eight. Thankfully, I am the heftiest of the women, so all the rest of the size 2 skinny bitches** had ample elbow room. We sat for a four course gourmet feast that took F-O-R-E-V-E-R to be served. We were seated at eight o'clock and tapped our fingers on the tablecloth for 45 minutes before
the salads made their appearance. They were delicious but I wondered if it was because we were starving, and prairie dust would have been good, or because they were indeed worthy. No telling.

We did not get our entrees until 9:45- because the service was so painfully slow. So when the meal arrived, there was a moment of silence as we crammed fork fulls of these amazing dishes into our mouths.


We were all a little sad that the service was so "feh" because the meal itself rocked our world. If the wait staff and bartenders were as fine as the cuisine, it would have been an impeccable dining experience. Don't worry folks, I intend to speak up in a letter to the manager- not so much a complaint as a heads up on how to improve for our next visit. Fortunately for the restaurant, we were not being captured real time for Bravo, because it would have been bad for business. Really bad.

I have seen the Real Housewives of Orange County in their dining adventures, and it appears as if those women do not eat. They peck and nibble at best. I'm proud to report that Real Housewives of Franklin County order and eat dessert.



We are a group of savvy ladies that enjoy a nice sweet ending to an evening with our favorite people. We shop the True Religion outlet at Sawgrass and we stock up on all three sizes** of our coveted jeans- skinny, normal and after dinner sizes. Since we buy them at 2/3 off retail, we buy all three sizes, just to be safe.

Nothing makes a night more special than sharing with your friends
and partners in crime, oh yeah, and the real husbands too. If there is one bond all of us have, it is the sincere appreciation for our guys.While they piss us off from time to time, there is not a single one of them that wouldn't stop a bullet for us. They love us unconditionally and vice versa. When it comes to real husbands, the Real Housewives of Franklin County have little if any drama in that department.

As the evening ended we vowed not to wait so long for our next official outing. The Real Housewives of Franklin County and their fans can be assured there will be more episodes in the near future.


**THE LANGUAGE USED AND TERMS REVEALED ON THIS BLOG ARE FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY, AND THE AUTHOR TAKES SOLE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER WORDS. SHE MEANS THEM IN THE KINDEST MANNER. I LOVE THE RHOFC AND HAVE NOTHING BUT LOVELY INTENTIONS.

THANK YOU,
THE QUEEN

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