Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Shiloh Jolie Pitt to wed Caleb James Slutsky

It is a match made in heaven. The "biological" {SHUDDER} child of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie is the perfect match for my son. After all they have soooo much in common. Both of their moms are married to sex symbols, and both of the kids are part of a large, crazy, family. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and Caleb James Slutsky are as cute as they can be and their interests are quite similar. Both play with toys and love to travel. I have a hunch CJ could handle Shiloh's action packed whirlwind lifestyle and when it comes right down to it, girls just want someone to make them laugh, and we all know CJ is a little comedian.

I guess my thoughts about this little matchmaking project came to fruition this afternoon when CJ lost his front tooth.

It seems as though he has not lost it because of his age but because it suffered a trauma about a year ago and has since fallen out root and all. Those dang playgrounds are not so soft on teeth when you bang into them. He is now missing his front tooth and could care less.

His future bride has the same gap toothed grin and likewise has lost her tooth prematurely.
The poor baby has had the paparazzi chasing her since birth but now with all the media hype about her missing tooth, she is a superstar and she is on the cover of every tabloid on the planet. What is a parent to do?

Aunt Rachelle suggested I surf the Internet regarding a show called, Toddlers and Tiaras-- a "reality" show about the child porn, whooooops, I mean pageant circuit. Apparently you can get fake teeth called FLIPPERS, a retainer like mouth appliance that slips over your child's current crooked smile. I had never heard of such a thing and wondered how my blog readers would feel about this:

As if my son needs Miss America looking big white teeth? If I had planned on entering my boy in a pageant I would have bigger issues than his need for cosmetic dentistry. Do not watch this TLC train wreck of a show lest you become a whack job at pimping your kids for the all mighty dollar like Jon and Kate, the Duggars and now, stage moms.

I suppose it is too early to set the date for the nuptials of CJ and Shiloh, but in the meantime, I can't help but wonder if Brad and Angelina are going to fix Shiloh's tooth. I can assure you CJ will be sporting his current grin for a good long while.

PS- I purposely called Shiloh the biological child of the Pitt-Jolie to illustrate how awful it is that she is always called that in the press. Essentially all the Jolie-Pitt kids are THEIRS but yet every time they mention Shiloh she is branded and labeled. When she becomes my daughter in law I will be the ambassador for her brand image & marketing and I will set the world on fire trying to educate the ignorant.


Michele S said...

Good Lord. Mine are SUPPOSED to be losing teeth now and we don't even have a wiggle over here. So does get the tooth fairy routine?

Helene Eichenwald Slutsky said...

Since this is the result of a mouth to a metal pole about a year ago, instead of the tooth chipping or turning black, it just died over time and now has fallen out.

I am not sure I want to reward this with a tooth fairy because my other monkeys will be so envious they might yank each others teeth out for the prizes.

I have no idea how much to pay per tooth anyhow, and I am sure as hell NOT ASKING THE BARBIE MOMS. I bet you get a real cell phone or a Gucci handbag when you lose your first tooth in New Albany....grrrrr

Bridgette Stewart said...

I think their name should be "C'Jiloh" Pitt Slutsky. Move over Bradjolina.

O'Brien Bunch said...

Fake teeth---fake hair---fake tan---fake smiles (she's smiling on the inside.) Nice.

How do you say: dumbass parent's, in Spanish?

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