A few questions and answers about the Duggar family, because I. Just. Can't. Leave. It. Alone. I am sure if I used aqua net on my bangs and wore a long to the ground jeans skirt, I might be getting Duggar Dialogue instead of Gosselin Gab when out in public. Alas, it is time to play questions and answers...who is ready?
Q: How do Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar plan to afford college tuition for all 19 children?
A: Not a problem! Well, at least not for their female offspring. The Duggars have adamantly maintained that their daughters will not be permitted to attend college. Instead, the girls are home-schooled (their curriculum seems to feature a healthy dose of child rearing, cooking and cleaning). This lack of formal education might be a blessing in disguise, since even the most remedial math course might lead the Duggar girls to figure out that their mother has been pregnant for 12 of her 42 years. Yowza. And as for the boys, well, they probably can already add up that Daddy and Momma use two cans of aerosol hairspray a week at $3.50 a can.
Q: While Michelle pursues her career as a full-time fetus factory, what sort of work does Jim Bob do to put bread on the table?
A: Jim Bob (no shit, that's really his name), is a former Arkansas state representative (the same legislative body once passed a motion to pray for H L Mencken’s soul after he called the state "The Apex of Moronia") and the Lah, lah, LOSER of a 2002 bid for U.S. Senate. He currently works as a real estate agent (and we all know how lucrative that market is right now) and owns several commercial properties.
Of course there are the fine folks at TLC who choose to film this family freak show and pay for finalizing the construction of their home, oops, I meant, compound, errrr, home, no wait, I mean Church. (see below)
Taxes are not an issue, as the Duggars have had their home declared a church. No word as to whether or not Jim Bob refers to his penis as "The Steeple." One thing is for sure though, between the sheets someone is praying to God and is moaning, Oh God, Oh God, Oh Jesus! Oh Baby, Oh Baby, Oh God, Oh Jesus.
Q: Do all of the Duggar childrens' names really begin with the letter "J"?
A: Does an Arkansas man named Jim Bob shit in the woods? In addition to Jordyn-Grace, there are Joshua, 20; Jana, 18; John-David, 18; Jill, 17; Jessa, 16; Jinger, 14; Joseph, 13; Josiah, 12; Joy-Anna, 11; Jeremiah, 9; Jedidiah, 9; Jason, 8; James, 7; Justin, 6; Jackson, 4; Johannah, 3; and Jennifer, 1. and now, #19 is on the way!
Future baby names are likely to include Jeewhiz Jim BOb Fathered another Duggar, Jumping Jee-hosifat Duggar, Jeeezus Christ enough already Duggar and finally, Justonemore Duggar.
Q: I read that Jim Bob called his newest daughter "the ultimate Christmas gift from God." Is this true?
A: No. The ultimate Christmas gift from God is a 60" Plasma Screen Tv From Costco and a vasectomy.
Q: Was #19 a planned pregnancy? (roll eyes and laugh hysterically here)
A: Even after having eighteen real life experiences to notice the tell tale signs, Michelle says this pregnancy came as a shock.(this is where I say, gimme an effing break)“I was on Weight Watchers and I wasn’t losing any weight,” she says. “I couldn’t figure it out. I was doing what I should. I’m not cheating on my diet, I should be losing weight.’ OMG....DUH? A Rocket Scientist she is not.
Michelle decided to take a home-test to be sure, and a few seconds later her problem was solved. “I told Jim Bob and he couldn’t keep it in. He was so excited,” she recalls. “The kids were outside and we had to share the news. There was all this screaming and yelling.” and then there was a media circus, a few calls to a PR firm, and the reality that their first grandchild would be older than one its' aunts or uncles and plans for a videotaped road trip vacation called 19 and counting, the journey to repopulate Arkansas. Only in the Ozarks- I seriously could not make this shit up.
Q: Doesn't this story get old every year when the Duggar's announce another "blessing?"
A: Awwww, hell no, it is not old news, according to the baby daddy, the miracle of life never gets old! Tell that to Michelle's uterus! That poor thing has been holding up a white flag since baby #10 and nobody is listening. When baby #19 is about to come somersaulting out, Michelle's uterus is going to grab hold of the forceps while screaming "TAKE ME WITH YOU!" The uterus and cervix of steel are going to retire taking some ovaries and tubes as hostages. PUHLEEZ, it is NEWS people, news and entertainment all rolled into one.
Fortunately for my readers, I do not judge and I reserve the right to use others pleasure and pain for my blog entertainment. This is just too good to pass up. I swear I am not jealous, spiteful or mean spirited, I am just one of those evil Jewish Educated women you might read about if you went to college. Got any other questions?
- ► 2011 (275)
- ► 2010 (313)
- Double Date night
- Hakuna Matata, that means no worries for the rest ...
- Day of Atonement
- A Solo Debut from Natalie
- Incredible Gluten Free Onion Rings
- Free Cold Stone Ice Cream on Thursday September 24...
- 15 Years Difference
- Just as I predicted
- Proof that they had fun
- Times Flies when you are Having Fun and We are Hav...
- Rock Stars and Models
- I can't make this stuff up
- The Silly Slutsky Quartet now playing at Village S...
- Look out Danica Patrick
- So Much to Say So Much to Do
- UPS Update
- Stress??? What Stress, this is just everyday life...
- NAH NAH to ZHU ZHU pets
- What is with all the public display of agression?
- Chuck E. Cheese
- Fall is Finally Here
- New Gluten Free Items at Trader Joe's
- Moms of Multiples Know How to PARTY
- Let's Play Questions and Answers about the Duggar ...
- ▼ September (24)
- ► 2008 (221)