Monday, August 10, 2009

I need more pain meds, a pool boy and some questions to answer

Almost everything I wanted to say and blog about has not made any sense. My mind is all over the place, I am plethora of useless information while I am high on pain meds. I am not wearing my contacts and while I was in the hospital someone dripped Popsicle on top of this keyboard- so I am typing my rambling verses half blind on a keyboard that drops R and S and sticks with F and T. You must really whack the W and M for any form of keystroke. Just keeping it real. Nice huh. Welcomes home to me.

I got some amazing Hawaiian Flowers from my ghost writing husband
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Between these slippers and a Jack Russell Terrier our hard surface floors have a shot staying clean for about 45 seconds- Brilliant!

Since I feel as though I am on borrowed time of pain med happiness fog, (tick tock before I tucker out)I will give you my final Shout out! Can you drink Vodka Martinis before bed if you are taking copious amounts of oral meds? Back in college we could drunk dial people and say all kinds of stupid and mean things, then next day blame it on the booze. The Internet, God Bless It has added a whole other forum for this kind of behaviors. I better log before I spout off and regret it. Just kidding- or not.

Tomorrow I will be lucid enough to answer questions so leave me a comment and tell me wotcha wanna know. I will start with a question from the husband- "How much longer until the coast is clear with the violent farting? When can we have sex again?

A. the massive amount of air inserted into my abdominal region has to find its own way out. Eventually they will escape and over time it will be back to normal when I barely even toot and it smells like sunshine and rainbows. Awww. how sweet!

B. We can have sexual relations 6 weeks post opp as long as the docs give us the green light. I have to heal in order use those muscles as intended. If the opportunity for you to outsource your lovin with Halle Berry you can have a one day pass to get you by till I am up and running again- just wear a condom- that is all I am saying. I sure Halle Berry is standin by the phone waiting for you to call.

4 comments:

The Wright Trips said...

Hilarious & so glad to read you are in good spirits! Let me say this again, I'm jealous of those nice pain meds you are getting. And I have had several blogs where I'm stoned from Ambien. I've had to go back the next morning & edit. Or, I get a call from my husband who says, "Were you high on your Ambien while you blogged last night?" MMMm??? Why, Yes, I was!

My questions:
1. What types of pain meds are you on?

2. Can you ship those to me?

3. Okay, a real question...did you get the robot thingy? The DaVinci? Is that what it is called? Have heard nothing but good things about that.

4. What's the first thing you are going to do when you get up & going, again? Besides carting the kiddos to eternity & beyond?

Michele S said...

Hang in there Helene. Your prince awaits you at home.

Anonymous said...

Helene, you are hilarious - and my heartfelt question for you is the following:

How do you do it? Is it just genetic luck and you were born with a naturally-replenishing grab-life-by-the-horns personality or is there something you've done/learned that makes you that way? Do you ever run out of steam? I admire your energy, your humor, your seemingly endless supply of good attitude and would like more of that myself.

So....how do you do it?

The Husband said...

Halle Berry won't return my calls. Damn!

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