Thursday, August 13, 2009

I am on the mend-- thanks Doc!

So yeah, it has been a few too many days since I blogged, but I have a great excuse. I have spent the last couple of days doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I am taking my medications on time, measuring the drainage from my tubes, and ignoring all other tasks until I am healed.

I hired a private pain management doctor. The ritzy country club valet kind of doctor that only sees a few patients a year, but charges them an enormous sum so that they are at your beck and call. I got one of the best ones to move into the guest room for a few weeks and tend to my every wish. It is awesome. He is so nice and seems genuinely grateful for the opportunity to serve me. His name is Dr. Conrad Murray. Anyone ever heard of him?

Okay, so I have not lost my sense of humor although the days have flown by while I am in and out of slumber. I can see how this lifestyle could become addictive. I am used to having abdominal surgeries but in the past there were tiny newborns depending on me for their survival. This time it is just me- so I am taking my time with the healing. You just can't rush some things.

While I have been convalescing I have some questions that were asked.

Did you get the robot thingy? The DaVinci? Is that what it is called? Have heard nothing but good things about that.

I had a supra cervical trans-abdominal hysterectomy- which means I am minus the uterus but still have my ovaries and cervix. No more periods or hormone replacement. WINNER. The rationale with this type of hysterectomy is that over time vaginal walls tend to "fall" without the support of the uterus. So in older patients the vagina can actually resemble a tube sock hanging inside out. Lovely. I refer to BORAT who would have said, "her vagine hangs like sleeve of wizard!" So now the upper wall of my vagina is tethered to the cervix like a retaining wall. I am so glad I have the Internet to get all cozy with random readers- but it is not like the fine folks at Giant Eagle are going to see me now, and whisper behind my back, point and gawk about my lady bits, or will they?

The plastic surgeon opened and closed by abdomen so that I could have one scar below the bikini line. In all my previous surgeries it was a vertical scar which is not a big deal unless you do not like the appearance of having a front tushie. Visualize the up and down seam from the belly button to the pupick, and add 2-3 pounds a year until you have a front butt crack to match your back. Not pretty.

I did have some muscle repair work done to secure my abs back in place. After the pregnancies my tone was really nasty and the only way to make it look half way decent is to have a tummy tuck. So, when in Rome....yeah, I did it. I am looking forward to not wearing spanx again- well, post the compression garment time that is. I was able to finagle the whole thing under one sedation, one OR, one recovery and one husband. Most women get it done is stages, nope, I am all or nothing. To my knowledge it was standard tummy tuck- not one of those fancy designer ones. Davinci makes it sound all la dee dah and all, but I no one tried to up sell me the designer surgery so I went with the basic. My recovery will take 6-8 weeks than I will be posting shots of my with Kate Gosselin and our 14 kids. Both us will have amazing flat abs and only one of us will be sporting a reverse mullet with blonde highlights.

What's the first thing you are going to do when you get up & going, again? Besides carting the kiddos to eternity & beyond?
I will not be allowed to drive for 4 weeks, so my guess it that once I am able I will drive myself to a local coffee shop for a fancy coffee drink- then while jazzed on caffeine I will buy new panties- the kind without control panels. Nice.

How do you do it? Is it just genetic luck and you were born with a naturally-replenishing grab-life-by-the-horns personality or is there something you've done/learned that makes you that way? Do you ever run out of steam? I admire your energy, your humor, your seemingly endless supply of good attitude and would like more of that myself.

I don't really have a plan most days, Ever since I was a child I had a ton of energy. I recall my parents saying things like:
She was vaccinated with a phonograph needle
She is a wiggle worm
She has ants in her pants
She is running around like a chicken with her head cut off.

So, basically, I am naturally hyper- which as a child is annoying but as adult is a helpful trait as long as it applied wisely. My parenting style is a reflection of watching others screw up and vowing not to do it that way. I grew up with a totally co-dependent mother who did not and still does not make any decisions without my father. Watching that behavior for forty plus years gave me power to go the opposite way. Some may wonder why I would say such a negative statement about my mom right here on the blog, but no worries, she says she NEVER reads it. She just looks at the pictures, so what have I got to be concerned about-she just looks at the photos like teen age boys just read the articles in Playboy. Riiight! Gotcha.

I have been at the computer for more than 30 minutes and I hear my down comforter calling my name. Baby steps, I am back in business!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

> Dr. Conrad Murray. Anyone ever heard of him?

I Googled the name - quite a reputation. Though you pulled a fast one.

Papa

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