Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Designer Circumcision

Call me out of the loop but I did not know there are various styles available in the circumcision department. Apparently aside from just removing the foreskin there are types of appearances, like haircuts and you can request them at the time of the procedure. I just assumed it was a one style fits all kind of deal, but NO.

This was the topic of "conversation" in an online multiples forum, and I was left to read the posts and scratch my head (pun intended) with disbelief. I never knew there was a choice. Please tell me I am not alone in this- how could a style maven not know about this? I honestly thought that as a parent it was a choice whether or not to do it, and I truly believed all dickheads were created equal.

When Eli and CJ were circumcised we hired a pediatric urologist to perform the procedure at the religious brit milah service in our home. CJ was 8 days post NICU so the timing seemed somewhat spiritual, and we had brunch- of course. His fee was full price for the first one, and half price for the second service at the same visit. I am not even joking. We paid retail for Eli but got CJ at a discount. I recall that at the time, my main concerns were: it was RSV season, keeping the wound clean and dry and making sure everyone had hot coffee. I missed the whole style thing.

Now I come to find out that instead of choosing a mohel, rabbi, cantor, urologist and whether to use lidocaine, there are decisions to be made as to the final appearance? OY, I had no idea. So I looked at the internet for information and I will warn you that there are all kinds of choices when it comes to the male member's look.

If I was to think up a name for a style of circumcised penises I would put a little Helene humor in it and go with the "Lewinsky Cap" with coordinating Gucci Frenulum trim. But that is just me. I would find that visually pleasing and I am fairly certain other Jewish women would agree, so in 30 some years my boys can thank me for picking the poshest. Nothing but the best for my boys.

I would venture a guess that the subject of selecting the circumcision style is going to become like registering for gifts or visiting a hairstylist. Parents will use their own sense of fashion or perhaps go with a family tradition, to create the perfect penis. I am just ahead of the curve because I am bringing this subject to the blog readers for their review. See, you learn something new everyday.

Even now as I sit here viewing what might have been for Eli and CJ, I am not sure I would have done things any differently. Since this blog is their baby book, I suppose I should post photos and write witty captions. Or not.


Michele S said...

I've seen my fair share of porn, (shocking, I know), and I've never seen different styles. I really never needed to know this. Ever. It's worse than the Prince Albert piercing.

The Husband said...

Maybe I should have a little taken off the sides?

Anonymous said...

I can only imagine the teachers face when there is a show and tell day in grade school.


Michele S said...

OMG. Your husband is killing me. LMAO!

Dave said...

Yes, designer circumcision is alive and well!

There are four basic styles of circumcision, depending on how close to the glans the cut is made, how much of the outer foreskin and shaft skin is removed, and whether the frenum is also removed.

A circumcision in which almost all the inner foreskin is removed, placing the cut is very close to the rim of the glans, is described as "low".

If the cut is some way back along the shaft, leaving most or all of the inner foreskin in place, the circumcision is described as "high". (Any intermediate position of the cut is also possible of course).

Wherever the cut is placed, the circumcision may then be either "loose" or "tight", depending on how much of the outer foreskin and shaft skin is removed, and the frenum may also be removed in any of the above styles.

STDs, including the HIV virus, usually enter via the inner foreskin or the frenum, so removing these, as in the "low" style, gives the best protection. Many people say that the "low and tight" style with the frenum removed also gives the neatest appearance.

Hope that helps.

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