Monday, August 31, 2009

Just another mouth to feed, right?

Almost the minute Amanda went back to college we added another resident to our home. Six of one, half a dozen of another, right? Alessandro, one of the male aupairs from Chile, needed temporary housing while he gets placed with another family, so we offered up the basement as a landing spot for a while. I am secretly hoping the agency takes a few weeks finding him a new host family because I could get used to having Argenida plus a "manny". Honestly, there is little difference in preparing dinner for 10 versus 9.

In the grand scheme of things, having an extra pair of eyes to watch kids, and extra pair of hands to help corral said children is a bonus. Alessandro is good with the little ones, he has a mice smile and even though his English is about a 2 out of 10, he manages them just fine. What is another mouth to feed, right?

So if any of my readers are wanting a male aupair that barely speaks English, already has his drivers license and is good with toddlers, let me know. I am sure Alessandro will be your man- or should I say, Manny?

I feel like I should hang the neon sign in the front windows- NO VACANCY! We are now back at maximum occupancy around here. Amanda left yesterday and Alessandro arrived today- good timing, eh? I swear if we had a bigger house we would just fill it up, so for now, we are good. Now, let me see what is for dinner?

Sunday, August 30, 2009

The Sensitivity Filter is Missing

As the triplets are getting older they are noticing everything. Their knowledge of vocabulary and their concept of discussing each subject is especially advanced for age three and a half. At this age they remember EVERYTHING and they talk about everything for days. The only negative about this stage is lack of a sensitivity filter. They just don't understand when not to talk about stuff.

This week alone there are a few incidents where I had to do damage control. For example, during our field trip to the Franklin Park Conservatory- we watched a few minutes of the Dale Chihuly DVD in the lobby. The movie shows the artist working with other gaffers to createthe colorful, brilliant, glass masterpieces. I should have known the kids would comment on Mr. Chihuly's eye patchbut before I could say anything CJ boomed, "Look at the Pirate making the sculptures, ARGHHHH!" I wanted to explain that some people use an eye patch for injuries but in that moment when 25 other musueum patrons were staring at us, all I could do was hope for a sensitivity filter. Maybe someday. For now, I just have to work on volume control.

Let's not forget the incident at Costco this week. Eli was quick to announce that the seafood kiosk smelled nasty. Of course the huge icy array of shellfish and fresh water trout did smell foul, but when you are three and a half you must report these finding to those in the immediate area. As soon as he started saying, "Mommie, what is that horrible smell, Mommie, where is that smell coming from, Mommie, why does it stink over here, I started walking faster and faster toward the produce. I whispered be quiet in his ear, but the damage was already done.

Natalie is my fashion diva- she notices everything in the clothing and shoe department. I just as surprised as she was to see a lady in a very short mini skirt at Easton. As we tried to listen to the Jazz artists performing, Natalie was mesmerized by the lack of fabric covering this woman's backside. I admit her skirt was shhhhort. Natalie points right at her ass and says, "Mommie that lady needs more skirt because I can see her tushie when she walks." True. True. I am sure everyone within earshot saw and recognized the facts, but no one but a three and a half year old girl would verbalize it. Thanks Natalie.

So when you think your kids have said the darnedest things, keep me in mind. I am hiding over here underneath this big rock. I will come out when I get my kids their own sensitivity filter, until then, I have this blog.

Summer Salsa

There are some recipes that just work seasonally. Homemade salsa is one of them. This recipe can only be prepared with the finest and freshest tomatoes. Summer salsa has a short season in Ohio and that season starts NOW!

The recipe is simple- you chop everything and allow it to sit and meld together for as long as you can, before dipping chips, making tacos and using up every drop. CJ will drink salsa if it is tasty enough and this batch was worthy of his slurps.


Ripe Tomatoes
Jalapeno or Chili peppers
Red Onion
Fresh Cilantro
Fresh Garlic
Zest plus juice of one lime
salt
pepper

I scored these beautiful yellow tomatoes from the farmers' market and added them for a pop of bright color. See kids, when you were younger Mommie made salsa and you ate it with a spoon.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Gluten Free S''mores

Here is the gluten free version of the campsite favorite- S'mores. I still don't really trust my kids in front of an open flame so we made the indoor version by broiling the marshmallowson a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. This worked great and everyone had toasted, gooey marshmallows at the same time, so no fighting. You could make your own gluten free graham crackers but theseworked wonderfully and save the hassle of the baking portion. My kids could give a rats' ass if I baked homemade graham crackers to use in the s'mores. so clearly I made the right call buying the already baked, gluten free ones. I am not even sure that Martha Stewart would bake her own graham crackers for use in S'mores?

Ingredients

Chocolate bars
Marshmallows
Gluten Free Graham Crackers

Toast marshmallows and assemble the chocolate and graham crackers to form mini sandwiches. Eat carefully.



Buy enough extra chocolate for eating plain. Happy Summer!

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

The title of this post is true of two things- the NICU roller coaster ride, and recovering from a tummy tuck/hysterectomy. Yesterday was one of the step back days where I had to take pain killers and get off my feet. I am pretty sure the pain and fatigue were related to taking my Panamanian guests out to lunch and then to the Chihuly exhibit at the Conservatory.

I had planned to blog about the day but by the time I got home all I could do was crawl into bed and just lay there. The second Jeff walked in the door I handed off all responsibility to him and I quit.

The batteries in my camera are dead, the charger is at my office and this is the most BORING blog post ever. I am alive and kicking though, so gimme a few hours and I will have something to blog about. Stay tuned.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Field Trip # 398

Since Argenida's parents arrived we have been going non stop in full entertainment mode. I feel like a welcome wagon representative or one of those local tour guides. I am driving and pointing all over town. The Cedenos speak Spanish and we speak English, so poor Argenida is working overtime as a translator. It is all good.

We went to pick raspberries this morning, and since raspberries are a delicacy in Panama, this was huge hit. We collected about ten pounds of the red raspberries and used them in the salad dressing and atop the tiramisu tonight. This is what summer is all about.

We managed to catch a summer jazz concerton the lawn at Easton. The green space was full of people so obviously my children were front and center- I loved hearing the snickering and whispers about their shirts. It cracks me up to sit back and watch as the 4 of them mesmerize a crowd by just showing up. CJ was practicing his break dancing moves thanks to his new friends the Fresh Beat Band.


When it comes to movin to the music my kids are all to happy to join the fun. Charlotte tries to keep up best she can, and today the siblings wore her out completely. The kids devoured

some really juicy fresh peaches along with a bag of Trader Joe's Pirate Booty and listened to the sweet sounds from the stage. The kids think we are supposed to go somewhere everyday and if I do not have a planned outing they are disappointed. Thankfully with Argenida and her parents we are burning up the road in Columbus. So much to see, so little time.

The model train railway at Easton has been moved to the Brio courtyard. We found this the hard way when we went to see it in the old area and it was gone. The kids were howling and whining like banshees until someone mentioned it was not gone, just moved.



Oh the joy of dealing with 4 under 4 in the heat. Once we located the locomotives the kids were so happy.

Field trip #398 is done and like the kids' shirts say, I am exhausted. Where should we go tomorrow? I am wondering how you say SPA DAY in Espanol?

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Just For Fun

For those just joining the blog I should warn you... I just say it like it is. I am often a target for comments from the general public and lately, I have just about had enough of all the Jon and Kate commentary. I do not care about Jon and Kate. My family has 6 children and Panamanian Au Pair- we are a large, loud, happy bunch but we are not sextuplets plus twins and Jeff does not own a single piece of Ed Hardy clothing- THANK GAWD! Yet for some odd reason people want to talk to me about the Gosselins.

I barely have enough time in my day to breathe so when I am out shopping the last thing I want to do is chit chat with strangers. I am more of a smile and move along gal. A while back I got accosted in the Giant Eagle bathroom and since then I am a bit on edge about making sure I am not pushed around by hurtful comments. So I have my lines memorized and I am armed and ready for the worst. It used to be did you take fertility drugs? Are they natural? Do you have help? But now, it is always about Jon and Kate- blech!

Just for fun I decided the next time someone tries to start the whole Jon and Kate dialogue, I would be ready. I got my chance yesterday at Marshalls. A woman saw me with all the little kids in tow and I could see her trying to size us up...two sets of twins? Cousins? A day care?- let's just say I saw her coming for us. This was my conversation:

Lady: WOW, are they all yours?
Me: Yes
Lady: Two sets of twins?
Me: No, triplets plus one
Lady: Oh my, you have your hands full. I bet you love to watch Jon and Kate plus 8
Me: Who?
Lady: The Show on TLC about the family with twins and sextuplets
Me: Hmmmm, never heard of them, do they live in New Albany?
Lady: (puzzled) No, they have a television series like a reality show about raising multiples
Me: Oh, we don't watch television
Lady: LOOK OF PANIC AND HORROR- Oooh, I did not realize you were Mormon.

HUH?????? OMG, I was laughing so hard I could not keep a straight face. I entered into the conversation for pure comical relief from the usual hum drum day to day BORING chit chat and I got more than I bargained for... way more.

So at the expense of poor Jon and Kate, I got my kicks. Just for fun of course.

Monday, August 24, 2009

For the love of Pink and Green- check out, Chez Ami and ME!

I was going to wait for Back to School to make an official announcement, but since I am at the computer now, and since I have ants in my pants, there is no time like the present. (drum roll please...) I have added another responsibility and taken a part time(ish) job as a sales representative for the darling clothing line called Chez Ami.

I will state that these clothes could not be any cuter. They are all designed and manufactured in Raleigh, NC (thus my recent trip there) and feature the brother/sister combinations I adore. Fall09 Chez Ami Catalog

Bows, and tights to coordinate and stripes and dots to mix and match- gah, it is fun! Who does not like minky dot velour? No one, minky dot velour is the worlds' softest fabric! It does not get any matchy matchier than Chez Ami. PERIOD!



If there are a few things I am really good at-- selling clothes, social networking and having parties are it. I adore anything monogrammed, anything pink and green and as seen on my girls, I do love me some big hair bows. Helene and Chez Ami- a match made in heaven. Oooh lala.

Chez Ami is sold by trunk show in the home of a friend, or on the Internet through the website. My job is to network with other moms and grandmothers, to host my parties and invite everyone they know. I bring the trunk full of samples, take orders, and the clothes magically appear all monogrammed and precious. It is like magic. There are only two seasons of clothing a year (spring and fall) so this is a part time business with full time benefits. Even the gals who host the party get an incentive to open their home and they too earn free clothes for their kiddos. WIN-WIN. Did I mention they are all over the pink and green theme every season? I am in Love.

So in case you are wondering how it works you can go to the Chez Ami site and read along. It works pretty much like tupperware, silpada, and pampered chef- only with fabulous children's clothes. Of course I will be photographing my kids in their new outfits just as soon as they arrive, so stay tuned to see exactly what I am talking about. In the mean time, I am tickled pink to start.

Who wants to be the first to host a party? Come on...free clothes!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Twittering Along

I know that some of you are twitters. You tweet the days away and are so in the know. I am formally announcing my boycott on the whole twitter media thing. I. Just. Can't. Do. It.

First, I barely have enough time in my day to feed and clean up after meals, three times a day, for 9+ people. I try to cook the above for mentioned meals from scratch. (Gluten free and weight watchers friendly) When I am not buried in the kitchen I am in the van, on the phone, or in front of my computer multi-tasking. I get very little downtime in my days. I have the blog, a facebook page, a husband, kids, house guests, a part time job and dog- that is enough to fill my "spare" time. Sorry Twitter, the no vacancy sign is illuminated- move along.

Secondly, if I were to send twitter updates to my subscribers the updates would be the same shit different day. My life is relatively predictable and not worth the extra boost of news from my neck of the woods. Posts would be variations on these topics---I am at Giant Eagle, I am walking the dog, I am picking up cups, napkins, cereal, and toys from the floor, I am in the carpool lane...YAWN! B-O-R-I-N-G! Nobody cares enough to warrant starting down the twittering road, right? Isn't the blog enough already?

And finally, for those of you who have the time and energy to twitter- I applaud you and recognize this form of communication as "extra"- a little taste of what you have to say. Sadly, I was vaccinated with a phonograph needle but don't have enough hours in the day to devote to becoming a twittering fool and utilizing my God given talent with the gift of gab. It is not for a lack of information, it is purely a lack of time.

Maybe someday when my life is full of sunshine and rainbows, when Jeff has hired a cleaning crew, when my kids are self sufficient enough to cook real meals, I will consider the whole twitter world. By then, my updates will be from the heart, until then, no dice. R.I.P. Twitter.

So tweet this-
Love,
The Queen

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Produce Envy

Just a few days ago I was reading Michele S tell her blog readers about her farmers' market adventure in Las Vegas. Today I had to count my lucky stars that we live where we can get and afford all kinds of awesome organic fruits and vegetables. My faithful readers understand how important this is because we eat about 40-50 pounds of produce a week at the absolute minimum. The number is much higher if you include bananas and potatoes, which bring the weight count closer to 70 or 80. I know that is a staggering number but I am happy to report the figure since my kids really enjoy eating fresh and real.

I schlepped the kids to Pataskala (which sounds so far away but is really just ten minutes East on Morse Road) to the big tent sale at Lynd's orchards. When we arrived my goals were to score all of the pre-picked produce from the tables- the chin dripping Peaches, and some salsa fixings. That was a no brainer.I had my basket filled with other goodies when I saw the sign that said they were offering pick your own blackberries. I buckled Charlotte and Jeff back in the van for naps, and I took the triplets into the vast field of greenery for a small adventure.

We harvested 12 pounds of the biggest, juiciest, blackberries you have ever seen. These beauties were as big as my thumb and the kids had a contest to see who could pluck the biggest one from the vines.



The blackberry juice stained their hands and was under their nails like some kind of disease but I did not mind. They took turns carrying the loot from the field back to the tent and during CJ's turn he got a really funky little grin and he dumped the load of berries on the grass path and said, "Ha Ha Ha I spilled all the blackberries!" I went completely postal it was not pretty.

We drove home and I was so proud of our little produce run. We spent a fraction of what Whole Foods would charge and came home loaded with the freshest stuff around. I thought about the recipes I am anxious to try and day dreamed about blackberry custards from Food and Wine magazine. I wonder if Michele will have Produce Envy when she sees this post?


Michele, Just to add a bit of salt to your wound, we spent $22, ha ha ha, now I am the one laughin my ass off, not CJ

Friday, August 21, 2009

Drains Drains go away

I am waiting by the clock- tick tock tick tock for the magical appointment today at 3:30. I am tentatively scheduled to get my surgical drains removed. I will be free from the tether of the hose and bottle and able to get back to me. Drains Drains go away- come again some other day- or never.

Now that I have my wits about me again, I am trying to schedule some back up babysitters for this weekend. I won't be 100% and Jeff almost collapsed from the duty last weekend.

It is gluten Free Friday and I have a great Grilled Shrimp Summer Supper recipe and photos to share, but first things first- I gotta get us some help around here.

Later!
The Queen

Happy Hour officially starts when my drains are removed and I have a very dirty, very dry, Vodka Martini with blue cheese stuffed olives in my hot little hands.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Designer Circumcision

Call me out of the loop but I did not know there are various styles available in the circumcision department. Apparently aside from just removing the foreskin there are types of appearances, like haircuts and you can request them at the time of the procedure. I just assumed it was a one style fits all kind of deal, but NO.

This was the topic of "conversation" in an online multiples forum, and I was left to read the posts and scratch my head (pun intended) with disbelief. I never knew there was a choice. Please tell me I am not alone in this- how could a style maven not know about this? I honestly thought that as a parent it was a choice whether or not to do it, and I truly believed all dickheads were created equal.

When Eli and CJ were circumcised we hired a pediatric urologist to perform the procedure at the religious brit milah service in our home. CJ was 8 days post NICU so the timing seemed somewhat spiritual, and we had brunch- of course. His fee was full price for the first one, and half price for the second service at the same visit. I am not even joking. We paid retail for Eli but got CJ at a discount. I recall that at the time, my main concerns were: it was RSV season, keeping the wound clean and dry and making sure everyone had hot coffee. I missed the whole style thing.

Now I come to find out that instead of choosing a mohel, rabbi, cantor, urologist and whether to use lidocaine, there are decisions to be made as to the final appearance? OY, I had no idea. So I looked at the internet for information and I will warn you that there are all kinds of choices when it comes to the male member's look.

If I was to think up a name for a style of circumcised penises I would put a little Helene humor in it and go with the "Lewinsky Cap" with coordinating Gucci Frenulum trim. But that is just me. I would find that visually pleasing and I am fairly certain other Jewish women would agree, so in 30 some years my boys can thank me for picking the poshest. Nothing but the best for my boys.

I would venture a guess that the subject of selecting the circumcision style is going to become like registering for gifts or visiting a hairstylist. Parents will use their own sense of fashion or perhaps go with a family tradition, to create the perfect penis. I am just ahead of the curve because I am bringing this subject to the blog readers for their review. See, you learn something new everyday.

Even now as I sit here viewing what might have been for Eli and CJ, I am not sure I would have done things any differently. Since this blog is their baby book, I suppose I should post photos and write witty captions. Or not.

Going Crazy or Just a Panic Attack?

Here is a little information to explain the title of this post:

I still have the two drains hanging from right above the lady bits. I am still ridding fluid from the abdomen and the Doc says the drain stays until Friday. This hinders getting any tasks done and is rather uncomfortable since it ziga and twinges with too much movement. Staying in bed and taking it easy is not my style. Doesn't this Doc know how far behind I am at home? Clearly he does not realize that Argenida's parents arrive Monday and the house is in shambles. Obviously the pantry and fridge are bare and there is little room on the dining room table (staging area) for laundry that needs to be put away. I know he only wants the best results for my surgery, but at what point do I explode with anxiety?

That would be yesterday. I had a full on meltdown panic attack. Sweating, nausea, gastro explosion, and complete dread. I went off the pain killers a few days ago and was feeling great until I realized and saw how much work there was to be done at home and it overwhelmed me beyond just deep breathing. I went ape shit nuts and freaked out to the point of hysteria. I knew that seeing the garage piled high with crap, and the laundry scattered on the table where we are supposed to eat would make a great first impression for Senor and Senora Cedeno. RIIIGHT! I guess the pain medications made me just relaxed enough not to care, until I quit taking them and came back to reality.

The purpose of this post is not to gain sympathy but to just out myself as overwhelmed. I did not expect that I would need two weeks to recover from surgery and I did not realize that I would succumb to the pressure of being a great host at the expense of my own health. So for now, one day at at time- Jeff and Argenida are aware of my situation and are helping me help myself. Good Grief, can you imagine how bad it would have been if I had not tackled laundry mountain last week?

So here is the list of things to do before Midnight on Monday Aug 24-

Clean and organize the garage - not just clear a path like the current state of chaos
Buy groceries
Make a Costco Run
Finish putting away the dry laundry
Get Drains taken out

Well, see, there-- just writing it out makes it a bit less daunting. Unless you actually saw our garage. Okay- that is where I am at so to speak. Somewhere between going crazy and just having a panic attack. More blog posts about cute kids and insanity later. Stay tuned we are due for some marker mayhem, nail polish catastrophes and other stunts soon. I promise it will be the kids' turn to cause trouble on the blog.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Fianlly some photos and a shout out to The Super Slutsky MAN

I am still taking my meds on schedule which is great for pain control but horrible on the sleep schedule. I could sleep all day and night on these suckers, so as I start to space out the doses I am able to actually function and of course, blog.

This weekend Jeff and I took the kids to a birthday party times 5. We went to only one party- the guests of honor just turned 6. They are quintuplets.




So when you need to ease back into your social life, wadddya do? You do it big. Where else could I lolly gag around in a stylish black jersey tent dress with drains coming out of the hem, high on pain killers and still manage to blend in with all the other parents? Right- a party where everyone has so many kids that no one even notices the other invited guests. The kids did enjoy themselves and we prayed they would fall asleep on the way home, but no such luck.

By the time we got home I was really in bad shape. I admit to everyone that I over did it. I should not have gone to the party in 90 degree heat and stood around watching kids. I should have stayed home. Thankfully my husband has super hero powers when tested to the outer limits. He took over and I collapsed in bed for 14 hours. I woke up expecting to find the house in shambles and the kids coated in dirt, but somehow, he and he alone tackled the task of taking care of the kids. He is superman. No cape, no shield, just some fancy karate moves and a metrosexual outfit....he's got no fro just some grey hair, when it comes to toting tots he's quite debonair, watch for the camry or a minivan- he is my SUPER SLUTSKY MAN.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Don't mind the crazy guy in the pick up truck, he's a triplet too

As we were leaving the play space today a 20's something guy rolled down the window and shouted- "HEY, ARE YOU GUYS TRIPLETS?" Ordinarily I would have been weary of some scruffy man making conversation with three, three year olds in the drive thru lane- stranger danger alert? Before I could even say anything, or run the other direction, he beaned, "I AM TRIPLET TOO and TRIPLETS ROCK"

He was clearly so proud of his tripletness that he was yelling, "WOO HOO TRIPLETS, WE ARE ROCK STARS, WOO HOO FOR TRIPLETS!" Upon further dialogue Jeff and I learned he is part of a GGB set and is not shy. I guess having two sisters the same age will do that to a boy. I was really glad that Jeff witnessed the whole scenario because he would not have believed me when I told him about the enthusiasm in this triplet's voice.

Natalie kept saying, "Guys, that man was so funny." I supposed his rough exterior and bad ass pick up truck could not hide is triplet pride. As parents of a trio we do not often stop to think about their adult tripletness- until today. Seeing a grown man get so riled up and boisterous made it all seem so real. This is another thing we have to look forward to- and yeah, that man was so funny Natalie.

Woo Hoo Triplets Rock!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Gluten Free Double Loaded Blueberry Muffin Cakes

I made these last week just before my surgery so that the blog could be updated on Gluten Free Friday without much real cooking. Keep in mind that this recipe turns out really moist, super gooey, really sticky and messy muffins. They are best eaten from a bowl with a fork because they are so jammed with berries and juice that they can't hold their form. Remove any "good" clothing before consumption- even oxy clean won't help the stainage from the drippings of these muffins. You can barely notice that the berries were once scattered all over the kitchen floor, right?

Ingredients


8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened at room temperature
1 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 1/2 cups fresh blueberries
2 1/2 cups Ju;es Nearly Normal GF flour
1/2 cup milk
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Grease a muffin tins with Pam- when you think you have sprayed them all over. Spray them one more time for good measure. In a mixer cream the butter until smooth. Add 1 cup of the sugar and mix. Add the eggs, GF vanilla, baking powder, and salt and mix. In a shallow bowl, mash 3/4 cup of the blueberries with the back of a fork.Add to the batter and mix. The blueberries will blend in make the dough a nice blue color without many whole berries left.

With the mixer running at low speed, add 1/2 of the flour, then 1/2 of the milk, and mix. Repeat with remaining flour and milk. Fold in the remaining whole blueberries by hand until well mixed. In a separate small bowl, mix the remaining 2 tablespoons sugar with the cinnamon. Use an ice-cream scoop or large spoon to fill the muffin cups 3/4 full. Sprinkle the cinnamon-sugar over the muffins and bake until golden brown and risen, 25 to 30 minutes. Let cool in the pan at least 30 minutes before turning out.I add cinnamon sugar to both the bottom and the tops of the filled tins so when I turn out the muffins there is a nice syrupy coating on the bottom. The syrup will begin to get too firm after it cools more than 30 minutes so try to release them onto a platter before they are stuck for good.

We eat these with a spoon or fork rather than like a traditional cupcake muffin. These photos will show you the correct image of the finished product.

Per the kids request I made both cupcakes and bunny cakes.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

I am on the mend-- thanks Doc!

So yeah, it has been a few too many days since I blogged, but I have a great excuse. I have spent the last couple of days doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I am taking my medications on time, measuring the drainage from my tubes, and ignoring all other tasks until I am healed.

I hired a private pain management doctor. The ritzy country club valet kind of doctor that only sees a few patients a year, but charges them an enormous sum so that they are at your beck and call. I got one of the best ones to move into the guest room for a few weeks and tend to my every wish. It is awesome. He is so nice and seems genuinely grateful for the opportunity to serve me. His name is Dr. Conrad Murray. Anyone ever heard of him?

Okay, so I have not lost my sense of humor although the days have flown by while I am in and out of slumber. I can see how this lifestyle could become addictive. I am used to having abdominal surgeries but in the past there were tiny newborns depending on me for their survival. This time it is just me- so I am taking my time with the healing. You just can't rush some things.

While I have been convalescing I have some questions that were asked.

Did you get the robot thingy? The DaVinci? Is that what it is called? Have heard nothing but good things about that.

I had a supra cervical trans-abdominal hysterectomy- which means I am minus the uterus but still have my ovaries and cervix. No more periods or hormone replacement. WINNER. The rationale with this type of hysterectomy is that over time vaginal walls tend to "fall" without the support of the uterus. So in older patients the vagina can actually resemble a tube sock hanging inside out. Lovely. I refer to BORAT who would have said, "her vagine hangs like sleeve of wizard!" So now the upper wall of my vagina is tethered to the cervix like a retaining wall. I am so glad I have the Internet to get all cozy with random readers- but it is not like the fine folks at Giant Eagle are going to see me now, and whisper behind my back, point and gawk about my lady bits, or will they?

The plastic surgeon opened and closed by abdomen so that I could have one scar below the bikini line. In all my previous surgeries it was a vertical scar which is not a big deal unless you do not like the appearance of having a front tushie. Visualize the up and down seam from the belly button to the pupick, and add 2-3 pounds a year until you have a front butt crack to match your back. Not pretty.

I did have some muscle repair work done to secure my abs back in place. After the pregnancies my tone was really nasty and the only way to make it look half way decent is to have a tummy tuck. So, when in Rome....yeah, I did it. I am looking forward to not wearing spanx again- well, post the compression garment time that is. I was able to finagle the whole thing under one sedation, one OR, one recovery and one husband. Most women get it done is stages, nope, I am all or nothing. To my knowledge it was standard tummy tuck- not one of those fancy designer ones. Davinci makes it sound all la dee dah and all, but I no one tried to up sell me the designer surgery so I went with the basic. My recovery will take 6-8 weeks than I will be posting shots of my with Kate Gosselin and our 14 kids. Both us will have amazing flat abs and only one of us will be sporting a reverse mullet with blonde highlights.

What's the first thing you are going to do when you get up & going, again? Besides carting the kiddos to eternity & beyond?
I will not be allowed to drive for 4 weeks, so my guess it that once I am able I will drive myself to a local coffee shop for a fancy coffee drink- then while jazzed on caffeine I will buy new panties- the kind without control panels. Nice.

How do you do it? Is it just genetic luck and you were born with a naturally-replenishing grab-life-by-the-horns personality or is there something you've done/learned that makes you that way? Do you ever run out of steam? I admire your energy, your humor, your seemingly endless supply of good attitude and would like more of that myself.

I don't really have a plan most days, Ever since I was a child I had a ton of energy. I recall my parents saying things like:
She was vaccinated with a phonograph needle
She is a wiggle worm
She has ants in her pants
She is running around like a chicken with her head cut off.

So, basically, I am naturally hyper- which as a child is annoying but as adult is a helpful trait as long as it applied wisely. My parenting style is a reflection of watching others screw up and vowing not to do it that way. I grew up with a totally co-dependent mother who did not and still does not make any decisions without my father. Watching that behavior for forty plus years gave me power to go the opposite way. Some may wonder why I would say such a negative statement about my mom right here on the blog, but no worries, she says she NEVER reads it. She just looks at the pictures, so what have I got to be concerned about-she just looks at the photos like teen age boys just read the articles in Playboy. Riiight! Gotcha.

I have been at the computer for more than 30 minutes and I hear my down comforter calling my name. Baby steps, I am back in business!

Monday, August 10, 2009

I need more pain meds, a pool boy and some questions to answer

Almost everything I wanted to say and blog about has not made any sense. My mind is all over the place, I am plethora of useless information while I am high on pain meds. I am not wearing my contacts and while I was in the hospital someone dripped Popsicle on top of this keyboard- so I am typing my rambling verses half blind on a keyboard that drops R and S and sticks with F and T. You must really whack the W and M for any form of keystroke. Just keeping it real. Nice huh. Welcomes home to me.

I got some amazing Hawaiian Flowers from my ghost writing husband
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Between these slippers and a Jack Russell Terrier our hard surface floors have a shot staying clean for about 45 seconds- Brilliant!

Since I feel as though I am on borrowed time of pain med happiness fog, (tick tock before I tucker out)I will give you my final Shout out! Can you drink Vodka Martinis before bed if you are taking copious amounts of oral meds? Back in college we could drunk dial people and say all kinds of stupid and mean things, then next day blame it on the booze. The Internet, God Bless It has added a whole other forum for this kind of behaviors. I better log before I spout off and regret it. Just kidding- or not.

Tomorrow I will be lucid enough to answer questions so leave me a comment and tell me wotcha wanna know. I will start with a question from the husband- "How much longer until the coast is clear with the violent farting? When can we have sex again?

A. the massive amount of air inserted into my abdominal region has to find its own way out. Eventually they will escape and over time it will be back to normal when I barely even toot and it smells like sunshine and rainbows. Awww. how sweet!

B. We can have sexual relations 6 weeks post opp as long as the docs give us the green light. I have to heal in order use those muscles as intended. If the opportunity for you to outsource your lovin with Halle Berry you can have a one day pass to get you by till I am up and running again- just wear a condom- that is all I am saying. I sure Halle Berry is standin by the phone waiting for you to call.

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