Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Just Keeping it Real

So the cat is out of the bag. I am having a hysterectomy next Thursday. In all honesty I am looking forward to it. Really. I am just keeping it real. Some would see major surgery as worrisome and frightening, I on the other hand, choose to see this as a real vacation.

I will be away from my "job" for 3 plus days. When I am back I will have "work restrictions" sort of like a claim of disability or workman's compensation. I will be sleeping in my 1500 thread count covered bed with the help of pharmaceuticals. My husband will be at my beck and call-(right Jeffie dear?)and I will be forced to take it easy regardless of the chaos around me. I will need special clothing for proper recuperation and of course, no vacation is complete without 24 hour room service.

As you can plainly see, this is more of a vacation than the trip to the beach last week. And there is none of that pesky sand to contend with either. You know you are the mom of a bazillion kids when you view a hysterectomy as a vacation, but oh man oh man this is gonna be great!

I am making to do lists like nobodys business. I have a lot to complete before I leave on vacation. As you can imagine it takes a bit of planning to coordinate my temporary replacement(s), I need to fill the house with supplies, I must clean and detail my future post op oasis, and like all Jappy patients- I can't go in for surgery with my hooves looking haggard, so I absolutely have to schedule time for a pedicure. No one wants to see my nasty feet in stirrups. So much to do, so little time.

Oh yeah, and since we are keeping it real, I did have a consult with a plastic surgeon. I am trying to work out the details so that I can have my "front tushie" vertical c-section scar removed. This along with some muscle repair (Diastasis) will be a hysterectomy with fringe benefits. If I can pull this off it will my all time BEST hair brained scheme ever! Sort of like killing two birds with one stone, only way better since there is time off and pain meds involved.

I am debating whether to post a photo of my current front tushie....since we are keepin it real. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?


Aaryn said...

no need to post a pic...i've seen it, it's quite stunning actually :)

Helene Eichenwald Slutsky said...

Stunning like you were stunned with your jaw dropped right?

Now you need some bleach for your eyes.

Stunning- HA HA HA

Anonymous said...

wait, am I missing out on something with my horizontal c-section scar? or do I still have the frontal butt - just sideways???


twojulies said...

let's not keep it too real. :) good luck with the surgery. enjoy the room service and complete control of the remote.

Michele S said...

You fannagled a tummy tuck too? You really are the queen. I bow to you.

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