Sunday, June 7, 2009

It's My Blog and I'll Rant If I Want To

You would rant to if this happened to you! Is it just me or does everyone and their uncle want to compare, discuss, and yammer on and on about Jon and Kate plus 8? If I had twins and sextuplets I could see the similarities, but c'mon I have triplets plus a singleton- how is it possible that I can be remotely related? If I had an over highlighted, reverse mullet, and a bodyguard, okay, maybe, but me????

Today, while using the bathroom at Giant Eagle I was blind sighted by the woman in the stall next to us. The kids all went pee and when they were done I went too. While washing our hands the older-know-it-all-drive-by-parenting-advice-spewing woman says, "Wow, are they all yours?" (like I would take some random toddlers into the bathroom with me, but whatever.) I said, yes they are all mine and they are all potty trained, thinking she would just nod and finish drying her hands. OH NO! She continues her disapproving look, and with a nasty tone, she says, Hummmph, another Kate Gosselin I see. WTF was that supposed to mean? I normally just shrug off the commentary from the general public but this one bugged me.

I cocked my head to the side as if to be curious, and I said, "I am not sure what you mean?" The witch went on to say, "You know that Jon and Kate show on TLC- the woman with sextuplets and twins- she is Kate Gosselin and she bosses those kids around in such mean spirited manner right on television. AND, I heard you in the bathroom with your children, you are just like her!" I would have knocked her two front teeth in but my kids were right there, so I just said, "I have no idea what you are talking about" and I herded the kids toward the exit. She could not let it go so she said, "I listened to you say: Now don't touch the floor, just stand there with your backs to the wall and wait for the others to go, then it will be your turn, keep your hands at you sides until it your turn, make sure you flush with your shoe, just wait, stand still until it your turn then you can sit on the potty- you should watch the show, you are just like Kate Gosselin, Wow, you are really bossy with your kids aren't you?"

I was so sticky sweet and nice that I wanted to throw up in my own mouth, but I was not going to let her have that condescending tude with me, especially in front of the kids, so I took the high road. I smiled and said, "Thank you- that is so nice of you to say." and I got the hell out of there before my Zoloft wore off and I rammed my foot up her ass.

I really wanted to say, God Lord woman, do you have any idea what it is like to take three, three year olds into a germ infested 2 foot stall and have them pee in rotation? Do you want to try it and see how much fucking fun it is to keep them relatively clean and safe within inches of feces and urine? Would you like a turn? And to add insult to injury today was a really great potty experience, no one crawled on their hands and knees on the floor, no one unrolled 350 feet of toilet paper, and no one stuck their hands inside the feminine hygiene box. I was patient and quite kind with my words today, I was in the zone today. Can you imagine what she might have thought and said on a bad bathroom day? Mercy!

So as I was in the check out lane I saw that every single tabloid

and even People Magazine has Jon and or Kate on the front cover. As I stood there eyeing the copies I just laughed to myself and thought of the one comment that gets under my skin worse than any other- Looking at Kate in a bikini I thought, BETTER HER THAN ME!


Nothing shocks me anymore... said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nothing shocks me anymore... said...

Idiots! She obviously watches too much tv... and did not raise small children.. even 1 at a time..

Anonymous said...

Wow...people and their nerve!

Mama2Triplets said...

You crack me up, which is why I read your blog daily. Thanks Kate, ummm, I mean, Helene

Katie said...

reverse mullet - love it! wow was she ever out of line - and in front of your kids. oye. some people are so uneducated. You are way funnier than Kate!

Michele S said...

You are so nice Helene. I used to SCREAM when my kids were in the stall. Why do they always go for the feminine hygeine box? BLECH.

Now they are old enough to go in separate stalls, which creates a whole new set of problems. Now I'm screeching in my screech voice their names over and over, while I'm trying to go myself. You never know when one might bolt out the door. Once, someone didn't answer and I came bolting out of the stall with my pants down.

The party never ends, it just gets more interesting, Kate.

You'll appreciate this story though. We are friends with a triplet family and the dad is a big defense attorney here in town. They have two girls and one boy.

The father took them out by himself one day, right after they pottytrained and then had to herd them all into a stall in the men's restroom. One of the girls had been suffering from constipation and was having a hard time going, so she started crying.

"Oh, Daddy, I can't. It hurts. Ouch. It hurts, Daddy."

Next thing he knew, the security guard was in there, pounding on the door.

"What's going on in there?"

So it could be worse! You could be a man and trying to take all those kids in the restroom!

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