Saturday, May 16, 2009

Kids Say the Darndest Things- The Slutsky Edition- Episode One

We have all seen the original television show-Kids say the Darndest Things. Well now I am living an on going episode, The Slutsky Edition. My children have come up with some very obvious and sharply worded comments lately. Let me share them with you:

While Eli was in my bed snuggling first thing in the morning we were chit chatting about our plans for the day. He got really close to my face and said, "Mommie, the inside of your mouth smells like a skunk!"

On our normal route to school there is a home that is being demolished for the land. The kids and I have been documenting the progress of the project for weeks. Any construction project it noteworthy when you are 3 years old. On Wednesday we saw them getting ready to level the old house and I mentioned that pretty soon it will be flat as a pancake. When we drove by on Friday, it was cleared and the only structure left was the orange fence around the property. CJ said, "See guys, it is flat as a waffle!"

Natalie and I were in my bathroom while I was getting dressed. As I shamelessly changed out of my pajama bottoms and into some bicycle short style spanx, she said, "Mommie, make sure you put your front Tushie inside the underwear!" She was referring to my vertical C-section scar that runs from my belly button downward- combined with my extra skin it looks like an ass crack in the front. FML.

While we were out of town we prepared the kids that we would miss each other but it we would only be apart for a few days. When we got back home Eli announced, "Mommie you are home! I missed your skin!" I guess he meant he missed me being there.

Natalie is ever the potty critic- always surveying and rating the condition of public restrooms. Last weekend at Costco, her enthusiasm for her job was a bit loud and embarrassing. As she stood in the stall waiting for me she said, "Mom, I can hear someone going poop. Shhhhh, listen Mommie, someone in here is pooping because I can hear the poop splashing into the water. I bet is a huge one. Mommie, that girls' poop is really really really stinky- she should use some spray Mommie." We had to stay in that damn stall for another 5 minutes until the lady left- I could not do a face to face at the sink after that incident.

A few weeks ago we were driving through Creekside Gahanna we saw a restaurant with white Christmas lights on the balcony. Natalie pipes up, "Someone needs to tell them Christmas is over!"

While we were waiting for Argenida to come out from her class we saw some young men walking by our van. Eli, looks at their very low hanging pants and says," Mommie, why they not pulling dare pants up- dare pants are gonna fall down and we will see dare underwear- that's funny!"

CJ is captain obvious and he takes things so literally- he has the least amount of imagination among the triplets. At Easter we drove through Bexley to take Argenida to Lany's house. CJ noticed a small tree decorated with eggs hanging like ornaments. He studied the tree and said, "Mommie, eggs don't grow on trees, right? And why do the Easter bunny got eggs- only chickens got eggs, right?" True. True.

As we were leaving Giant Eagle Eli noticed some kids having a temper tantrum in the check out line. He studied the situation, paused and looked at the Mother. Before I could whisk him away he loudly said, " I bet that Mommie is getting sooooo frustrated!" Thankfully she laughed.

In keeping with the constant poop talk. CJ spent a few moments sitting on the potty. He struggled and groaned to get his poop to come out. I sat there anxiously waiting for him to finish and when he said he was finally done, he got down from the throne and looked inside the bowl. The poop was no where in sight- apparently it had slid down into the pipe and it could not be seen. CJ said, "Mommie, dat was a ghost poop- it just disappeared!"

Last Tuesday as we arrived at the New Albany library a nice African American man held open the door so we could walk in. He was handsomely dressed in a dark business suit with beautiful cherry red silk tie. As I shuffled all the kids inside the doorway, CJ looks up at the gentleman and in his most excited (LOUD) voice, says, "HEY LOOK MOMMIE, IT IS BARACK OBAMA!" I was relieved when the man totally cracked up. Everyone within earshot was hysterical.

So dear blog readers- if laughter is the best medicine, I guess I am completely healthy. Enjoy this edition of Kids says the darndest things- Slutsky edition. I promise there are more worthy episodes left this season so stick around.

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