Tonight is the beginning of Passover. It is a time for all things unleavened and blah. This is the one Jewish holiday that I could leave in terms of the food. Here is what we WON'T be eating at my house this week, cue the whining:
Gefilte Fish- ughhh just nasty.Jarred with snot-like gelled broth, the stench and sound of removing these fish patties from the gelatinous goo is about as gross as it sounds. Most people cover them with horseradish to hide the taste of the actual product.
Matzoh-Flour and water baked into a sheet of bland cardboard. This is the one food item that implies suffering, and we all know that the Jews invented matzo and suffering. No one I know eats Matzo except for at Passover which is a red flag that it sucks.
Matzoh Balls- Make Shift Jewish dumplings that soak up chicken soup and then your stomach juices to make you bloated for weeks. Great when you have gastrointestinal problems but torture when you don't. An acquired taste for sure.
Sponge Cake-A Passover dessert made to taste so dry and plain that you have to slather it in whipped cream and top it with fresh strawberries in order to be able to choke it down politely. Never served by itself for obvious reasons. Varieties include chocolate and lemon- both weak attempts to camouflage the texture.
So, given that we are already a gluten free home, Passover is just another dietary restriction on top of our current dietary restrictions. Oy the suffering. Now we will be forced to wander in the desert of New Albany with unleavened, gluten free foods. We will be so constipated that we will be willingly singing, "Let my people go!" and we will mean it.
Stay tuned tomorrow for the photographic proof that we went to a Seder Meal. The kids are so excited to play hide and go seek with the matzo (also know as the Affikommen) and Natalie wants lots and lots and lots of Pinot Noir wine. OY- the insanity. I am just ever so glad that my Brother and Sister in Law are hosting the Seder Meal this year. God Bless them, after my crew invades their beautiful (CLEAN) kitchen, they may never have us over again. They will be saying, let our people go, and they will mean Let my people GO HOME!
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