Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The Real Housewives of Franklin County, Ohio

I admit that I am mildly amused by the Bravo Series, The Real Housewives of Orange County. Amused not obsessed. I am Disgusted, Repulsed, Annoyed and Irritated like driving past a bad car wreck- I have to look or see.
The main characters are women I would never be friends with...ever, but I kinda like them anyway. I tell Jeff that I am watching it for research on trends and designers as part of my "e-tailing business"- He knows I am full of shit, but sometimes whines and watches it with me- until he has to barf and change the the tv to the military channel to reclaim his masculinity. I would not be considered a part of the OC series even if I lived there, you see, I wear a two digit size- not 00 but 12, have real boobs and fake hair and oh yeah, I am happily married to a saint. That would be B-O-R-I-N-G! Botox and Billions make for good television.

In keeping it more real and less Hollywood, I have often wondered who would star in my own personal reality series- I have considered starting a local group for Martinis and Manolos and calling our posse the Real Housewives of New Albany. But wait, most of my friends and partners in crime don't live in New Albany. Some are right here in the white picket fenced-in suburb, but other really cool glam diva Mommies are in Bexley, Gahanna, Dublin, and Upper Arlington....hmmmm, I might just have to call us the Real Housewives of Franklin County, Ohio- so we can all play nicely together. And we would play nicely too!

Tonight I held auditions for the show. Ahhhh, nahhh, not really. I actually went to a fabulous birthday celebration for my friend RS- you know the one with the perfect hair 24/7. As we stylishly gathered at the new trendy adult geared club, Martini Park at Easton I started looking at the posh group we had assembled. These women are perfect for my real life hang-out and gab sessions but they are also the ideal candidates for the show.

Check us out...a beautiful variety of all types of successful ladies. Some play at home moms, some working women, The Moroccan Martha Stewart Murielle, and the birthday girl with the fabulous hair. We are hot. I am sorry but my mom's friends never looked this good in their 40's. I doubt they had this much fun either.

Martini Park is a cool scene. Sadly for the owners they chose to put it in Columbus, Ohio where unless it is a weekend the joint is empty- like a ghost town. This hip and happening spot competes for time and dollars with the OSU buckeyes, ice storms with sub-zero temps, and a down turned economy. It is hard to shell out $10 or more a pop on drinks (plus tax and tip) when you are using double coupons at Giant Eagle and buying Suave Shampoo- but maybe the last two are just me? Martini Park in Vegas would be rockin on a Tuesday night, but Easton Town Center, ughhhh, no. Dead as a doornail folks.

The Cosmo was cold and delicious, the food was less than ideal (too salty and overcooked Ahi) but the cool band and the sassy company at our table was truly wonderful. We honored the birthday gal with a dessert of mini donut holes with two dipping sauces- they were served warm and I was glad they were placed far from where I was perched. I could have eaten the whole plate full in about 30 seconds. Thankfully, I didn't. I am sure when you imagine a female friendly night club in Columbus, you don't picture it looking this swank.

Perhaps if Bravo picks up our Franklin County show we could do most of our bitching and moaning table side at Martini Park. Our ratings and their popularity might even do okay on Tuesday nights. It would be a win-win!

Just in case the whole reality show on Bravo does not pan out, I have decided to just embrace my own real life and create my own good time drama series right here in Franklin County. So, Take that OC bitches- there is a new group in town...The Real Housewives of Franklin County! We love Martinis and Manolos baby!


Cindy said...

I have been reading your blog for months and you just crack me up. I want to move to Franklin County Ohio and hang with you and the housewives

Sarah said...

Hi. I've been following for a long time but have never commented. I have no idea how I even found your blog. It's hilarious and causes me to laugh out loud a LOT! I'm coming to New Albany--is Martini Park in the Easton Town Center? I'm a name brand shopper just like you and think Easton Town Center just might be the place for me!

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