Friday, January 30, 2009

Popping out People & People Pops, giving birth to 8 people (Octuplets) and Gluten Free Friday

I have so much to say and so little time to say it- ackkkkk. First, YES YES YES, I have seen the news stories about the woman in California who had octupulets. How can you miss it? Her sad story is everywhere and truthfully, YAWN! She makes me sick and tired. Did you know that she has 6 other kids at home, including a set of twins? She is single and lives with her parents? Okay, what whack job would give her fertility meds or IVF, and furthermore, I have a hunch she was taking high doses of some bootleg Clomid she bought from a on line pharmacy. Sadly, she now has 14 kids, and a uterus the size of Utah. Bet she has a hell of time on these days. Her profile would out her as: Living with parents, 14 kids, body from hell, with possible future network television appearances. OY VAY!

Anyway, I had to acknowledge her plight and let you know how I fact, I am sure more details will come out soon enough and before long poor Jon and Kate will have some competition for the spotlight. Kate thought having a set of twins and sextuplets was cool, now this single mama squeezed out twins and OCTUPLETS, for, pardon the pun, crying out loud..which is what her two bedroom home will sound like in a few months. Wahhhh Wahhhhhhhhh! Hurry up TLC, better get that crew ready to go to Cali.

Since it is Gluten Free Friday I wanted to post about these amazing lollipops, PEOPLE POPS. (play on words, with the above mentioned people poppper) These tasty little suckers (literally) are gluten free and do not have any added sugars, artificial sweetners, dyes or any junk at all. They are kosher, naturally sugar free.
It is a wonder they even have a flavor, but alas, my kids will do just about anything for them. They are the ultimate bribe and you know I am not above bribing them.

So when it comes to popping out 8 kids at once, or bribing the kids you already have with People Pops, I say, GOOD FOR YOU on GLUTEN FREE FRIDAY!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Costco University- I Graduated with Honors!

As you all know Costco is my home away from home. The bulk of my household shopping is done there weekly. It is our largest monthly expense aside from the mortgage payment. Lately, we have been going bi-weekly instead of weekly- due to travel and weather issues. This means our normal overflowing, Two Jumbo Cart runs have turned into the need for Flat Bed Carts. Here I am with my half mocha slurpee-half fat free vanilla frozen yogurt, posing with one of my flat bed shopping cranes in the frozen tundra of a parking lot. Oh, the insanity! Can you imagine what will happen when Eli and CJ are Mitchell's age? Holy Smokes, they will eat us alive and by then I will need a friggin tractor trailer to transport the Costco merchandise. The receipt checker at the exit (who knows us by name) made a comment about how I have graduated. HUH? Graduated? She says, once you need a flat bed cart every week you are have graduated from Costco University. Sheesh, now I have to find space to hang my cool diploma!

Calgon- Please take my Kids AWAY!

We had an all out SNOW DAY yesterday. The city declared it a level GOLD snow emergency, well, not really gold, but some code that means "stay at home you morons!" Since we were homebound and the adults have dark green snot exploding in our heads (TMI, I know I know) we had to do something with the kids before they decided to plot a revolt out of boredom.

I shouted, "C'mon guys, everybody in the shower, I've got toys and shaving cream!"

This is my new solution to wrangling unruly kids and letting them play together, creatively, in a 3 foot by 4 foot space. Contained! I simply strip them down, turn on the warm water, add a few cups and pastry brushes, and VOILA! The group shaving cream shower is a parental lifesaver. I reaped the added benefit of sitting in a steamy bathroom, reading a swimwear catalog (YES, I was high on Cold Meds!) and drinking hot tea. By the time we ran out of hot water (90 gallon tank) my head was clear, the kids were clean, and I was ready to take an adventure to Costco. YIPPEE...Calgon did not officially take my kids away, but the concept or theory worked wonders on my kids.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Snow Daze

Remember last week when I had all the kids at the playground in light jackets? Kiss that good-bye. Hello Columbus, Hello Snow, Hello Schools out, Hello Misery. I am mildly sedated with cold medicine, I have delirious images of beaches, and I am moderately confused as I type on a tiny screen. It is freezing cold, snowing, the kids are all home and driving me insane, Jeff and I both have terrible head colds and our satellite and internet are down. Calgon take me away, the snow days are becoming snow daze.

Last night after driving to 3 gas stations to find an air pump to inflate our Diego sleds i discovered that these machines freeze up in winter and do not work. I tried to explain it to three three year olds who were wanting to go sledding and they did not care or understand why- they just knew we were supposed to go and were disappointed that we could not pump up the sled. I tried one last time at Mr. Tire in New Albany, thinking that perhaps a tire shop would have air hoses and SHABANG, we got lucky. Dan the 300 pound biker offered to help me inflate the sleds and when he saw Diego on the center he said, "What no Dora?" It cracked me up and we chatted about our favorite Noggin characters- turns out Dan has two kids and was more than happy to help save the day.

We went straight from Mr. Tire to the New Albany Country Club. They have an amazing hill designed for sledding. It is right between the club house and the golf course and the only thing that could have made the winter wonderland experience better would have been hot cocoa and heated chair lifts. But alas, the kids got to go sledding.

They loved climbing up the "mountain" and riding down. It was bitter cold and we lasted only a few runs but the photos prove how much fun we had.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Happy Chinese New Year- It is the Year of the Ox, or is it the Year of the Polar Bear?

My amazing and truly dedicated husband drove us back to Columbus. He drove all night long making stops only for gas and pee- since the kids were buckled up and sleeping almost the entire trip, he got to listen to his Ipod and stay awake with his intravenous diet coke. Door to door it is about 11 hours. I on the other hand, took Benadryl and slept so that once we arrived back at home he could sleep and I would take over the child care during waking hours. We pulled into the driveway at 6:30 a.m. and since it was still dark, we put the kids to bed and they actually slept in until 10:00. They woke up just in time for me to take them to The Eagles Nest while I stocked up on perishable groceries. This is what our van looked like when I got ready to leave. If you thought Clark Grisswold had a sexy ride, check out our version of the family truckster. That ugly and hideous Hawaiian print luggage carrier now costs us less than $4 per use.

We made it home just ahead of the arctic blast. I decided to celebrate the Chinese New Year with our multi-cultural family. This is an prime example of the hair-brained schemes I have concocted to justify getting Chinese Take out Food.
Brilliant huh? I even found a Chinese Restaurant nearby that offered a family meal (feeds 6) for $20.09 in honor of the celebration. SCORE! The kids and Jeff shoveled it all in using chopsticks-

when you are three years old, chopsticks rock your world. It is FUN to use Chop Sticks! I am always suspect of "cheap" Chinese food, so I opted to eat some rice pudding from the fridge. Everyone else really enjoyed the meal and no one got sick, so I say, it was a huge success.

Although it is technically the year of the ox, I am calling it the year of the polar bear. Brrrrr, it is freezing here. We are under a winter storm warning, and the forecast looks like we are expecting piles of snow up to our eyeballs. Happy New Year and watch for the sledding photos tomorrow.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Another Field Trip turns to SHIT

Rachelle and I took all the kids to the Johnson County Museum on Saturday. They have a KIDSPACE exhibit which features creative and imagination based play areas geared for Preschoolers. The added bonus is that is FREE Admission. F-R-E-E...right in my budget, so we packed em up and moved em out early Saturday morning.

The kids had themselves some serious fun. The medical center area was a hit with my future brain and heart surgeons. They donned the white coats and surgical scrub hats, added as stethoscope and began healing the patient.

I had a blast watching as they hammered on the head and removed all the internal organs. Eli acted like our favorite NICU doctor, Dr. Cordero

and he even held up a baby for example. Charlotte was just having a grand old time doing whatever the bigger kids were doing,
she thinks she is the same size and skill level of her peer models. CJ could have cared less because he was totally occupied playing fire fighter, engineer and architect

in the city hall area. Natalie found her way to the boutique to play with the same magnetic paper dolls that Charlotte enjoyed a few weeks ago. Natalie, like her sister created a beautiful outfit that rivals anything Lilly Pulitzer has to offer.
OH MY Palm Beach lifestyle is being genetically handed down- I love these girlie girls, and NO! NO! NO! I did not coach her on what to put on the dollie, she picked the pink & green on her own!(I am still beaming with pride!) Lillian and Samuel joined the cousins for a jamboree style musical show on the theater stage.

Costumes and set direction by Argenida.Can you tell how much they adore dressing up and being creative? The sound level was deafening, but it was adorable just the same. The kids all took turns playing golf.

The little putt putt zone was popular with our crew. The mini fishing pond had magnetic stuffed animal fish to catch. Our group found the poles fascinating.

This could possibly be the only time I will ever take them fishing, so I thought it was vital to capture the moment in photos. See, kids, I took you fishing in January of 2009. This is my kind of fishing trip- indoors, no worms and no gutting into fillets.

Just when I thought this was the best field trip ever, someone shit on the floor. After checking all of our kids, we were glad to discover it was not any of ours. WHEEEW! What a relief. For once it was not my kids taking a dump on the floor. Then, much to our dismay, all the other Mommies just ignored the brown reeking feces on the carpet. They acted as if it was not their problem. I could not believe they were just smugly standing around chit chatting away with poop nuggets just 5 feet away. Ewwwww, Gross! I am sure it was the micro-managing Mommie's little darling that crapped in the middle of the hallway- probably in retaliation for her over bearing direction with what is supposed to be creative play, not supervised coaching-but that is just my theory. Sooooo anyhow, Rachelle and I watched and waited while NO ONE took any inititive to remedy the situation. The kids were actually stepping in human turds and squishing them into the carpet, tracking it and smearing shit all over the friggin museum KIDSPACE. Finally after a few minutes we could not take it any longer. Guess who is experienced with picking up turd balls? That is right, ME!

So I did my civic duty to Johnson County and I used baby wipes and a trash bag to clean the excrement off of the floor. Do I get extra credit for cleaning up someone else's kid's poop? So what started as a glorious field trip and one of my attempts to enrich the lives of my precious children, turned to shit. Literally. So in addition to gluten free chef, maid, laundress, taxi driver, and nurse, you can now add WASTE MANAGEMENT and HAZ-MAT to my job description. Oh, isn't my life glam?

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