Friday, November 7, 2008

Highways to Hotels = Heaven to Hell

Arrrgh, as you can imagine preparing the troops and driving from Columbus, Ohio to D.C. was a ton of work. First there is the never ending packing for all our crew. Organizing all the Clothing, Accessories, Toiletries and Disposables times 6 takes some forethought. We can't forget Natalie's precious lovie dovie road kill kitties, Charlotte's binky or should I say, binkies- plural, and we have to take certain pairs of PINK Dora Panties, because right now Natalie is boycotting any other variety of underwear. If it ain't Pink Dora she protests and wants to go commando. A bit Complicated? yes. Manageable with Medication? yes. Irritating and Time Consuming? Yes. A Deal breaker?- NO WAY! So we loaded up the van and we headed to D.C.- not loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly. Jeff carefully put our luggage atop the van and we buckled all four car seats, sippy cups, gluten-free, non-messy snacks, and plenty of Jeff's elixir, Diet Coke. Ugh. This was another Griswold family vacation, folks.
I was seriously waiting for Jeff to call our van the "family truckster" and I was waiting for Christie Brinkley to drag race him in her Ferrari somewhere on I-70. There was Argenida not Aunt Edna in the back and instead of show tunes we had Funky Mama on CD. Funky Mama on CD repeat by request. Funky Mama to the point where I began to change a few letters in the spelling Funky if you know what I mean- wink wink! No offense to Krista Eyler but after Down Down Baby I can do Karate 500 times, and MOO Juice over and over and over I needed some Martini Juice. These are the precious photos of what hours and hours of highway driving look like: This is pure Heaven on the Highway. My sweet angels in slumber, Ohhhh, ahhhhh, YES! Heaven on the Highway!

Once we arrived at our hotel the kids were anxious to be free and wild- after all, they had been buckled up for 5 hours and 45 minutes. Obviously they were excited to check out the potty at the hotel, and they rated it a "nice potty"- it was "clean and smelled like oranges" according to Natalie. The Air Freshener in the lobby restroom did smell like citrus and Natalie does have her own sort of ZAGAT style rating for potties. The Marriott Suites in Bethesda gets a nice potty (****NP) next to the title in her guide book. We went to our room and let the kids loose while we unpacked. There was plenty to see and do, cushions, pillows, drawers, cords, tv's with remotes and french doors to the bedroom. All of these things are just a free for all when you are three years old. We had to just let them reek havoc for a while until the fun was gone. Temptation to touch every friggin surface was too much for them to ignore. This is what the intense decibel level sounded like for the first few minutes in the "ho-dell room" also known to me as pure, unaltered, Hotel Hell---Click to hear the sound of HELL and make sure your speakers will do my children's voices justice:

After loudly invading suite 920, the kids discovered a King Sized Bed behind the closed doors. New Territory for invasion....pillows, comforters, another tv...the excitement continued

and then they realized there was a huge window with a ledge! As a responsible parent, this is a fine line between a learning experience and danger. Or what I began to call ongoing, weekend long, Hotel Hell!

During my shopping adventures I found a Hawaiian Luggage Rack Cargo Carrier- it was so tacky and obnoxious, that I could not resist it. I know we are in non spending mode, but my fear of wet luggage when I got back compelled me to purchase this fine piece of travel equipment. A solid neutral color would have been ordinary so I went for the ultimate in hideous- this festive Hawaiian floral is just what my van needed to let the other road warriors know we were to be taken seriously- it is whimsical and delightful don't you think? Jeff installed it on my van and we officially became The Griswolds.

We are just inches from getting an RV now....I can sense the intense pressure to become road travelers. First the roof top cargo carrier then a Winnebago, OY Vay already, Oy the insanity. From Highway Heaven to Hotel Hell, the adventure never ends.

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