Thursday, October 16, 2008

I am a Big City Girl

I guess I am truly a big city girl. I might be from the midwest but I have always loved LA, NY, Chicago and Houston. Until yesterday I did not realize how much I despise small town America. I took the kids to Circleville, Ohio and we attended the 102nd annual pumpkin festival. We met up with my skinny friend RS and her adorable children. Here are some snaps of us enjoying it all.

These are the official winners of the biggest pumpkin contest-
the grand daddy pumpkin weighed over 1300 pounds and was the pride and joy of the town. This was a true test of my patience as a parent and I sure hope my kids look back on their childhood and wonder how I survived dragging them on field trips all over hell and gone. See Kids,
I did this for you!
They loved all the hoopla and fan fare on Main Street in Circleville.
We missed the big parade and pumpkin queen pagaent but got to see the rest of the orange splashed town. It looked like somebody threw up orange on the entire downtown. There were overpriced lame amusement style carnival rides,
rigged games for crappy prizes, booths with tzchotkies and food vendors selling everything imaginable that could be made with pumpkin. There were traditional pumpkin pies, cheesecake, brownies, pumpkin fries, pumpkin ice cream and the additional small town faves like funnel cakes and fried twinkies. If you can fry it, you can buy it. We bought one fresh squeezed lemonade and shared it. The sights and smells were overshadowed by all the people smoking cigarettes. I could not believe how many folks were just walking around the festival smoking cigs. It was disgusting to see parents holding their own babies while dangling a Marlboro light between their lips. I even saw a very pregnant looking woman smoking....seriously, who smokes while pregnant anymore? Welcome to small town America I guess. With the political candidates yammering on and on about Joe Six Pack, Joe the Plumber and talking at the kitchen table on Main Street, this is what they are referring to I suppose. Yippie kay yay!
I decided to stop at a local drive-thru restaurant before we headed for home. My crew need something to eat besides all the healthy gluten free items I packed. Clearly I was depriving them of pumpkin festival fare which is not fair. I wanted to perfect the sport of throwing french fries to the kids in the way back of the van using only my rear view mirror for aim. This is a sport I am getting good at by the way. While I was ordering 2 large fries at the speaker, Natalie decided to have a full on meltdown with kicking and screaming. She wanted me to buy another drink, which I refused to do. When I arrived at the pick up window the hillbilly woman working acknowledged that she heard my child "actin up" as she put it. She then goes on to give me parenting advice- this was the conversation:

Woman: I had a daughter just like that- screamed all the time.
Me: Oh!
Woman: Yeah she was a real pistol, that one was, had to spank her everyday and when that quit workin we tried some other ways.
Me: I see
Woman: Her daddy started duct tapin her hands and feet when she would act up.
Me: Hmmmm
Woman: Awww hell, he even had to duct tape her mouth shut when she would talk back. Took about 3 months but she finally learned her lesson.
Me: Really?
Woman: Worked real good- you outta try it.
Me; Uhhhh, sure, we'll see.

As she handed me my fries I thought about asking her if I could bum a couple of smokes, but then I realized I needed ketchup and I did not want to seem like a greedy big city gal.

1 comment:

The Wright Trips said...

I enjoy reading your blog & seeing all the wonderful, fun things you all do. I laughed when I read this particular post. We live in small town America as well. The whole smoking thing cracked me up. We have a pretty cool Farmers Pike Festival at the beginning of Sept. We took the kids but I couldn't believe all the smokers. And yep..gotta love those pregnant ladies that smoke. Morons!


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